Truly, it ended up being one of those beautifully ordinary days that somehow feels sacred when you’re in it.
School got out Wednesday, and we all slept a bit longer. Hallelujah!
My aunt came over, and it was just so good to sit together and talk. She brought up memories I hadn’t thought about in a long time, and, she helped me see my life with fresh eyes.
You see: Tot saved my life. (Jesus saved it the first time).
Before her, I was on the road to becoming a full-blown Type A mess. Overworking. Overdoing. Over-planning. Over-everything. I thought achievement was the goal. I thought control was safety. I thought staying busy meant I was doing life right.
And then, three months before she was born, Tatum dropped into my lap. Literally!
Everything changed: She interrupted the life I thought I was building and became the life I actually needed. Then Doug came into our lives when she was two, and somehow, piece by piece, God started building something I could have never planned for myself.
A family….A REAL home (not a condo or apartment). A REAL kind of love. Not conditional. ..not performance based.
Doug had the day off today and went on a bike ride, which made me happy for him. We had originally planned coffee together, but honestly, our whole day became this ongoing connection anyway…little conversations, checking in throughout the day.
And Tot and I? We had the best little day.
First she made a protein’y breakfast (I have taught her well) with protein pancakes. (and whipped cream because we put that on everything.
We went to Michaels and wandered around looking at crafts, laughing, taking ridiculous pictures, and being completely unserious. She wanted us to wear matching Crocs because apparently being “twinsies” is still cool at 13. Honestly, I’ll take it while I can.
In Michaels, she’s posing dramatically in the squishy aisle. This was “restock” day, and we had to be there because these sell out immediately. Go figure.
Meanwhile, Coopy lived his absolute best life today playing monkey-in-the-middle with TWO identical tennis balls because apparently one is emotionally insufficient.
And maybe my favorite part?
I felt good today.
Not survival mode. Not forcing it. Just…present. Light. Happy. Grateful.
At level 57, I feel like my life is just beginning; not as the old me trying to do everything, prove everything, hold everything together. But as the new me: softer, freer, and the me God was patiently leading here all along.
These are the moments I used to think were too small to matter. But now I relish these little things.
Happy half birthday, Tot. Thanks for making life fun.
And thank you for saving me in ways you’ll probably never fully understand. Thank you HHH for being there steadfast.
Thank you Jesus for giving me a second chance.