The Long Week

Tatum has been home sick since Monday.

She came back from church camp Sunday night already feeling awful. By Monday morning the fever had arrived, and it stayed for three long days. When the fever finally eased, the nausea and stomach issues took its place. It’s been one of those weeks where the body just refuses to cooperate.

Today she stayed home again, trying to catch up on schoolwork before the last day of the quarter tomorrow. Tests, assignments, all of it waiting.

It’s been a hard few days.

Not just because she’s been sick, but because I’m not exactly at my strongest either. I wanted to be the kind of mom who effortlessly fixes everything. But this week looked different. I simply did the best I could.

We watched a lot of Downton Abbey. Both movies. And she slept ALOT.

We navigated high fevers, empty stomachs, and the frustrating cycle of trying to eat and not being able to keep food down. On Wednesday she broke down crying.

“I HATE being sick!”

Of all people, I understand.

When you’re sick long enough, the emotions come in waves. First you get angry. Then you get sad. Then you get mad again. It’s exhausting, and it feels unfair.

I didn’t try to fix it.

I just sat with her in it.

Because sometimes the best thing a mom can do is simply understand the feeling.

I love that girl so much. Watching her suffer hurts in a way that’s hard to describe. If I could take it from her, I would in a second.

She isn’t alone.

Not for a second.

So I sing to Ollie. I stare at Coopy as he looks at us from below (please let me come up there!!)

Get better Taties. WE all love you so much!

Part 2: Asking for a Miracle: Joy, Stability, and Becoming Wholly Grounded

(This was my Substack post to follow Part 1)

I do believe in miracles. I’ve seen them.

But they rarely look like what we imagine.

For a long time, I carried a very specific picture of what a miracle would be. I would wake up one morning and be 100% better. No symptoms. No debilitating fatigue. No gut shutdown. Just normal.

But what is “better,” really? What does healing actually mean?

Let’s imagine that God answered my prayers exactly as I had scripted them. Imagine He erased my symptoms overnight.

Would my eating patterns have changed?
Would my pace have slowed?
Would my performance identity have loosened its grip?
Would I be as intimately close to my immediate family?                                                        Would my nervous system have learned safety?
Would I have stopped outsourcing my belief to the next fix?

If I’m honest… probably not.

Relief would have come. But transformation? I’m not so sure.

Because lasting change isn’t built in an instant. It’s formed slowly, through repetition, humility, adjustment, and surrender.

Slow healing transforms.

Joy vs. Happiness

James 1:2 says, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds.”

We read that verse and nod, assuming joy must be the emotional byproduct of a hard season; as if we are supposed to feel cheerful in the middle of suffering.

But that’s not what joy is.

Joy is not pretending.
It’s not smiling while you feel like death.

Joy is trust…that this time is not wasted.
It’s stability anchored under pressure.
It’s the refusal to interpret pain as abandonment.

Happiness is circumstantial. It’s that high on the rollercoaster of emotions.

Joy is different. Joy is a steady confidence that God is still good, even when we shake our fists and say, “This isn’t fair.”

You can have disappointment and joy.
You can have symptoms and joy.
You can have fatigue and joy.

Just like real love isn’t merely a feeling, joy isn’t either. It’s a paradigm. A faith in something larger than ourselves, knowing this story is not meaningless, and it is not just about us.

Becoming Wholly Grounded

We talk a lot about being “holistic”: mind and body. But when I think about true healing, I think w-holistically.

Body.
Nervous system.
Identity.
Pace.
Relationship with food.
Relationship with control.
Relationship with God.

If only one layer heals, it isn’t real healing.

Because symptoms can disappear while fear remains. Energy can return while pace stays unsustainable. Relief can come while identity is still performance-driven.

That kind of healing doesn’t last.

Real healing integrates every layer.

This Is Actually Good News

I still resist that idea sometimes. Slow healing can feel like being stuck behind a slow car while everyone else speeds past. It feels endless. It feels unfair. Is this my life?

But if healing must be slow, then you are not behind.

You are not failing.
You are not missing the magic protocol.
You are not doing it wrong.
You are in process.

And slow healing means something important:

You don’t have to panic.
You don’t have to chase.
You don’t have to collapse when a day goes wrong.

You are building a foundation that cannot be shaken.

And foundations are laid one brick at a time.

From Dependence to Ownership: Rebuilding Student Agency in Today’s Classrooms

By Dr. Stephanie Knight-Hay

(this was a post I wrote for GCU’s website 2026)

There are certain phrases in education that sound impressive (and yes, we love our acronyms) until you say them outside of education. Then suddenly, you’re met with blank stares and polite nods as people quietly tune you out.

I’ve used the term student agency often, assuming everyone understands it. Yet when asked to explain it, I’ve found myself offering a multitude of definitions: students “taking ownership,” “having voice and choice,” or “actively participating instead of having school done to them.” Each explanation sounds fine but doesn’t truly get to the core. 

When I began asking, What is student agency, really? I quickly realized that definitions vary widely. To clarify, I like to go back to the beginning. Drawing on Bandura’s (2006) work on human agency and Zimmerman’s (2002) model of self-regulated learning, student agency can be understood as the capacity to set meaningful goals, take strategic action, reflect on progress, and believe in one’s ability to influence outcomes.

Still, not clear, so let’s ground it. Student agency means students do not just complete assigned tasks; they set goals, take ownership of their progress, learn from mistakes, and trust that their effort matters. In other words, they stop being passengers in their education and start becoming drivers.

Currently, student agency is starting to nosedive. Not because students “care less,” but because many classrooms have unintentionally done too much of the thinking for them. Agency will not return through more support, tighter rules, or louder encouragement. It returns when students are trusted with real decisions, real responsibility, and real higher order thinking. That is what this article will explore.

Crisis in the Classrooms

Sure, students are showing up, completing tasks and following directions. Yet something seems to be missing. If asked to initiate or make meaningful decisions about their learning, they seem paralyzed. This isn’t a “kids these days” problem. It grows out of well-intentioned efforts to scaffold, guide, and support students (especially to reduce failure!) so that they have fewer chances to practice making decisions and owning their learning. This is where independence and ownership are built.

What does the research say? Student-reported data reinforces this showing that many middle and high school students feel “bored and perceive little control” over their learning conditions closely tied to diminished ownership and readiness (James & Frome, 2025). Moreover, there has been a shift toward passive compliance when instructional systems prioritize efficiency and guidance over student decision-making (Ng, 2024). From the outside, it can appear that students are succeeding since assignments are submitted, objectives are met, and behavior is managed. As Ng (2024) notes, students may appear engaged while remaining dependent on external direction, highlighting why participation alone is not a reliable indicator of agency. But, remember, performance is not the same as agency. All is not lost, however! We can intentionally design learning environments that return responsibility, trust and meaningful challenge to students.

Why Agency Is Slipping (Without Blaming Students or Teachers)

The intentions are pure. Many modern classrooms have increased support in ways that improve task completion but can gradually diminish independence. Like water warming slowly, the shift happens so incrementally that it is easy not to notice until autonomy has quietly faded.

Here are some of the ways this shift shows up (all well-intentioned, but not always helpful for building independence):

  • Constant reminders and step-by-step directions replace planning and self-monitoring.
  • Success becomes about getting the “right answer” instead of working through mistakes and improving along the way.
  • Fear of making mistakes or earning a lower grade discourages risk-taking.
  • Students don’t get enough chances to make mistakes, learn from them, and try again.

I see this play out in my own daughter’s classroom. She receives a grade on her math test, but she has no opportunity to revisit the problems she missed or demonstrate growth. The grade becomes the endpoint rather than part of a learning process.

None of these practices are harmful by themselves. In fact, most were implemented to increase equity and ironically help students succeed. But when decision-making and that “productive” struggle are repeatedly removed from the learning process, students have fewer opportunities to practice initiating, pushing through, and regulating their own progress.

Research reinforces this pattern. When learning environments minimize opportunities for independent decision-making, students become less confident initiating and persisting on their own even when motivation is present (Ng, 2024).

Similarly, an AVID Center (2026) analysis notes that when classroom systems prioritize compliance and adult control, students may internalize the belief that learning is something done to them rather than driven by them.

The same research emphasizes that when teachers intentionally adjust structures, language, and expectations, students begin to emerge as decision-makers capable of taking ownership and being persistent. This is great news. 

Practical Solutions: What Rebuilding Student Agency Can Look Like

Not just in my classroom thinking, but I see this most clearly in my parenting. When I give my daughter structured choices, two or three options…not an overwhelming menu, something shifts. When I allow her room to decide within clear parameters, and when I speak confidence into her, telling her she is capable, she rises to it. She takes ownership. She persists longer. She believes she can figure things out.

Research across practitioner and education discussions converges on a consistent thought: agency grows when responsibility is intentionally transferred through design (Ng, 2024; Marshall, 2022). Taken together, rebuilding student agency can be understood through five opportunities, and what I call the 5 R’s of Rebuilding Agency.

Practical Solutions: The 5 R’s of Rebuilding Agency

  1. Room to Decide: Structured choices (not unlimited freedom) where students practice real decision-making but with clear parameters. Research consistently emphasizes that agency develops when students participate in real decisions about how, what, or how deeply they learn (Ng, 2024; Pearson, 2023). 

Classroom Example:

  • Instead of assigning one format for a final product, offer three clear options and try to give an example of each for clarity. For example (with same learning objective): a written product, a visual model, or a recorded explanation.
  • Provide two problem-solving pathways in math and allow students to choose which strategy to attempt first. Then they would provide a short reflection statement on why it worked or didn’t. 
  • Reasoning Out Loud: Students need opportunities to publicly justify, explain, and defend their thinking. Pearson (2023) highlights the importance of students sharing opinions, asking questions, and articulating perspectives. When students process out loud, they are thinking and out their ideas. (Then they are ready to write more clearly, and when your writing is clear, your thinking is clear). 

Classroom Example:

  • Replace “What’s the answer?” with TAG: “Tell answer, Add reason, Give how.”  
  • Build in “Think pair shares” daily to allow processing with a partner and then writing out their thoughts on paper. This way students explain their reasoning publicly before writing their final answers. 
  • Use sentence starters like: “I disagree because…” or “I approached it by…”; When students justify ideas, they move from compliance to clarity of thought.
  • Risk and Recover: Allow revision and learning from mistakes without permanent penalty. Marshall (2022) and Ng (2024) both stress that agency cannot grow when uncertainty and iteration are removed. Students must have space to try, adjust, and try again. Risk-taking disappears when students are not allowed to productively struggle in the trial and error process. 

Classroom Example:

  • Allow test corrections for partial credit but require students to explain what they misunderstood. (a short reflection paragraph)
  • Require “Draft–Feedback–Revision” in the writing process. If students see writing as a process rather than a single graded event, they’ll risk mistakes and revise to strengthen.
  • Reflect and Reset: Research shows that students build ownership when they set goals, monitor progress, and reflect on outcomes (Ng, 2024). AVID practitioners note that asking students to explain their choices and reflect on outcomes is a key lever for shifting beliefs about learning—from passive completion to active ownership (AVID Center, 2026). Reflection should be built into the routine after every assignment. This allows ownership and self-progress monitoring and transforms activity into growth.

Classroom Example:

  • End lessons with a quick reflection: “What strategy worked for you today?” or an exit ticket: “If you had five more minutes, what would you improve?”
  • Have students set a weekly learning goal and revisit it on Friday.
  • Reinforce Belief: Encouragement is important, but alone, it is insufficient. Students need to believe that their effort and hard work lead to change and growth. 

Classroom Example:

  • Instead of saying, “Let me show you,” ask, “What do you see happening next?”
  • Instead of “Good job,” say, “You stuck with it although it was hard!”
  • Make challenges part of the day: “This is supposed to be hard, and that is ok!”

How GCU’s College of Education Supports Agency

GCU’s College of Education supports current and future educators in building confident, independent learners through preparation that connects research, practice and real classrooms:

  • Clinical practice and field experiences: Candidates complete practicum/field experience, student teaching and internships supported through GCU’s Office of Clinical Practice and clinical requirements systems. 
  • Teacher preparation pathways: COE programs include field experience, exam preparation and student teaching as part of the learning journey—helping teacher candidates practice instructional decisions that promote student ownership. 
  • Professional development support: GCU’s education support offerings include professional development resources (e.g., Canyon Professional Development) that can strengthen instructional practices aligned with student engagement and ownership. 
  • Skill-building through advanced study: Graduate programs emphasize evidence-based instruction, differentiation and assessment—key levers for designing agency-rich learning environments. 

Degree Programs That Align With Building Student Agency

  • M.A. in Curriculum and Instruction 
  • M.Ed. in Educational Leadership 
  • M.A. in Reading Education (K–12) 
  • M.Ed. in Special Education 

Agency Is Built, Not Assumed

Student agency has quietly eroded unintentionally as responsibility and student decision-making have been outsourced to the teacher. This article has shown that it can and should be rebuilt but with intentional strategies.

When students are given room to decide, opportunities to reason out loud, space to risk and recover, time to reflect and reset, and reinforcement of belief in their effort, something happens. Students begin to see themselves not as recipients of instruction, but as participants in learning. They begin to trust that their thinking matters.

References

AVID Center. (2026, January 20). Student agency in action: Understanding beliefs to unlock potential.https://www.avid.org

Bandura, A. (2006). Toward a psychology of human agency. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 1(2), 164–180. http://wexler.free.fr/library/files/bandura%20%282006%29%20towards%20a%20psychology%20of%20human%20agency.pdf

James, M. P., & Frome, H. (2025, June 3). How student agency can boost engagement and readiness. Gallup. https://news.gallup.com/poll/660503/student-agency-boost-engagement-readiness.aspx

Marshall, T. R. (2022). The promise, power, and practice of student agency. Educational Leadership, 80(3). https://www.ascd.org

Ng, R. (2024). From passive to proactive: Exploring the role of student agency in educational transformation. IOSR Journal of Research & Method in Education, 14(1), 40–44. https://www.iosrjournals.org/iosr-jrme/papers/Vol-14%20Issue-1/Ser-2/F1401024044.pdf

Zimmerman, B. J. (2002). Becoming a self-regulated learner: An overview. Theory Into Practice, 41(2), 64–70. https://www.leiderschapsdomeinen.nl/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Zimmerman-B.-2002-Becoming-Self-Regulated-Learner.pdf

Saying Goodbye to a Legacy at SBC

Today was it.

His last day preaching as Sr. Pastor.

We all stood for minutes clapping and cheering as he stood to preach.

A tear would form in my eye. Seriously.

For me, it was a slow admiration. When he first arrived to SBC 17 years ago, I was less than pumped. I was used to Darryl DelHousaye and his phenomenal preaching (plus his extra large heart and love for people). But, Jamie Rasmussen grew on me. As a family we would sit directly in front just to hear every word. He was not only growing on me, his words would become something I would crave weekly. Our church grew tremendously in these last few years because of his leadership and vision.

Every message he would preach would center around ONE THEME:

Grace.

Yes, Grace.

No ego. No haughtiness. No piety. No holier than thou.

Just Grace.

Wow, do we all need to hear this. Why? Well, that is what his last message was all about.

Three simple points:


1. Life is not fair.

This is truly why God sent Jesus. Grace and mercy abounds. Think of the prodigal son and his “perfect” older brother. This older brother would mouth these words..THAT IS NOT FAIR! I’ve done EVERYTHING right and you reward HIM?? God’s grace and mercy ERASE fairness. God says, “You deserve what you get, but guess what? I overlook ALL OF IT.” Ergo, Jesus. He is our ticket to grace, mercy, and eternal life (and I’ll add PEACE).

2. You are not entitled.

When we expect God’s blessings because we’ve done it all perfectly (read our Bibles, been on time, had a good job, been a good mom or dad, gone to church weekly…blah blah blah..), we (not stating it out loud) BELIEVE and FEEL we DESERVE all HIS blessings, RIGHT!!? If we did live this way, guess what happens, you become an angry, discouraged, resentful human. I don’t “deserve” anything EXCEPT God’s ONE promise. “I will never leave you nor forsake you/ I will BE WITH YOU till the end of the age.” DONE. (it was done through Jesus). Ah, now that is peace. And that leads to point 3.

3. The Father Loves you Anyway.

In Luke 15: 31-32 “My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. 32 But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’” And then it ends. Takeaway? Being FOUND is what matters. STAY near HIM and HE will stay NEAR to you. If you have your fists in the air and your arms crossed pouting because you haven’t gotten your way (sounds too familiar I’m afraid), then you are going to live a life (of) hell..(figuratively). But, turn to Him and let HIM love you with open arms, and you will have (not an easy life), but a life filled with PEACE in the midst of the storms.

I couldn’t have received a better message for Jamie’s last dance. It truly hit home for me especially.

Grace is not a transaction.
It’s a gift.

And in these past few years through health struggles, disappointment, rebuilding, slowing down, I’ve had to let go of entitlement in ways I didn’t even know were there.

I’ve had to unclench my fists.

I’ve had to stop measuring my faithfulness by outcomes.

I’ve had to let the Father love me anyway.

Grace.

In a world that screams fairness, comparison, hustle, and earning, grace still stands.

And maybe that is what we crave most.

Not a fair life.
Not an entitled one.
But a life rooted in the steady, undeserved, unwavering love of the Father.

I’ll miss you, Jamie. Thank goodness you will still be a PAL! (Pastor-At Large) (HA!…they gave him a new title as not to lose him completely).

YTH Winter Camp and time with HHH

I picked her up early from school on Friday, for we would not be late this time! The buses would leave a bit after 3:30, and she refused to go home first. So, with bags picked before school, she would just wear her school clothes on the bus. This would be her first time going to camp as a TEEN and socially more comfortable since she was back in school.

I already would miss her when we snapped a photo in front of her Bus 7. Praying that she would meet a friend on the bus and in her cabin, I had to trust that God would provide.

They were off, and I got an early text from Tot before she had to put her phone away.

It was now time for The HHH and me to have a weekend. We’d hang out on Friday night watching a movie and just talking. My other prayer was for my health to cooperate so we could enjoy our Saturday.

In the meantime, the bus arrived and we could relax knowing she was probably roasting marshmallows and looking for her hoodie.

Doug and I went to the gym and then headed to Starbucks. It was so nice to not have an agenda but just to talk and share our hearts. Laughing was important as well, right? At each other which we often do..THANK GOD! We both need a little levity. You just HAVE to find the funny in everything or you might as well shoot yourself (or the other person). HA!

The night was fun! We made a yummy dinner, watched a great movie, and hung out with Coopy. Perfect. We also could rest knowing the Tot was in good hands.

My biggest prayer this weekend was for Tatum to have an EXPERIENCE with Jesus. For her to meet Him again. She does believe so deeply, but she even admitted that she needed a tune up. I cannot wait to see her on Sunday.

She’ll come home to some fun gifts from FIVE BELOW, a heart balloon, her three little chickens, and the BIGGEST kiss and hug from me. I missed you Tot!!

She would walk into her room to this!

Part 1: Two Degrees at a Time

Slow Is Not Behind

(This is my latest Substack article. Catharsis, Finding meaning, and Encouragement: the purpose of my writing)

No one signs up for this.

I don’t know a single person who would willingly choose to be sick for a long season, no matter what kind of “sick” it is. We all want relief from suffering. We want the breakthrough. We want the story to turn as quick as possible.

But the kind of healing that lasts must go deep. If anything, chasing speed and quick fixes can destabilize it. Healing pace is not driven by urgency or panic.

Quick change rarely builds new habits or new ways of living. It doesn’t teach your body that it’s safe to slow down. It may bring relief for a moment, but it doesn’t rebuild the foundation underneath.

Sometimes, in the middle of a hard day, we wonder:

What am I doing wrong?
Is God not there?
Do I need a new doctor?
Maybe I just haven’t found the right supplement.

Slow healing isn’t doing nothing. It’s not ignoring wisdom or refusing help. It’s simply refusing to panic every time something feels off. It means you stop interpreting every hard day as proof that you are doing it wrong.

Healing is more like falling in love and staying in love. The beginning may feel electric, but what lasts is built in the ordinary days; in small adjustments, consistent choices, and trust over time. It’s also like building wealth. Quick wins don’t create stability; disciplined habits do.

In the same way, healing asks us to seek wisdom without chasing every shiny fix and then to trust the process one day at a time. The problem is, we’re wired to believe that fast equals better. But when something changes quickly, it often disappears just as fast. We’ve all seen it: quick money that disappears, an intense fling that fades, a new plan that feels like the answer until the next flare reminds you nothing underneath has changed.

The 2-Degree Concept

The other day, a friend shared something with me called the “2-Degree Concept.” Instead of chasing dramatic breakthroughs, the goal is small, steady shifts… two degrees at a time.

In therapy terms, it’s not about fixing everything overnight. It’s about building enough stability that when something goes wrong, you don’t experience a total collapse; just a slight deviation.

When you build slowly, your nervous system doesn’t spike as high. Your crashes don’t crash as low. You don’t relapse into despair. You don’t outsource your stability to the next supplement, doctor, or promise of a miracle fix.

For years, one flare (or bed-ridden day) meant:

This isn’t working. I’m broken. Let’s start over.

And starting over can feel good; a total dopamine hit:
A new protocol.
A new doctor.
A new supplement.

There’s something about the new that gives us fresh hope, because going slow feels so boring. It often feels like it’s not working.

We like quick.

But when healing is slow, and a harder day comes, the inner voice shifts.

It becomes:

Okay. This is just a small bump.
I can manage this.
Stay steady. Adjust.

It’s not sexy at all.

It’s slow healing at work.

And here’s the gift:

Slow healing reduces the swing between hope and despair