Month: December 2025

Christmas Eve tried to take me out.
My stomach said, “Ma’am, we are CLOSED.” So yes….I was in bed for a bit, feeling sorry for myself and staring at the ceiling like… is this real?

But here’s the thing: I was NOT about to miss Christmas.

Because Christmas isn’t about me being strong or “having it together.” Jesus literally showed up when everything was messy…no room at the inn…a horse trough/manger. NOPE..not perfect.

So we did the day anyway.

LOTS OF PICS before….. ready? OLLIEEEEEE!!!

And Coopy needed some love

BLUEBELL’s FIRST CHRISTMAS! (Last year Ollie’s, the year before, Rio)

We are now one big family.

Austin came and he got some lovin’.

We had the tree glowing, presents everywhere and the spread or the “BUFFET” as Doug would call it..well, I guess. It covered about 1/10 of our counter so not sure how buffet-y it is. But, had my fresh lemon bread, homemade cheesecake and Doug’s SMOKED HAMS YUM!!!

And then…time to eat!! Tatum took the pic so she didn’t get to enjoy the sitting and smiling and smiling and smiling and..take the pic!!!

Tatum being adorable, and the most precious cards that made me cry and laugh at the same time (because why do handwritten notes hit so hard?!).

And Best DAD EVAH!! (and he needed to make us laugh (the irony of this pic)

My honey spoiled me with a red light face mask (Yes…it does look like I’m a serial killer), so of course I needed a set of knives (and a mandolin to slice my personal fingers off). But, he always is thinking of my precious limbs…ergo the gloves.

I got my honey some shirt that define HIM and a “date” since we haven’t been out in F.O.R.E.V.E.R

Tatum wanted to spoil my mom (WHO DESERVES EVERYTHING) with a new necklace. She is beautiful.

Austin got spoiled because we loved him so much. Pillows were at the top of his list. Pillows.

Of course Coopy is a close second.

Tot was ever so doted on. Her birdies kept us company.

She enjoyed all of her gifts but at the top was this punching bag.

There may be a face or two I can think of that would go on that red ball, but we won’t mention names. She may have to see him at school which she’ll be starting up again in 10 days. (SADLY/HAPPILY (sad for me but happy too) she’s going back to PVCP to finish 7th. Another blog/another time). And the “getting out those strong emotions” happen. I LOVE that about our family!! We feel; we share; we “talk all things out.”

It wasn’t a perfect day. But it was a sweet one.
And even with my “dark” moment… there was still joy.
Because the Light still shows up.

Christmas Eve was hard for me.
My GI tract decided to take the wheel, and for a while, the day kept me in bed; weak, discouraged, and very aware of my limitations. It would have been easy to let the darkness win.

But take heart.

I was not to be denied the joy of Christmas!!! Or what it all truly means.

And in the middle of my $$*%$ day, something beautiful was happening anyway; Doug was outside smoking TWO hams all day long

The smell alone felt DELICIOUS!

Church had to be part of the night. Not because everything felt good or easy…but because Christmas was never about ease. It was never about strength. It was never about having it all together.

It was about Light entering darkness.

As the candles were lifted (from the darkness) and the room filled with quiet glow, I was reminded of this truth:
Jesus does His best work when the dark is present.

THE LIGHT!!
The Light of Jesus.

In my darkness, I had hope.

This poem says it better than I ever could:

I came into the world on a night like this.
Not when everything was resolved.
Not when bodies were strong.
Not when hearts were confident or circumstances calm.

I came when there was no room.
When Mary was tired.
When Joseph was afraid.
When the world did not yet know what I was about to do.

This night; the night before was not a failure of faith.
It was the doorway to it.

If you are weary tonight, you are not late.
If you are hurting tonight, you are not forgotten.
If you are hoping quietly (or not at all) I am still here.

I do My greatest work in the dark,
in the waiting,
in the unseen spaces where trust is formed.

Tomorrow will come.
But tonight, rest.
I am already with you.

MIC DROP

Tonight, we’re not celebrating what’s finished.

We are honoring HIM who is in OUR MIDDLES…
With ham and my honey(s)

And that….right there is Christmas. AMEN.

….he is a presence. A soft, white, always-watching fluff ball who seems to feel everything all at once. He is deeply aware of moods, of movements, of who needs him and when. He doesn’t just want to be near you; he needs to TOUCH you. (and be right on top of you as you do your work)

(or stare you down). You always feel him saying, “I see you.”

Coopy requires affirmation the way others need air. He needs to be touched, noticed, reassured again and again.

And once you understand that, you realize it’s not neediness at all. It’s love in its purest, most honest form. He gives his whole heart, all the time, without hesitation, and simply asks that you meet him there.

He is our constant companion keeping watch ALL THE TIME.

He is our Coopy.
And we love him so.

I didn’t have a plan.

I had two envelopes, each holding (a certain amount) in cash, and a small handwritten note tucked inside. No name. No explanation. Just a quiet intention: give this to a stranger and walk away.

The idea didn’t start with me, though.

An influencer I genuinely love, Chalene Johnson, has shared a tradition her family does every year: each person gives out ten envelopes, each with a note and a gift inside. It’s become a family tradition for them, and when I heard her talk about it, something in me lit up. Not because of the money… but because of the spirit of it: intentional generosity, simple and direct, with no strings attached.

I wanted to do it too.

But I also wanted to give an amount that felt meaningful to me; so I started small: two envelopes. I can always work up to more later.

What I didn’t have was a destination.

I live in a very nice area, and at first I found myself overthinking everything. Where do I go? Who do I give it to? What if I choose wrong? I didn’t want to judge people, and I didn’t want to turn this into a mental game of who deserved it most. I just wanted to find someone, hand it to them, and walk away. I didn’t feel super hot today nor did I really want to leave the comfort of my home, but I did it anyway….looking not so fine, but who cares! It’s not for me anyway.

So I drove.

I stopped for gas first. Nothing hit me there. No clarity. No nudge. Just me, sitting in the car, waiting.

Then the thought came so clearly it almost surprised me: the library!

Years ago, when I was a single mom, I went there often with Tatum. The library felt like a refuge back then safe and free.

Inside, I walked around….looking for well, something!

I approached one mom and asked if the little girl with her was her daughter. She smiled and said no; she was just the sitter. I kept walking.

Then I saw another mom. She had three kids with her. She was standing at a kiosk with a boy I assumed was her son. I asked her gently if he was hers. She looked up.

We made eye contact.

That was it.

I handed her the envelope, smiled, and said simply,
“This is for you. Merry Christmas.”

Her eyes went wide.
“Oh… thank you!” she said.

And I turned around and walked out.

The moment I stepped outside, my body reacted before my mind could catch up. Goosebumps. Sweating. A rush of emotion so strong it felt electric.

I knew exactly what it was.

The Holy Spirit!

Boy that felt so amazing. Who’s next!?

I don’t know the woman’s story. I don’t know what that $100 meant to her. I don’t need to. That part isn’t mine.

But what I do know is this: sometimes the holiest moments don’t happen in church.

Sometimes they happen in a library… with an envelope…

Tatum spent the day birding at Boyce Thompson Arboretum with Kasey, and I don’t think I can overstate how beautiful it all was for her…both the place and the experience.

The arboretum in the fall feels like a quiet invitation to slow down which was great for her! Ancient rock, living water, and trees that have seen so many seasons.

But the real magic was watching having Tatum experience the nature; the BIRDS!
Kasey is so good at birding and she is such a gentle teacher that way. I’m sure she helped her attentiveness and curiosity.

The birds they spotted were incredible!!

• A robin perched high
• Warblers
• A flicker with its markings
• A hummingbird glowing green in the light
• And a flash of red from a cardinal

It was a great time of connection and appreciating how much life is happening above us if we only look up.

These are the days I want her to remember.
I only wish I could have been there too. Kasey is such a great cousin, teacher, friend.

So grateful for days like this, and for the people who take the time to invite kids into the beauty of nature. I love you both so much.

Watching Tatum write this book has been fascinating, because she’s not just telling a story she’s learning how to build one.

Her chapters move between multiple viewpoints and settings, and she understands that tension can grow in parallel, even when characters are apart. 

Her pacing has matured. Scenes don’t linger too long, but they also don’t rush past important details. She’s learned when to slow down for atmosphere and when to snap forward with action!

She’s developing a strong sense of tone. I LOVE her sensory detail to create unease rather than relying on explanation. She lets the reader feel what’s happening instead of telling them how to feel…SO COOL!

Her dialogue sounds increasingly natural, especially in moments of stress, and she’s taking risks. Some of her chapters are SCARY and dark, but she has them come alive with her descriptions. She’s currently finishing the final chapter (12) which places her firmly in the final resolution of the story. (maybe to a book 2?) This isn’t a project she’s trying out anymore; it’s one she’s actively bringing to a conclusion.

I’M SO PROUD OF HER:

She’s learned how to stay with a long project; NOT abandon, and how to trust her voice even when the story gets complicated.

She can actually do hard things all the way to the end. Stay tuned!

We finally made it back to the Train Park last night! The last time we went at Christmas was 2019!

Oh….WAIT a MINUTE!! 2020!

Back then, Tatum was little and everything felt magical: the lights, the whistles, the “up and down!” Geez, from ages 1–6, we practically lived at this place. It was our little world.

And now she’s 13.
Different season. Different energy. Not the same “OOOMPH” as those early years, and honestly, that’s okay. We waited in the train line. Not as bad as years yonder since this year they had “ticketed entry.”

This time, it wasn’t about recreating the old FUN… It was more of a sweet reminiscing to what used to be. A “we were here once” kind of night. AND, I WENT OUT AFTER FIVE!! Again, a new normal.. I pray..

Ok, onto the train. Pics for the “mommy” everyone.

and with my other honey. HHH

Note the UGGs. Any excuse to wear these! Yes, they are 20 years old. Yes they are filled with delightful scrumptious sheepskin, and YES, it was about 70 degrees. HA! Ok, cute but posed. Still…cute.

Here we go…into the TUNNO…TUNNO!! (tunnel). No, she didn’t say it, but I did in my brain. What happened to the years!? Ok..snap out of it.

The carousel (aka the “up and down,” as toddler Tatum used to call it) brought a little gem of the old days.

Yes, I was on my high horse. HA!

Snowman, where are you here in Scottsdale?

The lights were beautiful. The air was chilly (sorta). And even though her excitement looks different now, she was there with us…. present, smiling, humoring the nostalgia.

The S’mores made it all worth it, eh?

It wasn’t the same as 2019, but I had my two favorite people with me.

The mommy? VERY HAPPY.

And…..the piece de resistance?
Coopy under the tree waiting for us when we got home.