My Road Not Taken

Grassy Roads

            I have a confession to make: I never felt part of “the group” in middle school. It wasn’t until returning to my high school reunion that my classmates shared with me how much they thought I had it all together and that they had an abounding respect for me. Looking back now, I realize that the poem I had to grudgingly memorize in 8th grade, The Road Not Taken, would profoundly influence and encourage my life. Often I was faced with “two roads” and over and over again I picked the least popular way. But now, as the poem relays, “I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”

Making a difference has been my battle cry since I can remember. Graduating college at 20 years old with a marketing degree, high aspirations, and a shiny new company car, I was ready to take on the world! California, here I come! The plethora of cardboard boxes which served as my faux furniture populated my apartment until I could afford a real table and chairs. It was now that I was really grown up and ready to not only make some real money, but hopefully change the world. After about one year of going from client to client and hearing, “No, thank you…..we have what we need,” I was unsure what my purpose served. That is when I headed straight to a professional career counselor.

Fast-forward about ten years. I did not quit my job, but I bided time for many unquenched years. Frustrated…empty…and truly marking time, I couldn’t understand how I was going to satisfy this yearning in my heart to turn my desire of “making a difference” into a reality. All of my friends, including me, were making tons of money, but I was miserable. This is when I knew I needed to take a different route. It was time to return to school and pursue a nagging passion for which I had been dissuaded from pursuing early on. “Why, Stephanie, would you want to go into a profession which doesn’t produce a high income?” Having the money and working countless hours on something that produced no internal rewards was leading me to a wasted life. No more time to waste. I knew if I did what I loved, the money would follow.

Teaching has proved to be the hardest job; much harder than any million-dollar producing business endeavor for which I had ever participated. However, I go home each day exhausted with a sense of satisfaction, warmth, and eternal perspective. I may not be raking in the dough as I had in my past (like the so-called “world” would desire), but I’m hopefully making more of a difference than I would pounding the pavement selling a product for which is unneeded.

“Two roads diverged in a wood and I; I took the one less travelled by. And that has made all the difference.” Robert Frost knew that a grassy road may be unpopular, but sometimes, the grassy road wants wear. I will never fully know for whom I have helped or what mark I will have in this world, but I will now never regret my choices to be a bit “different” in order to make a difference.

 

It’s more than the score

 

It’s more than the score

 

Rodney E.* made me actually laugh out loud as I read his improvisational free writes.  He continually showed creativity in his writing, had a wit to shock a horse, and a heart of gold. Why was he coming up short in his reading scores?

 

Emily A.* would write for hours spinning various stories and dreams of her future. She obtained good grades, loved school, had no visible signs of reading problems, but her scores were always teetering on the edge.

 

Oscar G.* always wanted to please. He acted cool as a cucumber, but he had deep insecurities when it came to reading or writing. His teachers never noticed because he was such a “pleaser.”

 

Julio D.*, never cracking a smile or raising an eyebrow, would always sit quietly, seemingly understanding the assignments and the discussions. His unapproachability caused one to feel that he was in no need of anything.

 

Are these kids at the risk of failure? I would argue, yes. I have seen too many students slide through the cracks, and when they arrived at junior high, the window of intervention was extremely minute. The child was not blatantly a typical “failing student” but definitely inching toward the bottom as high school neared.

The year 2009 was the first year our school tried in-school reading tutoring to help kids who were underperforming. This strategy would take the place of the underperforming student’s elective. For almost 7 years, I had taught 7th grade Language Arts to inner city youths, but in 2009 I asked to be a “certified tutor” because I wanted the challenge of bringing these kids up from their years of underperforming status. In the past, many of these so-called underperforming students would sit in my classes, seeming to “get” what I was saying. They rarely asked questions nor seemed lost.  They had slipped by through their elementary years, but slowly they were falling short as the reading got more difficult.

BACKGROUND

Anderson Middle School* tests their students once a quarter with the same standardized test given five separate times. Students receive a baseline score and then take the same test each quarter to assess improvement. It’s a predictor of what the student will score on Arizona AIMS. There are four distinct categories based on the AIMS test: Falls Far Below, Approaches, Meets, and Exceeds.  One of the school’s goals was to move the “Approaches” kids out of that category and into “Meets.” These four students mentioned above always performed at around a 50% in 7th grade reading, which was on the cusp of a “Meets” score and considered “underperforming.”  In fact, their scores were consistently below this in their elementary years. They literally skidded by, never improving. In order to be considered “performing” or “Meets,” the score needed was at least a 56%.

Sadly, these four students were representative of the average student at Anderson Middle School*. At the beginning of the school year, roughly 50% of students operate in that gray area of below average (underperforming) or “Approaches.” For a school with 35-40 students in each class, these kids fall through the cracks and slowly disappear as they enter high school. Note that if a student was in the  “Falls Far Below” category, they had little opportunity to achieve “Meets” status, so little was done to help these students except after-school tutoring. Therefore, for the purpose of in-school tutoring, the “Approaches” students were chosen. Like in the business world, the school focused on the product which would give the most bang for the buck. Hence, choosing the “Approaches” students seemed to produce more “Meets “ results by the end of the year.

As I picked students for my classes, I decided to include Rodney, Emily, Oscar, and Julio since they were typical of the “skidding by” student in my 7th grade language arts class.  When I had them enter my 8th grade intervention class, their baseline again was 50%. My work was cut out for me. I believe challenging the status quo of standard classroom practices and creating a familial trusting environment altered the course of these students’ coming high school years

MEETING THE NEEDS

The forty-five minutes allotted had to be intense. I knew I had little time with these kids and since their elective was cut they were not amenable to coming in to see me. The key was to identify what was missing in their reading ability. The continued poor performance of these pupils called for me to re-examine my current classroom practices. I did realize that the need to achieve set goals and targets can drive the over reliance of prescribed materials and structure. Yes, I needed to establish the comfort of a routine and utilize research-based materials, but I realized it was more important in how I used them, not just in what I used. Daily, we did a “cold” read (which was a one-minute “first time” reading of short passage. Two warm reads followed the next two days.), a vocabulary lesson, a reading skill of the day, and then practice, practice, practice. The routine was set, but I needed to make the learning fun and interactive, constantly keeping students engaged in the learning.

CONVERSATION

At the start of each class, upon a bellwork activity, I decided to take a bit of a detour from the lessons I had prepared. I started with a good-old fashioned conversation. Why? I have noticed that this seems to be a lost art among the youth of today. Not only did I want to model this art, but I wanted to gain some knowledge from the informality. So I sat the students in a semi-circle, planted my stool in the center, and chatted with them by asking questions about themselves: What did they want out of life? What excited them? What frustrated them? Then I would get more specific about when they read: What made them get stuck? How did they handle this? We sat as a group and opened up. However, I usually modeled what I wanted from them. I shared that I used to fake read when I was younger. I became proficient at my faking because no one really checked on me. They laughed, but then admitted that they did the same. Authenticity, openness, and transparency on my part aided our conversation, as I needed them to feel understood and comfortable to share.

Valeria would always look forward to our class chats. As we would move into our read for the day, she often commented that “the ability to share helped us make better connections to the reading and the stories.”  We would stop often in a story and connect to something personal, which helped her comprehension.

RATIONALE

Before one sets out to do anything, he/she has to have a reason. What’s the point? Why bother? Students need a rationale for achieving or growing. They came to realize that it was not going to get easier as the years went on, and if they didn’t improve now, life would become more difficult. Every day, I made sure they had a concrete reason for doing what they did. I ensured the  “so what” was answered in what I would teach. I put myself in their shoes because I knew when I was younger, I didn’t understand why the teacher would teach certain lessons. It was “just because” or it was “a rule.” Kids are naturally inquisitive and have to have reasons for actions. For example, I would model a read-aloud for them and get stuck on a word. I talked out what I would do and why I did it. I knew that it would inhibit the meaning of the piece for me if I didn’t try to figure it out. “If you were lost in your car, would you continue to drive down the wrong road only to be completely confused later?” They agreed it was best to figure things out as they went along and self-monitor. Continuing to answer “so what” enabled their abiliy to challenge themselves.

IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT FLUENCY

According to Thomas Newkirk, a University of New Hampshire professor, “There’s a big focus on fluency. Some people think because you can read quickly … that’s a judge of what a great reader they are. I think fluency is important, but I think we can err too much on that side.” (Ramer, 2010) When I was told I needed to check their fluency every day, I had a twinge of frustration. On one hand, reading with speed and accuracy is important, but I realized these kids felt so unsuccessful because they couldn’t read fast (Especially for an ELL student who is just grasping the language.) AMS uses the students’ fluency scores to place them in leveled reading groups. I stressed to the students to focus on what they read and comprehend as they read. However, I have always believed the goal shouldn’t be whipping through a certain number of sentences; the goal should be making sure they are obtaining some conceptual understanding. Therefore, I celebrated their speed, but I challenged their thinking by having them grasp the meaning as they read which is the whole point of reading.

BE A FAN

Are you rooting for your students? Each day, I made sure they knew I was the president of their fan club. Students need to feel that their teachers want them to learn—not just so they can perform well on standardized tests, but for their overall growth and to ensure they will have bright futures. This is where tying in their conversations and life goals can entice them to learn. Every day, I would say, “OK, you are going to knock this one out of the park!” They felt cared about and enthused. Before their plethora of tests, I would make sure that they knew I was in their pocket cheering them on. My students knew I sincerely cared about their well-being, and they always completed the work. My hope is that they will eventually find the love of learning, and the taking of tests will just be a side activity to measure their improvement, not the final destination.

FAMILY

One Thursday I probed, “Where’s Kevin?” He comes religiously every day to my class. Ralph mentioned he had seen him earlier and mentioned perhaps he was ditching. The next day, Kevin came up to me and shared that he won in the intramurals yesterday on the field trip. He then said, “Why would I ditch my favorite class?” He truly felt we had established a family environment.

The power of accountability, interdependence, collaboration, and a bit of competition came to life in time. Since our environment was becoming a familial setting, they spurred each other on. The embarrassment waned as time went on because they knew it was a comfortable setting where mistakes were welcome. They wanted to be teachable and learn. It became such a routine they tried to outdo each other daily. After the one minute of testing each other, they’d yell out, “Ms. K, she beat her time from yesterday and got the words!” You often would hear the encouraging words since I was modeling it to them. They would be asked to write down their missed words so they could practice and do better the next day. Atheena would often put her note cards on Erika’s desk and say, “See if I know these words.” They had a reason to do better since they were reading with their friends and wanted to perform better.

As time went on, the students began to identify words they did not know in their reading. They would highlight and utilize context clues to figure out the words. They learned to summarize paragraphs as they read and talk them out to their partners. Also, they loved challenging each other by writing words on the board and working together to figure them out. The class gelled as the risk levels went down and the trust levels went up. Even before each test, the students would make a goal for themselves. They began to take charge of their own learning and would enjoy setting achievable standards to reach. As a class we would set goals as well. This inspired the kids to really want to meet these tasks head on. Taking ownership of their learning meant that they could not longer just skid by. No one was holding their hands anymore and it was time to make the transition to becoming self-empowered persons. Confidence began to rise and making mistakes was acceptable, but only if something was learned from them.

 

POSSIBLITIES?

Many teachers would read this and say, “Well, sure! If I had six to eight students in my class, it would be easy to make this happen.” It is no secret that having a smaller class allows more one-on-one teaching to take place. However, what I learned in working with these small groups I will take to my bigger classes next year.

  • I will “get real” with the kids.
  • I will give a “so what?” for all that I teach them.
  • I will consistently spur them on and expect them to do this to each other.
  • I will set a family like-comfortable/conversational atmosphere as to allow openness and authenticity.

Dr. James Blasingame, a professor at ASU, even notes that the atmosphere is key for kids to learn. “Establishing a classroom climate in which students feel good about themselves and about what they are doing is very important for students in grade six to eight. It is very important with preadolescents who are struggling with physical, emotional, and cognitive changes.” (Blasingame, p. 19)

Below it shows that by the end of the year they did excel from their 50% baseline status.

Student Baseline % 4th Qtr %
Emily 50 68.75
Rodney 50 75
Oscar 50 59.38
Julio 50 75

 

All four eighth grade students’ scores rose and they achieved what was the original purpose. However, I think what they got was more than a score. They received the proper nurturing, modeling and ability to come out of hiding. What made these kids “break through” the underperforming score was not the what they learned but how they learned it. Intervention tutoring, being another superb idea, is only as good as its implementation. Educational trends continue to lend themselves to new and supposedly better programs every year. But without building the relationships and setting the proper atmosphere, the program will fall by the wayside.

 

 

 

 

 

 

*names have been changed

 

References

Blasingame, James (2004), Teaching Writing in Middle and Secondary Schools; Prentice Hall.

Ramer, Holly (2010). NH professor pushes for return to slow reading; Retrieved from http://ca.us.biz.yahoo.com/ap/100617/us_slow_reading.html?.v=2

Be Nobody’s Darling

6/16/2010

Be Nobody’s Darling

Be nobody’s darling

Be proud of who you are

The empty spaces in the heart

Vacuous and wide

Only filled by a love divine

Ignorant of need

I is fine

Self connected upward and high

Not side by side which fails everytime

Alone not lonely

In a world of lonely

People places crowds faces

Unwanted and needed

That one who gets us

Who understands the silence

the unspoken tongue

it’s a wonder one is alone

What who when why

It’s not to question or to belie

Be nobody’s darling

Unless it is true

Up above is the only one who can choose

Reflection on my 2010-2011 school year: New School

I love this quote by Theodore Roosevelt because it reminds me of my classroom. Parents have entrusted me with their children. May I always remember each one is SPECIAL.

If you poll the typical “teacher on the street,” this is what would he or she would say about why he/she entered education:

“I want to make a difference in children.”

“I want to ignite the spark of curiosity in children and help them discover their potential.”

“I want to share my passion for the love of learning.”

Obvious as these statements sound, most public school teachers would scoff at such statements after a year of “duty.” In fact, I used to be ridiculed for my idealist attitude when I entered the world of education eight years ago after many years in the corporate world. Sadly, I soon discovered that if I was going to make it in the system, I had to succumb to the checklist of standards which were to be tested biweekly to prepare for the Super Bowl of tests. School became a football season with the culminating AIMS event in April. Unfortunately the administration’s hands were tied because they answered to the state, and the government paid the bills.  Yes, it was the scores which kept the state happy; not whether children were learning, growing, or becoming responsible, kind, resourceful citizens. The system has sacrificed our artistic, unique, creative youths simultaneously zapping our passionate, innovative and learned teachers. We’ve morphed into a test-taking, dumbed-down culture, virtually ignoring the right brain of the child, and disregarding anything below the neck.

Enter Tesseract. I’ll never forget the first day I walked into this “fourth” dimension-Definitely a square (cubed) peg not WANTING to fit into the round hole of normal schooling. The posted mission statement was not just talk…it was the WALK!

1.     Fostering EACH student’s intellect, love of learning, and strength of character? What? I can form a RELATIONSHIP  with a child one at a time, finding something special about him/her, and foster it!? Unheard of in a class size of 40 students x 5 classes.

2.      An innovative and collaborative environment? What? I work closely with the educators during the day, and the  professional development is all about enhancing our connectedness in and out of the classroom? The WHOLE child is taught, and I am a COG in the wheel of learning vs a separate compartment. The students make connections with the curriculum so it makes SENSE to them.

3.     Prepare students to be REAL people; To lead a life of purpose and with character and to see the world as a whole? What? I can encourage, equip, and inspire children to TRULY make a difference in their world, as I make a difference in their lives? Who has time to invest this energy or time into the children in public school when the teachers are frantically trying to practice test and increase their scores? The pressure adds up, so this doesn’t happen in the public schools.

Proudly and with honor, now I can truly say, I’m walking the talk of what education should be about and my “idealism” is realized.

He approved!

Dr. Wiley approved of my revisions. He officially is signing off on my dissertation. Now, I think…Chapter closed. But is it? The thought of what is next frightens me a bit. However, I am remember whose approval matters: Christ’s. But the good news is that I have it.

 

It hasn’t hit home until recently. All of this work and strife, is it all worth it? It “feels” good to be accomplished because I know I have what it takes to be a disciplined person. But the vehicle I use to be disciplined has been my work and school (or my body). Has my spiritual life experienced this same muscle building? It’s a matter of asking for HIM everyday. I long for his answers but the questions still seem fuzzy. What is next?

 

There is a song by Mercy Me which I cannot get enough:

 

Here with me:

 

I long for your embrace

Every single day

To meet you in this place

And see you face to face

 

Will you show me?

Reveal yourself to me

Because of your mercy

I fall down on my knees

 

And I can feel your presence here with me

Suddenly I’m lost within your beauty

Caught up in the wonder of your touch

Here in this moment I surrender to your love

 

You’re everywhere I go

I am not alone

You call me as your own

To know you and be known

 

You are holy

And I fall down on my knees

 

I can feel your presence here with me

Suddenly I’m lost within your beauty

Caught up in the wonder of your touch

Here in this moment I surrender to your love

 

I surrender to your grace

I surrender to the one who took my place

 

I can feel your presence here with me

Suddenly I’m lost within your beauty

Caught up in the wonder of your touch

Here in this moment I surrender:

 

I can feel your presence here with me

Suddenly I’m lost within your beauty

Caught up in the wonder of your touch

Here in this moment I surrender to your love

 

Defending my Doctorate….I finished!

I made it!!

I defended on April 2nd and passed.

Graduation is May 12th, 2010. WOW, it’s finally here.

Here is my topic: Because Writing Counts! Discovering the Perceptions of Middle School Content Teachers About Writing in Their Classrooms

ABSTRACT

The purpose of this qualitative interview study was to examine the factors of teachers’ perceptions and choices about writing across all disciplines in an urban, highly ELL populated middle school more closely. Four teachers were studied in depth, and data collected included in-depth interviews. Findings indicated three main assertions related to the research questions which sought to understand if teachers see a link to writing and learning, how teachers perceive and utilize writing in their content area classroom, as well as what factors influenced their implementation practices. These assertions are that: (a) Writing is both process and product providing proper evidence to be a mode of learning. They claim that it is helpful for processing, clarifying, reflecting, and also can solidify what has been learned. In some cases, it also provides a record or product of what has been learned providing confidence in the learner, which is significant for the ELL student. The research has unquestionably proven that the cognitive operations that students utilize during the writing process have helped illuminate the real power of writing;  (b) Teachers usage of writing (for literacy for ELL and English fluent students) depends on the goal or purpose, the timing, and the audience; This included writing to learn strategies that draw on past knowledge, prepare for new learning, review and/or fuse relevant knowledge, and to then extend knowledge; (c) Teachers are influenced by both internal and external factors which affects their implementation efforts. I found that staff development classes had the biggest influence on these teachers, but there were many areas of writing in content areas, especially the junior high areas of math and science, in which teachers could use more writing to learn strategies, and how to couple their already practicing cooperative learning strategies with writing through a staff development class or modeling. This study is in preparation for designing an intervention for staff development on teaching writing to learn strategies in any middle school; especially one with a high ELL population.

 

My Future

There are three kinds of people in this world. The first person makes things happen. The second stands by and watches things as they happen, while the third person wonders what did happen! I am in the first category. My life has been a huge picture of achievement and drive. I have pursued many goals and achieve most everything I set my mind to do. I have now, however, reached a huge apex in my life. I have just begun a new career with new hopes and dreams.

With this said, I have not given up on the other dreams I have for my life. For instance, I have been pursuing a Masters in Divinity for years now. I am still in the process of doing so and I foresee completing this goal in a couple of years. With this, I plan on starting a large ministry at my church for women. The specifics have not been set, but will be more clear as time proceeds.

I also have dreams of continuing in the educational setting. This may mean staying in the classroom and teaching, but I predict I will move on to a leadership role, be it in administration or my own business. In the meantime, I plan to inspire and encourage young minds as I am so passionate about children in this crucial age group of 11-14.

My dreams and hopes for a family have not subsided. I do plan to get married and have at least one child. I would like to be a mother and nurture and love a family of my own. This means a dog, a house, and all the trimmings! I also would love to have a vacation home in the mountains up North. This would give our family the much needed rest and recovery we need.

As for my hopes….I hope to make a difference in peoples’ lives. This means my friends, my students and my family. I hope to lead people to live a better life with more hopes and dreams of their own. This means I must be a good example and live in the light. I hope to be that person as I grow. I look forward to the future and what is in store for me.