The discipline that built your life may not be the discipline that heals your body.

(my latest Substack Article)

I had a poster on my wall growing up.

It was a skater gracefully doing a layback spin. Underneath it were the words: “Make Things Happen.”

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I don’t remember the exact slogan, but the message was clear: keep going, don’t quit, never let anything get you down. As a kid, that kind of message is powerful. It teaches tenacity and resilience. It teaches you to get back up when you fall which is the motto of any skater, and in many ways it shaped me.

I became the kind of person who pushed forward no matter what. I truly believed that effort could solve almost anything, and as a kid and young adult, it was exactly how I was rewarded.

Ambition. Drive. More school. More movement.

That kind of discipline built a lot of good things in my life, and I’m proud of all of it. But, I heard a line today and stopped immediately to write it down because it captured a lesson my body had already been teaching me for years:

The discipline that got you here is not the discipline that will get you out.

Healing requires a different kind of discipline. My dad used to tell me that I could accomplish anything I put my mind to, and I believed him. But putting my mind to healing my body required something I had never practiced before.

Doing a lot less.

In fact, it required almost a complete stop to many of the things that had always brought me satisfaction! Things that were healthy, joyful, and “good for you,” but personally, my body could no longer keep up with.

The joy of going to the gym
The joy of eating “perfectly health”
The joy of volunteering and ministry
The joy of traveling with my family
The joy of pursuing a new hobby or class
The joy of homeschooling my daughter
The joy of a long walk outside

All of these are good things, and for most people they are signs of a full and healthy life. They are the very habits our culture encourages, so why wouldn’t someone pursue them…..and even do more of them?

But my body was asking for something different.

The discipline of stillness. Rest. Doing less today.

That idea felt like nails on a chalkboard. Healing required me to do the opposite of what had always worked for me. It was completely counterintuitive. For example, I had to remove my Apple Watch and put it somewhere I couldn’t see it. I had to stop measuring my step count, and I had to stop checking boxes and counting tasks completed.

This all felt very irresponsible. Also, slowing down feels like you’re undoing years of hard work.

But sometimes slowing down is exactly what preserves the life you worked so hard to build.

My Gut Issues Were the First Red Light

The slow shutdown of my digestion was that still, small voice saying, Please pay attention to your lifestyle.

But instead of looking at my whole self and the pace I had lived at for years, I tried to fix my gut. I treated the symptom. Now, to be fair, that is exactly what a good doctor would do. If a patient presents with gut issues, of course the gut needs attention. I absolutely needed to heal my gut, and addressing it was an important part of the process.

But what I didn’t realize at the time was that my gut wasn’t the entire story.

It was like trying to fix a leak in the ceiling when the real problem is the roof. That leak was a warning sign. The lifestyle behind it was years of pushing and ignoring the signals my body had been sending all along. For me, that looked like not nourishing my body properly when it needed it most, exercising and overexerting myself when rest would have been restorative, and saying yes to every opportunity that came my way.

God was trying to get my attention.

But I didn’t see it that way at first. Instead, I did what I had always done when faced with a problem.

I tried to solve it. Obsessively.

When Type A’s Try to Heal

When Type A personalities encounter a problem, we don’t sit still. We research, learn, and act. In many ways, it’s a great era to be wired this way because the information isn’t just available, it’s yelling to us everywhere. Podcasts, articles, research papers, experts on every platform. With all of that information comes the promise of new supplements and various protocols claiming to be the next fix. Before long, the search itself becomes an obsession.

We begin to identify with the illness because we refuse to stop until we find the solution.

I tried to find the perfect doctor. That mostly led to another doctor… or another problem to solve. Of course, each doctor had a protocol. There were endless promises:

HBOT and red-light therapy

Detox protocols

Gut healing protocols

Microbiome protocols

Mitochondria protocols

Nervous system resets

The list kept growing, the costs kept piling up, and somehow, I kept getting worse. The cycle repeated itself: new doctor, new tests, new supplements.

Eventually you end up with a graveyard of supplement bottles, each one representing the next magical thing that was supposed to fix everything.

One day I realized something humbling. My gut had never been the whole problem. It was simply the warning light on the dashboard. Instead of fixing the car, I kept trying to silence the warning light. Each protocol was another attempt to turn off the signal. But warning lights are designed to come back, and mine did; each time a deeper shade of red, each time louder, until eventually it seemed to take over the entire dashboard.

The Discipline of Doing Less

Eventually the day came when I said out loud, “I surrender!”

Before that moment, I had been resting only because my body was too sick to keep going. Now I was resting with intention. Before, I forced myself to eat out of fear. Now I was nourishing my body with real food. Before, I walked with the goal of hitting a step count. Now I walked simply to move my legs because they hurt so much from my nervous system being on overdrive. Before, my planner was so full that I couldn’t imagine adding one more thing. Now I plan my days loosely, grateful simply to wake up and experience another day of a new paradigm of health.

You rarely hear someone say,

“Today your discipline is to sit on the couch and rest.”

Or,

“Instead of taking 10,000 steps, your discipline today is to take 3,000.”

Or even,

“Your discipline today is to eat more food than you’re comfortable eating.”

But sometimes healing requires exactly that. Reprogramming a nervous system that has been running on pressure for years takes time. And time moves slowly. That doesn’t mean you sit back passively and hope things improve.

Returning to the Basics

Healing didn’t come from adding more, which comes naturally for me. Instead, it came from creating the kind of environment the body knows how to respond to: sleep, nourishment, gentle movement, a nervous system that feels safe, and consistency in the small things that seem almost too simple to matter.

One thing I learned along the way is that a good practitioner doesn’t keep adding and making things more complicated. In fact, they should be prescribing these basics first before piling on any medications or supplements. Sometimes the most healing thing you can do is return to the foundations.

For someone wired like I am, it feels too simple, and it doesn’t move the needle very fast. There’s no grade or prize or raise for slowing down. Type A personalities like solutions, plans, and progress we can measure. We like to do something.

But that something may mean a lot of nothing at first.

Healing still requires discipline. The discipline of patience. The discipline of consistency. The discipline of missing out for a season.

And slowly but surely, you start to get your life back. But not just back. Renewed. Rested. Ready for the next chapter. I do want to give a caveat: Hard work isn’t wrong. I have a very strong work ethic and believe in the power of hard work and discipline to accomplish one’s goals. But healing taught me something I had never considered before: discipline must also know when to adapt. Sometimes discipline means pushing forward or working harder. And sometimes discipline means pulling back and giving space for recovery.

Both require strength.
Both require humility.

The discipline that built your life may not be the discipline that heals your body.

The poster on my wall told me to make things happen. Healing taught me something different: Sometimes the most disciplined thing you can do is finally stop pushing.

How It Sneaks Up on Women in Their 30s and 40s

(my next Substack article)

Remember when you would complain about a “tummy ache” as a child?

For many women, the digestive issues that appear later in life feel like a muddled version of that discomfort but worse. In many women’s thirties and forties, foods that once caused no problems suddenly lead to bloating, gas, or unpredictable digestion. Meals that were once simple begin to feel micromanaged and “un-fun,” and the changes can seem to appear out of nowhere.

But digestive changes are rarely random. More often, they are the slow result of years of unseen pressures building in the body.

The Early Years

She had always carried stress in her stomach.

Even as a kid, when something felt overwhelming, it often showed up as a stomachache. In college, she kept a box of little pink Pepto-Bismol tablets in her drawer. A few of them usually solved the problem well enough to keep moving through the day. Her symptoms showed up almost daily, from about 3:00 to 6:00 p.m., like clockwork.

Unfortunately, as she got older, the pattern never really disappeared. She simply became better at managing it.

Her early diet looked like what many women were taught was “healthy” in the 80s and 90s: fat-free yogurt, rice cakes, bagels, cereal, frozen yogurt. Diet Coke. Lots of carbs and very little fat. Then in the 2000s, she wised up from her overdose of carbs and shifted toward processed protein bars and protein shakes often loaded with sugar alcohols and fake fiber.

Movement was constant. Long cardio sessions. Always staying active. Always staying lean.

From the outside, she looked disciplined and healthy, but her body had been quietly absorbing the cost for years.

In her twenties, she could eat almost anything. Coffee with cream counted as breakfast. Lunch happened between meetings, in the car, or in small bites of snacks throughout the day. Dinner was always late and usually large.

She was thin. Busy. A star multitasker. People admired her discipline.

Her body kept up.

Until it didn’t.

First Gut Signals

That day bloating started. Not just a little bloat, but that six-month pregnant look. This came with crampy gas and unpredictable digestion. Sometimes urgency after meals and sometimes nothing for days.

Foods she had eaten for years suddenly felt unpredictable. Nausea and brain fog crept in. Fatigue followed.

She told herself nothing had really changed.

So, she changed her diet.

This is when everything started spiraling.

The Fix Cycle

Like many thoughtful, proactive women, she began searching for answers. She visited her primary doctor which led to more doctors. She was put on meds. She tried new diets. She ran tests. She added supplements that promised gut healing, inflammation control, or microbiome repair.

Each step seemed logical. Responsible, even. But with every new strategy came more rules, more information, and more pressure on a system that was already overwhelmed.

Over time, she began to realize that her gut had not simply “broken.”

It had been responding to years of strain: From undereating, overtreating and accumulated stress.

Why This Is Happening

1. The Nervous System Was Always Involved

She rarely thought of herself as “stressed.” Her gut would often be the first to signal that something was wrong, but she rarely stopped long enough to listen. Instead, she stayed chronically busy pushing from early morning to late at night with little sleep, working out harder, and constantly pursuing the next goal. Ambition was her friend.

For years, this pace seemed normal. Productive. Even admirable.

But digestion does not function well in a state of constant urgency.

2. The Modern Fix Culture

When her symptoms began, she did what many thoughtful women do: she researched. She listened to podcasts. She read books. She tried supplements that promised the new buzzwords: gut healing, inflammation control, or microbiome repair. She eliminated foods, tested every aspect of her health, and sought out new doctors who offered new protocols, medications, and supplements.

Before long, the process itself became overwhelming.

In today’s health culture, every symptom seems to come with a protocol. But the body often needs something far simpler.

3. The Accumulation Problem

By the time she reached her late thirties and forties, another layer appeared.

Hormones began to shift. Recovery slowed. Years of a chronically busy lifestyle started to accumulate in ways she had never fully considered.

What once felt sustainable no longer did, and many women reach this stage carrying decades of accumulated strain on the body.

What Actually Helps: The Five R’s

1. Reduce Pressure

Not every symptom requires a new protocol. At some point, she stopped chasing solutions. The endless cycle of supplements, diets, and testing had only added more pressure to a system that was already overwhelmed. For the first time in years, she stepped back and allowed her body the space and time to stabilize.

2. Restore Rhythm

The body thrives on rhythm. She began eating regular meals of real food, sleeping eight hours a night, getting daily sunlight, and slowing the relentless pace she had lived with for so long. What once felt unproductive began to feel restorative.

3. Rebuild Nourishment

Eating enough again was harder than it sounded. Years of diet rules and convenience foods had disconnected her from simple nourishment. Slowly, she returned to meals built around real ingredients; foods that didn’t come from packages but from her kitchen.

4. Regulate the Nervous System

Recovery no longer meant pushing harder. It meant walking, breathing deeply, resting, and paying attention to the signals her body had been sending for years.

5. Relearn Trust

After years of operating in a constant stress response, trust between body and mind had faded. Healing required a new relationship; one built on listening rather than ignoring. Like any intimate relationship, caring for the body, respecting its limits, and allowing time for recovery slowly rebuilt that trust.

She isn’t fully there yet. But she no longer ignores the signals her body has been sending for years. What she once called dysfunction now feels more like communication.

The diagnoses helped her make sense of what was happening. But they were never the whole story.

Now she is learning to stop long enough to listen.

(This was my Substack post to follow Part 1)

I do believe in miracles. I’ve seen them.

But they rarely look like what we imagine.

For a long time, I carried a very specific picture of what a miracle would be. I would wake up one morning and be 100% better. No symptoms. No debilitating fatigue. No gut shutdown. Just normal.

But what is “better,” really? What does healing actually mean?

Let’s imagine that God answered my prayers exactly as I had scripted them. Imagine He erased my symptoms overnight.

Would my eating patterns have changed?
Would my pace have slowed?
Would my performance identity have loosened its grip?
Would I be as intimately close to my immediate family?                                                        Would my nervous system have learned safety?
Would I have stopped outsourcing my belief to the next fix?

If I’m honest… probably not.

Relief would have come. But transformation? I’m not so sure.

Because lasting change isn’t built in an instant. It’s formed slowly, through repetition, humility, adjustment, and surrender.

Slow healing transforms.

Joy vs. Happiness

James 1:2 says, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds.”

We read that verse and nod, assuming joy must be the emotional byproduct of a hard season; as if we are supposed to feel cheerful in the middle of suffering.

But that’s not what joy is.

Joy is not pretending.
It’s not smiling while you feel like death.

Joy is trust…that this time is not wasted.
It’s stability anchored under pressure.
It’s the refusal to interpret pain as abandonment.

Happiness is circumstantial. It’s that high on the rollercoaster of emotions.

Joy is different. Joy is a steady confidence that God is still good, even when we shake our fists and say, “This isn’t fair.”

You can have disappointment and joy.
You can have symptoms and joy.
You can have fatigue and joy.

Just like real love isn’t merely a feeling, joy isn’t either. It’s a paradigm. A faith in something larger than ourselves, knowing this story is not meaningless, and it is not just about us.

Becoming Wholly Grounded

We talk a lot about being “holistic”: mind and body. But when I think about true healing, I think w-holistically.

Body.
Nervous system.
Identity.
Pace.
Relationship with food.
Relationship with control.
Relationship with God.

If only one layer heals, it isn’t real healing.

Because symptoms can disappear while fear remains. Energy can return while pace stays unsustainable. Relief can come while identity is still performance-driven.

That kind of healing doesn’t last.

Real healing integrates every layer.

This Is Actually Good News

I still resist that idea sometimes. Slow healing can feel like being stuck behind a slow car while everyone else speeds past. It feels endless. It feels unfair. Is this my life?

But if healing must be slow, then you are not behind.

You are not failing.
You are not missing the magic protocol.
You are not doing it wrong.
You are in process.

And slow healing means something important:

You don’t have to panic.
You don’t have to chase.
You don’t have to collapse when a day goes wrong.

You are building a foundation that cannot be shaken.

And foundations are laid one brick at a time.

Slow Is Not Behind

(This is my latest Substack article. Catharsis, Finding meaning, and Encouragement: the purpose of my writing)

No one signs up for this.

I don’t know a single person who would willingly choose to be sick for a long season, no matter what kind of “sick” it is. We all want relief from suffering. We want the breakthrough. We want the story to turn as quick as possible.

But the kind of healing that lasts must go deep. If anything, chasing speed and quick fixes can destabilize it. Healing pace is not driven by urgency or panic.

Quick change rarely builds new habits or new ways of living. It doesn’t teach your body that it’s safe to slow down. It may bring relief for a moment, but it doesn’t rebuild the foundation underneath.

Sometimes, in the middle of a hard day, we wonder:

What am I doing wrong?
Is God not there?
Do I need a new doctor?
Maybe I just haven’t found the right supplement.

Slow healing isn’t doing nothing. It’s not ignoring wisdom or refusing help. It’s simply refusing to panic every time something feels off. It means you stop interpreting every hard day as proof that you are doing it wrong.

Healing is more like falling in love and staying in love. The beginning may feel electric, but what lasts is built in the ordinary days; in small adjustments, consistent choices, and trust over time. It’s also like building wealth. Quick wins don’t create stability; disciplined habits do.

In the same way, healing asks us to seek wisdom without chasing every shiny fix and then to trust the process one day at a time. The problem is, we’re wired to believe that fast equals better. But when something changes quickly, it often disappears just as fast. We’ve all seen it: quick money that disappears, an intense fling that fades, a new plan that feels like the answer until the next flare reminds you nothing underneath has changed.

The 2-Degree Concept

The other day, a friend shared something with me called the “2-Degree Concept.” Instead of chasing dramatic breakthroughs, the goal is small, steady shifts… two degrees at a time.

In therapy terms, it’s not about fixing everything overnight. It’s about building enough stability that when something goes wrong, you don’t experience a total collapse; just a slight deviation.

When you build slowly, your nervous system doesn’t spike as high. Your crashes don’t crash as low. You don’t relapse into despair. You don’t outsource your stability to the next supplement, doctor, or promise of a miracle fix.

For years, one flare (or bed-ridden day) meant:

This isn’t working. I’m broken. Let’s start over.

And starting over can feel good; a total dopamine hit:
A new protocol.
A new doctor.
A new supplement.

There’s something about the new that gives us fresh hope, because going slow feels so boring. It often feels like it’s not working.

We like quick.

But when healing is slow, and a harder day comes, the inner voice shifts.

It becomes:

Okay. This is just a small bump.
I can manage this.
Stay steady. Adjust.

It’s not sexy at all.

It’s slow healing at work.

And here’s the gift:

Slow healing reduces the swing between hope and despair

Being grounded and steady is underrated.

Let’s look at Sophie in five parts.

1. The High-Functioning Years

She wakes up early. The gym is a given.
Stacks her schedule with no margin.
Answers emails and listens to podcasts while downing her breakfast.
Measures success in a completed checklist.

She feels valuable because she performs.
Because she accomplishes.
Because she never drops the ball.

She doesn’t just like being capable; she needs it.

2. The Breakdown (A Slow Drip)

The gut flares.

The nervous system stays on high-alert.

Her body won’t let her push through.

The fatigue doesn’t lift.
Sleep stops cooperating.
The brain fog and weakness make even simple things hard.

Discipline can’t save her.

Instead of being patient, she becomes a patient.

Suddenly she is no longer high functioning 
she is just… functioning.
Barely, some days.

The body is the last place we expect rebellion.
But when it does rebel, it is a wake-up call you cannot ignore.

3. The Identity Crisis

Who is Sophie if she:

Can’t power through?
Can’t multitask?
Can’t dominate her to-do list?
Has to nap?
Has to say no?

This is where humility enters. When performance left, she met the parts of herself she had neglected. 

And she began to wonder if God had been waiting there for her all along.

4. The Paradigm Shift

Not because she understood it or could explain it. But because fighting it was exhausting.

Not “everything happens for a reason.”

That doesn’t help at 11am when you must lie down.

But something for Sophie shifted.

Slower mornings.
Short, honest conversations with God.

Looking up at the sky instead of down at a checklist.
Walking without tracking steps. 
Noticing a bird she’s never seen before.

In the quiet, she began to notice God not as a fixer but as a steady presence.

5. The Learning to Be Steady

She didn’t lose her drive. She just stopped using it to control the outcome.

Sophie used to chase 10’s; Now, her life lives in the 6’s on a good day. And that is OK.

She celebrates:

Waking up and being okay enough to walk.
Savoring each bite of food.
Thinking clearly and maybe writing something.
Making something special for her hubby. Sleeping through the night.
Enjoying a treat with her daughter instead of declining it.
Sending the encouraging email even if it isn’t perfect.
Laughing with her husband at the dog’s ridiculous antics.
Trying a new recipe and not caring if it’s perfect.
Texting a friend just to say hi.. without an agenda.
Sitting in the quiet without needing to fill it.
Reading a paragraph and actually remembering it.
Driving without rehearsing tomorrow in her head.
Answering a question without over-explaining.
Sitting on the floor with her daughter just because.
Browsing Amazon together when she’s too tired to shop. Leaving something undone and sleeping anyway.
Laughing at something small and not analyzing why.

Steady doesn’t trend.
There’s no adrenaline rush.
It doesn’t look impressive online.

But steady changes everything.

When the body only knows chaos, it will stay in chaos even when you try to rest. The steady is what retrains, restores, and refreshes.

It’s underrated, and maybe that’s the point.

Maybe the ordinary, grounded, sometimes boring 4–6 (vs. 10) day is where the real strength lives.

At least now, for Sophie.

(This is a post I wrote for Substack. I decided to write it in 3rd person as a way to look at myself from the outside. Very cathartic).

It’s time! So, here is my first one. I plan to start reflecting through my writing. It’s a cathartic, clarifying tool that has always proven successful for my sanity.

From High-Functioning to Rebuilding

What happens when competence meets chronic instability…. and healing becomes the new ambition.

by:

STEPHANIE HAY

Beginnings are hard.

Not because I don’t have something to say, but because I have lived so much of it quietly.

For the past few years, I’ve been rebuilding my health in the background of real life: teaching, mothering, researching, praying, walking through fatigue, gut instability, and the strange shift from once high-functioning to the recent see-saw of functioning and not at all.

I didn’t set out to become someone who writes about healing. I set out to feel steady again. Not exactly a lofty goal for a Type A woman like me, but when you’ve been traveling a debilitating health road, your ambitions shrink. You become grateful for the smallest, most ordinary blessings (like a single blooming sunflower sitting upon your countertop)

Somewhere along the way, I realized I wasn’t just restoring my body; I was learning how to think differently about resilience, nourishment, faith, and the nervous system. And a new motivation began to take shape: pay it forward. Help someone else feel less alone.

So why this, and why now?

Because I’m no longer in crisis mode. I’ve gathered data: oodles of personal data (unfortunately), and scientific data thanks to a relentlessly curious mind. Healing isn’t loud, and it’s rarely linear. It doesn’t announce itself with a dramatic finish line.

And I have come to believe there are women like me who are competent, capable, and faith-anchored, and who are quietly trying to feel normal again. This is the space where science and story meet.

Here, we will talk about:

· Gut-brain healing

· Metabolic restoration

· Nervous system retraining

· What “rebuilding” actually looks like

· How high-functioning women learn to trust their bodies again

Grounded in research, I anchor everything in faith because sometimes faith is what gets you to wake up and live another day, pain and all.

This is real time. It isn’t finished. But maybe it isn’t supposed to be. I see the sunrise pushing through the clouds, slowly.

You won’t find quick fixes here. I bought into every snake oil that has ever been sold because when you’re desperate, you’ll try anything. That is not, and never will be, my motive. My deepest desire is to inform, encourage, and relate.

It will be thoughtful.
Measured.
Honest.

I plan to publish once a week; sometimes personal narrative, sometimes research discussions, and often a blend of both.

This is a beginning. I have no idea what will come of it, but it feels like a calling I can no longer ignore.

If you’re here because you’re rebuilding–physically, emotionally, or spiritually–you’re in the right place.

Steph

I am learning so much lately. It’s a constant reminder of what I have done to my body with full awareness (not eating enough but I thought I was) and then what I did because I couldn’t tolerate much food (because my gut became so dysregulated). Now, I have to heal but the process is extremely debilitating and humbling.

Part 1: For years, my body was living in a state of quiet emergency. NOW this wasn’t starvation or collapse. It was just not enough fuel + constant gut stress, day after day after day.

To survive, my gut became an alarm system: Pain, pressure, gas, unpredictability. Apparently, my brain learned: digestion = threat. So every time food moved through my gut, my nervous system paid attention; it adapted by turning the volume knob up.

SO….when a body doesn’t have enough energy for a long time, it protects itself by becoming hyper-sensitive. What does that mean?

• Signals that should feel mild feel intense
• Normal sensations get interpreted as “too much”
• The body reacts early, not late

IT ADAPTED, and  my legs and body became part of the warning system. It started to use pain and nerve signals to “signal” trouble. SHUTDOWN> That looks like: burning legs, heavy. limbs, tranquilized feeling, not able to keep eyes open, body fading. (We thought it was low blood sugar or thyroid or hormones…etc). BUT it was my nervous system saying:

“We don’t have the reserves for this. Slow everything down.”

IT FEELS LIKE YOUR IN HE_L.

But the frustrating part? It’s like a see-saw. One day I feel functional; the next COMPLETE OPPOSITE> But, if my nerves were damaged, symptoms would be constant, worsen, and never disappear. Mine fluctuate (gut dependent usually) Like if my gut is overly active, gassy, distended: my day is completely shot. I hear, however, nerves are plastic. They can get back to normal. Mine are just overreactive.

Part 2: My symptoms feel WORSE during healing. This is the hard part; it is the cruel part no one warns people about. I am finally eating enough, gaining weight, and reducing my gut issues (By detoxing off all supplements and meds); my nervous system doesn’t instantly relax. Apparently, it says:

“Wait… is this safe? Are we really okay now?”

So it flares on and off while it relearns safety. Symptoms resurface during refeeding/recovery; they feel intense and make me doubt EVERYTHING. It’s called recalibration. (not relapse) HA!

Part 3: Enter: Nortriptyline LOW DOSE (10mg)…I started at 3 and have ramped up slowly. This TCA (usually at high doses is used for depression but in low doses used for gut-brain axis issues) What it is supposed to do is turn the volume knob down on overreactive nerves. But it doesn’t work OVERNIGHT. (sad). It helps my nervous system stop yelling when it doesn’t need to.

SO what I’m praying for is by weeks 4-6 my flares are less intense, recovery is faster. I have about 2-3 days per week where I feel like a human being. The others, well, not so hot. I have to put on my happy face and just make it through somehow. By March or early April, these patterns hopefully will stop dominating my life

Part 4: I have consciously made the choice to eat 1800 calories EVERY SINGLE DAY no matter what (starting Dec. 11, 2025). It has been 9 weeks. This is important because my brain keeps asking “is this enough?” I have resorted some energy availability; allowed my nerves to START  calming, and I’m giving my system a chance to heal. SLOWLY (and it’s VERY uncomfortable). I do not have ANY hunger signals. In fact, food sounds terrible, but I eat anyway. ON FAITH. After I finish, I wear a warm compress as to allow my stomach to not flare up.

What still needs to happen? Retraining my nervous system to fully trust consistency; rebuilding tolerance to normal digestion; and fully stabilizing autonomic responses. THAT TAKES TIME at stability NOT force. (I CANNOT WILL IT). This is why without the STEADFASTNESS of GOD and his powerful presence in my life, in my HUMANNESS, I would have given up.

I am teaching my body: I AM SAFE.

Part 5: What can I expect the next year to look like?
Based on my patterns of symptoms that come and go, improvement in gut pain/stuckness, and ability to function on even hard days: I would hope that over the next 2-4 weeks: burning (shoulders, eyes, legs) is less intense; sedation doesn’t flatten me; bad days recover faster, and fewer “what the hell is happening” moments.

Over the next 2–3 months: ( I PRAY)

• symptoms stop dominating decisions
• gym becomes consistent again
• food feels less dangerous
• I stop thinking about this all day

Long-term: This isn’t ME, and it doesn’t define my life.

My nervous system is UNLEARNING how to survive in years of stress. It’s an uneven, frustrating, emotionally taxing, and hopefully (NO, IT WILL BE) temporary state.

I am in the recalibration phase: this is the hardest one mentally, but the one WILL END.