Redeeming struggle: It’s in the fruit you must focus

It’s easy to experience deep heartache, health problems, or family consternation and throw up your hands with a failure mindset; it’s our human nature to give up and run… or hide! It’s what Adam and Eve did the minute they knew there was a problem whether they caused it or not. Who wants to experience pain? I don’t know anyone who invites conflict or pain into their life.

Let’s look at this last week. July 31st through August 2nd. We were to be in CA having a wild ride at Knottsberry Farm and experiencing Huntington Beach. It was to be a glorious family adventure. Let me go through the list of challenges that have been thrown at us as of recent.

First, Mom got in an accident and that threw us all for a loop. This was a wake up call for all of us to be more prepared for emergencies.

Second, my gut flared right back up. I mean with a roaring fire, all my symptoms from the past six years came back times 20 because I’m so much weaker now.

Third, the three of us have had some hiccups in the family with some lack of self-control out bursts (not so pretty).

Fourth, Woody. Dear sweet Woody. Passed. Enough said there. Devastating

Fifth, Tatum admitted some behaviors she had been keeping from me. It was a complete cleansing for her after Woody passed as she saw it is a sign she needed t make a fresh start in all areas.

IS THERE ANY GOOD THAT CAN COME FROM THIS!???

So you can see, all of this in a matter of a month….immense pain, sorrow, and conflict. AND, often, as the HAY family, we have come together in tears. Now, what can we say from here?

REDEMPTION: HOW THEY ALL GOT TURNED AROUND

Monday:

It was to be a delightful day of Hay Happenings: Starbucks, Glow Putt, Bowlero, Swimming, Family Dinner. We arrive at Starbucks, and when we got there, we had a few misunderstandings, and unfortunately they escalated. It was a short visit.

REDEMPTION:
The three of us sat at the island, and for probably the first time, we all realized the heart changes that needed to happen. We each shared, and if it wasn’t for this hiccup, we wouldn’t have realized old triggers. You see, we ALL have triggers from our past or from past experiences that we THOUGHT we had healed from or dropped in the ocean. Yikes. If it wasn’t FOR hiccups, how could we know what needed to be healed. SO. My dear HUBBY tearfully shared his heart and humbled himself completely. WHAT MAN DOES THAT? I’m so blessed to have such an introspective, humble, open-minded man.

The rest of the day was delightful at our events!

Onto Tuesday.

This little sparkly girl was ready for our LUCI’S outing and then Great Wolf Lodge for Daddy and TOT!

I wanted Tatum to originally go to the beach, but alas…I couldn’t do it. AND, I was planning on going to GWL with them, but this was my day for a struggle. ALL of my SIBO has returned with a vengeance. Oh, and I mean truly hard! This time, I’m 10x weaker. So, I stayed back to go get some testing and to rest.

THEY had a great time!

REDEMPTION: This time, my SIBO healing will be different. I met with Patel and Ruiz, and they both, well me especially, are going to go about it THIS TIME with new eyes. I know so much more this time, and I shall heal faster and forever!! I KNOW IT.

Tuesday night. IT HAPPENED>

I hear a SCREAM, and Tatum discovers Woody is not alive. We put him in a box and mourned mourned mourned.

As a 10 year old, this loss is monumental…really of any age, but this is her first. It’s too painful to write right now, but we, as a family, chose REDEMPTION:

The next day, we would go to the BIRD store and see the options for a new bird (in time).

WEDNESDAY:
Starbucks.. a redo.

And then,

Let’s go talk to them.
REDEMPTION:

Would you believe that in a couple of days, the store would receive a BRAND NEW CROP of hand-fed parakeets? The timing was truly God. There’s ALWAYS a waiting list, and since we came that day, we’d get the first pick!!! That is no coincidence. Also, the owner shared that they had experienced many losses and Tatum had a chance to realize she wasn’t alone.

While there, we met Tumbles and it all put smile on our faces.

Daddy was having so much fun with this 2-lb’er

AND, also, Daddy wrote Tatum a beautiful letter to REDEEM all the sad.

What a father. What a daddy. What a man. What an HHH.

He even wrote me a heartfelt letter. Humility; what a hot quality.

Finally. Finally. Finally.

Tatum shared some things she was not proud of with me. TRUE CATHARSIS. She had been hiding a few things, and she knew that now that Woody was gone, she needed to make a clean slate in all ways. Also, she didn’t want anything to stand in the way of our bond. With that, we renewed our relationship as well, and she wrote a story to
REDEEM it all. None of this is really true, but she wanted to express the concept of sin, mistakes, and then finding JESUS in it all.

HOPE

By Tatum Hay

One day an 8 year old girl, named Opal and her 4 year old brother, Greyson, were playing with her bird, Agua. 

Opal every night would sneak outside at 12:00 midnight, and play video games on her phone. 

That night she snuck out of her room and tiptoed down the stairs. What Opal didn’t know was that her dad was still awake down stairs. As she reached the last stair she heard footsteps. Her dad was walking over to the stairs! 

Opal quickly looked around for something to hide behind. She found a big plant and ducked. Her dad walked over and stood for a minute.  

Opal gasped for air and then she stood up. She saw her dad, and realized it was now or never. Her dad turned around and started to move up the stairs. 

The next morning Opal felt terrible.  She walked over to Agua, and picked him up. Greyson walked over to her bed and stood there. He had a weird look on his face.  “ I told mommy that you were up last night playing games on your phone.” Greyson said as he plopped himself on her bed. Opal walked over to him and shoved him off her bed. Tears were rolling down her cheeks. 

Opal watched as her mom walked over to her, and sat down at the table next to her.  “Honey, I am not sure what to do with you.” 

Opal told her everything and asked for forgiveness. Her mom looked angry  and upset. “Opal I am very hurt, and you need to earn my trust back. But your consequence is that I am going to have to take Agua away from you, and set him free.” Opal started  bawling. 

1 week passed and Opal had stopped sneaking out of the house to play video games on her phone. She had gotten a new bird named Hope, and earned her mom’s trust back. She became a Christian, and got baptized.  

                                                     THE END

The only thing I can add is that with my mom’s accident, we all have grown closer and more grateful. Again, fruit cannot grow without pruning, and we have ALL been truly sheered.

So, I finish this note off with pure gratitude. I will share more epiphanies later, but suffice it to say, GOD IS GOOD ALL OF THE TIME; ALL OF THE TIME GOD IS GOOD

TJ’s has a NEW shopper

Tatum wants to take over the shopping at Trader Joe’s. She wants me to give her the list, and she would get all the groceries. I figured I’d do the produce and meats, and she’d do the rest. I love TJ’s because it’s small enough I don’t have to worry about her safety AND they all know her there.

OK, list in hand (oh and Woody)

Ready….set

Let’s SHOP!

You got it, Tot!
She did great. This year, she’ll start making her own lunches too.

AAAH! She’s growing UP.
You got it, Tot!
She did great.

ROCKS: God, Family: The ups, downs, and using it for GOOD! Average Boy, Special Needs, and Foster Care

My heart is filled with so many emotions. We tend to think some emotions are not healthy like sadness, depression, or guilt. However, they really are all just that: emotions. It’s what we do with that emotion that makes it healthy or not.

This summer has been filled with this emotion: Sadness and guilt. Sadness because my body is just not where I want it to be; it’s truly in a suffering state about 23 hours out of 24. D.A.I.L.Y. With that, guilt comes because I cannot be that active, serving, vital, totally present mom/wife/daughter that I want to be…or that I feel I NEED to be. I struggle with God’s purpose in all of this and seek answers which is truly emotionally just EXHAUSTING.

But, through it all, I have this man and this girl. Doug and Tatum. They are the ones who are steadfast. Doug, D.A.I.L.Y, encourages me and tells me how madly in love with me he is. (?!?)

And Tot…dear sweet Tot, tells me every minute that she just wants to be with me. NO MATTER WHAT.

So, I take it ONE day at a time, and I’m learning to release my burdens and my complete and utter frustrations to HIM> It’s so hard, and I just don’t know what He’s teaching me, but I do trust that He has a plan. Meanwhile, my family becomes tighter and tighter.

AND…Tatum tells me daily:

MOMMY, if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t want to be a Special Needs mom, help in Foster Care or write this story.

She is writing a story for Focus on the Family (Average Boy)

Stay tuned for the FINAL. It’s called Broken leads to Bonding.

My family. My God. MY ROCKS.

Daddy, our pets love you and so do WE!

He’s kinda the underdog (no pun intended) with our pets. The unsung hero…and Woody and Coopy A.D.O.R.E him!
Woody just wanted to be near him.

Coopy? He’s right there next to him.

We love you so much DADDY!

Not a BUMMER summer test 6! Making strides~!

She is maturing, learning, and thriving!
With all the challenges of our health this summer, we still continue to make the best of it.

Here is just a sample of her test 6!
Sure, her grammar is growing, her timed math continues to be faster, and look at her goals. Gosh.

She told me that (because of me) she wants to do more with adoption and foster care. SHE CANNOT wait to be a mommy! That is the biggest compliment she could give me. You see, often (actually daily), I am filled with so much guilt because I cannot necessarily travel right now or even play with her with any type of gusto. The best I can do is just be present, read with her, draw, and lots of talking/sharing/laughing/crying. You know what? She tells me that is more valuable than gold. It’s not the roller coaster/beach/fancy restaurants that hold the memories (although fun), but it’s the just being present as she goes through her growing years (to navigate her many emotions).

I am honored to be your mommy. XXOO