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Soothing. How much is too much?

Today, I attempted to go to church. Tatum slept soundly in her car seat as I clasped her seat to my City Jogger. Yes! I thought as I walked into the empty lobby due to me being a few minutes tardy. Quietly, I found a seat in the back and attempted to focus on the music. Tatum started to fuss; however, two minutes prior, a couple of friends stopped by to check her out. My sweet sleeping child looked so peaceful in her rest! They were so enraptured by her adorableness. Sure. They missed the next minute. Fuss Fuss Fuss…..”Mom, I’m not comfortable….Mom, I’m gassy…Mom, I’m getting hungry..” Who knows what it was!!?

My feeble attempts to force….hem…I mean place the binky between her sweet little lips was not working. I felt like a genie granting all of her wishes, and soon I began to wonder.. How much is too much? Am I supposed to answer her fusses in hopes she’ll stop making noise? Am I creating a monster? Or..am I comforting my uncomfortable child because she’s my child for crying out loud! She’s just a dependent little infant! Oooooh..the questions…ooooh the guilt. Exit door left as I hear,    “Do you know we have a cry room?” So, off I go and enter a packed house. Apparently, many babies don’t like church. Fuss fuss fuss… It’s getting close to that hour of wailing, “I’m STARVING!” What was the sermon about again? My holy, Godly voice has shut up. It now says, “Get out while the girl is just fussing and not screaming.”

So I did. Hmmmph. I miss church. I still love my little cherub, but she’s got to self-soothe! Help.

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Family is messy

But they are ours. We don’t choose our families. This may be an excuse to not have to work out problems which occur because they’ll “be there no matter what.” Will they? However, being there and really BEING in relationship are two different things entirely. One can have a lifetime with brothers, cousins…even parents and not really be known or know them.

Working on friendships and love relationships seems to take precedent when conflict arises. Sadly, we search for that perfect community which might not be in our own families. Can’t this be solved by wrestling with the hard issues? There is no perfect family….not one.

This is the year of the family; my family however messy or hard it may be…I will be a true member.

 

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Isaiah 49:8

Today’s devotion from Charles Spurgeon for some reason really hit home.

Last night, I entered a dark place in my heart with some anxiety and fear. Sadly, for a momentary time, I had forgotten the incredible gift which God has bestowed upon me in Jesus. He is my perfect Savior who loves me no matter what. Spurgeon puts it best: “Our blessed Jesus, as God, is omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent. Will it not console you to know that all these great and glorious attributes are altogether yours? Has he power? That power is yours to support and strengthen you, to overcome your enemies, and to preserve you even to the end. Has he love? Well, there is not a drop of love in his heart which is not yours.”

For Tatum to know that her mom is secure in her faith and foundation is my wish. Moreover, for her to experience this infinite love in Jesus trumps all of my desires.

He sums it up: “My God, I am thine–what a comfort divine! What a blessing to know that the Saviour is mine! In the heavenly Lamb thrice happy I am, And my heart it doth dance at the sound of his name.”

Isaiah 49: 8: Thus says the Lord:”In a time of favor I have answered you;in a day of salvation I have helped you;I will keep you and give you as a covenant to the people,to establish the land,to apportion the desolate heritages,

 

Jesus. Love, Justice…Mine. I have no

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The End or the Beginning?

Today was one of those days when you want to tie a bow on top of a large box. This year was chock full of incredible pain and abundant blessings. The box was huge. However, hindsight is 20/20, and as I reminisce about the total package, I can see that flowers always follow a storm. Yes, it’s the ‘ol silver lining surrounds every cloud theory.

January jaded and jostled; would I survive? Yes: New friends, new writing opportunities.. and  my first colonoscopy!

February: Relationship changes; new ones begin. hmmmm….Motherhood. Ponder that.

March: Moving on and forward. Classes, Studies, Cleaning and Refining. AIDA.

April: Writers unite and the Powerful Pen makes Sabrina a star.

May: Hurting hearts unable to help. Hope of new surroundings.

June, July: Renew Reflect Recharge

August 22nd: A Phone Call which changed my life.

September-October: Prepare Prepare…Prepare!

November: NCTE. Tatum is born on Thanksgiving.

December: Family. December 31st: The ink dries.

Lord, Thank you for the struggles, the challenges, and the opportunities. May I live up to the blessings you bestow upon me. Bless my family, my friends, and this amazing United States. May your will be done.

 

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101: more than a number

She lived 101 years: Mary Elizabeth Borror, my grandmother, or more familiarly, Mimi.

David brought her breakfast, and she was as chipper and witty as ever. Her half-eaten oatmeal was all that was left as he returned to find her at 10:50am peacefully at rest.

Although one is never ready for someone to pass, she really was ready to go. There were no loose ends as she saw all of our family was happy and “working together.” She could leave knowing we would all be OK on this earth until we meet her; she gets to be with Jesus early!

What are some fine memories?

-lumpy cream of wheat eaten with my Snoopy spoon

-thin buttered cinnamon toast sliced in strips for ease of eating

-whipped orange juice made in the Oster blender for frothiness

-Lemon ice box dessert made especially non-dairy for me

-taking care of me during pneumonia/Marie Callendars veggie soup

-sewing my formal dresses and fitting me to a T

-Our sharing our love of poetry, pink and flowers

-EVERY painting she created I LOVED ( I was her biggest fan)

-butterfly heels for which I used to don around her house

-moving in with her when I needed her most; helping me financially

-I got to be her secretary when she was in the hospital.

There are a million more. I love you Mimi. Rest with ANGELS

10/03/1911-12/30/2012

 

 

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Dog first; baby second?

The day I brought Tatum home, I had carefully prepared Coti, so I thought. Every night before Tatum’s arrival, we had our chats about what was about to take place. Did he listen? Was he even paying attention!!? Perhaps not. I brought home one of her little hats from the hospital and placed it in his doggie bed. He tossed it around and ignored the head covering. Then the next day, I brought a blanket and strategically put it in his favorite couch spot. Maybe this would do it. Fast forward to Tatum’s homecoming. He not only growled at her but almost bit her! We immediately freaked out and shielded him from her for a few days. Then, finally we just confronted the situation head on. When I fed Tatum, I played with Coti directly following. I had to go overboard to love on my dog.

It’s five weeks later, and he adores her! The minute she cries, he looks at me saying, “Hey, mom, what are you going to do about this!?” If only he could feed her and change her diapers. Maybe I can teach him to soothe her when she cries. Now, that would be the perfect world.

Sadly, it’s not perfect yet. He is going back to BOOT CAMP with dog training. Coti has been showing signs of aggression and elusiveness. It’s only natural; however, I really miss my old dog. I know this transition will take time.