Hay Happens and Hay's Happen

So, I make a big deal out of the little mysterious and un-lovely behaviors which come out of my adorable princess. I must because, you see, I teach middle school. Daily I am around 13 year olds who may be in large bodies but likened to 2-year olds in behavior. My overactive mind thinks I will not have a daughter who shows  B…R…A…T…T…I…N….E…S…S (looks like thrashing about/biting/slapping when her way is not given) or  E…N…T..I…T..L..E…M…E…N….T (sounds like “mine!” and whining when wanting something NOW!) or E…G….O…C…E…N….T….R…I…C…I…S….M (feels like demanding my full attention at ALL times no matter what is going on or with whom I am conversing). Now, many will say, “Oh this is completely normal at this ripe old age of 20 months.” Sure, may be normal once or twice but again and again? Nope. It can be nipped and tucked out.

Case 1: Throwing Baby when wanting attention. Baby goes bye bye until a much later hour in the day after she has realized she should not throw her toys.
OR When she is finished with something, say, “Thank you,” and hand it to me nicely. She must do it over and over again until she gets it right which gets tedious, but she gets the idea after 15 tries. Plus, she WANTS her _____ (insert what she wants at that moment)

Case 2: She wants to hold the toothbrush while I brush her teeth. We had to play tug of war and then she lightly slapped me on the face. Solution? That time she got a time out and showed me “gentle hands” and this morning, knowing that this may happen again I prefaced our brushing with, “Tatum, I am going to count to ten and brush your teeth. After that, you may hold the toothbrush.” Done. Then distract with “You have to help me close the cabinet.” Success.

Case 3: Tatum demands ALL of my time. I tend to give in and play with her letting her really run the show of what we do. Solution? I play with her for 30 minutes, then I go in my room, she follows me,  plops in her little chair and I tell her to go get a book.

She did not go, “UP!” to get on my lap. She kept busy.

Well, she kept busy around me trying to get my attention, but at least she was playing! Then, after a while, we read together. Her time, my time, our time. Nice. Moreover, we can then be silly and have F…U…N!

Case 4: I know she is going to cry when we get into the HOT car. I have learned that I must give her warning that it will be HOT. So, I am now armed with a cold drink or I tell her we will get her some crushed ice. The key? Communication. Telling her ahead of time what will be happening. Just like if we are going into the store. I tell her what we are doing and what I expect. “Tatum, I expect you to hold my hand the whole time.” vs. “Don’t xyz”…I focus on the positive and what I want not the “don’t” or “no”…  Also, I make sure I put “Baby” into the conversation. “Baby misses you” or “Baby wants you to be happy” or “Give baby a sip” etc. This gets her outside of herself and helps her to care for
another. Also, it is distracting to her needs. Then SHE wants to do what Baby does. Perfect!

Today, I just looked at her as she napped and thought: Man, this is hard work, but she is so worth every minute.

My goal is to raise an independent, kind, God-loving and God-fearing lovely woman so I keep my eye on the LT goal vs. my need to be loved or accepted by my daughter or to have her be happy with her mommy at all times. She will get upset and fight it, but in the long run, she is becoming a lovely, budding, young woman (with her Father God’s help).

 

 

 

 

Used today and by choice!
She ran up to me and said “poopoo” and pointed to the bathroom. We plopped onto the pink seat and voila! By no means is she trained, but the seat was a success!

Actually I think it is just wanting to seat on a throne herself. Hmmm?

 

BABIES!
Caught again. Secret: She has two babies. One for the car and one for the house. They got a bit mixed up last week, and I lost track. I had forgotten she left one in the “pub” (tub).

One of her babies she had placed in the dollhouse, and after running into the bathroom, she looked in the tub and saw her…what!? What is this? “Baby??” Baby!!! She then ran into the dollhouse room and voila! TWO Babies! She had to tell me immediately, so now?

Two. 
A pretty happy chick!

 

Newfound strength. Words cannot describe the appreciation I have for some new people in Tatum’s life. This weekend, we had the chance to be with an incredible family who solidly love the Lord and truly embraced Tatum.

Not to my surprise, I relished some time with the mom of the family, Dee, as I picked her brain with Tatum strategies. Her wisdom gave me so much hope. Giving Tatum choices and allowing her to slowly gain some independence will wage off her potential battles with me ( of defiance and frustration). Also, Tatum, and really any child, needs constant communication about what to expect and how to act in certain new situations. If given proper guidance and clear expectations, she can only blossom in challenging times. I am learning, minute by minute, how to lead Tatum down the path of least resistance on all of our parts.

Thank you for providing, Father, as you lead us into the next stages of life. Thank you to the S family as they are treasured by Tatum and me. Thank you to my dear friends at church who patiently love on me as Tatum and I learn to make the best of our experiences within the church walls.

 

 

Sundays are always wonderful. Not only do we get to go to worship God in community, but it’s a day of swimming and family.

After we took communion, we headed out of church Tatum clutching my hand. Although she is lower to the ground, it does not stop her from saying “HI!” to everyone in her path.

Then, we headed to the “poo.” That’s “pool” in Tatum-speak.

Her specialities? Back float, 123 jump, Superman to the side, elbow/elbow tummy knee/knee OUT of the pool. Masterful.

Then we end with her jumping off the shark into Mommy’s open arms. Thank you for my new hat, Grandma, to celebrate my Waterworks 🙂

This question is coming. This looming question of who is the other half of mommy is coming down the track like a slow moving train speeding up daily. I do not fear because I know her Daddy, and I’m getting to know Him day by day.

Tatum, you see, I was BBB (Blessed Beyond Belief) to be your chosen mommy. Your Daddy chose ME to raise you and wrap you in my arms and nurture you until the day I pass on. You know what? Your Heavenly Father is your Daddy. He loves you that much that He gave me to you and He is there for you always. ALWAYS, unlike earthly daddies. HE will never let you down. HE is unchanging. HE is protecting you and watching over you always even when nobody is there. HE won’t mess up and leave you. HE LOVES YOU MORE THAN I CAN EXPRESS. You have the rest of your life to get to know Him, and so that is my ultimate prayer for you; that you will get to know Him with every fiber of your being and that you will LOVE HIM with ALL of your heart, soul, mind and strength. You know what the result of this knowledge will be?

Confidence, Joy, Peace, and HOPE in a forever future with Him.

Tatum, I will never let you forget this because sometimes you will. Sometimes, I do, and I have to pray and be reminded that He is there. No matter what. Truth trumps Feelings. Don’t ever forget that.

Not at 20 lbs

 

and not ever!

XOXO.

When I imagine a future for Tatum, I dream about a girl with values. No, a lady with values. (I’m training a potential adult, not child) What does this even mean in this society? It seems as though this term has been replaced with wanting one to be happy or healthy. Although being healthy and happy are important, they are not what I desire most for Tatum.

Now, of course most people would never say, “I want my child to grow up to have money, power, fame or status,” yet that seems to be what we value as a society. Fundamentally, we know that none of these lead to happiness, yet they still seem to be solely and “souly” pursued. Sometimes with a vengeance. I do see that the stress we put on our children to be the next big educated or environmentally-correct super hero; we also are so overly health conscious with them (guilty as chard) Sadly, without even trying, these “values” encourage jealousy and resentment. I would also say, extreme unhappiness.

Extreme happiness, I would argue, comes from knowing you have a set of values that are unwavering and grounded. This grounding foundation gives one self-worth and a True North. But how does one achieve these values? Hopefully from parents who teach these values by embodying them.

So, Tatum, this is where I come in and give you the keys to happiness and a long, prosperous life. Your quality of life is based on your values. The “fruit” comes from building on them with help from above. Wow, what a happy life awaits you as you live these.

1. Worship God and only God (not self nor anyone/thing else): Jesus was even asked which commandment was key, and He said, “The most important one is this: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.”  (Mark 12:28-30)

Putting her faith in God and loving Him will define who she is. She will appeal to His authority which will guide her life with Love and Truth.

2. Respect Everyone. Jesus wants us to “Love [our] neighbor as [our]self.” He made it evident that we should extend our love to all people of the world, regardless of race, religion, nationality or any other artificial distinction. 

Sometimes, she will be disrespected, disregarded, rejected and hurt. However, how she handles it (or reacts to it) and how she treats the “other” is what matters. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Can we say “Yes” to the question, “Would I want that said or done to me?”

3. Stay humble.This quality of being humble is respecting others. This is the opposite of having “high” self-esteem, which is the focus of today’s parent. The prisons are filled with people who have high self-esteem; they believe the world revolves around them, they feel “entitled” and they say they are the victims of attack.  Instead, having a healthy self-worth affirms also the worth of others and it allows us to see the dignity and worth of all people. 

It will be easy for Tatum to become haughty because so many adore her. Her task will be to have quiet strength; to fail with grace; to love in light of potential rejection.

4. Be honest. Without your word, you are nothing. Integrity takes time to develop, yet can take a millisecond to lose. So, what does it really mean when one says to be honest? It’s a pretty black and white issue, and I imagine that it is about being true to self (and ultimately God). This means constantly keeping a check with motives. Many times things are said or done to protect ourselves; 
perhaps the same to protect another. But I will argue and teach Tatum that she needs to be able to stand at Jesus’ feet, look Him in the eye, and know she is 100% OK with her decisions, speech, behavior, and even her heart (motives). This means for me, my word to her is my bond. My yes is yes and my no is no.

(Being honest means being your true (sometimes silly) self! 🙂 )

5. Practice what you preach; don’t be a hypocrite. This means you walk the walk and talk the talk. Be real. Can one look at your daily life (even when nobody is looking) and see you are who you portray yourself to be? Jesus could not stand the Pharisees, for He saw they were all about “the show”; the image; the flashiness of spirituality. She may not always “feel” spiritual or happy or whatever the moment calls for, but she owes the world a smile, respect and love even when it is hard. That also leads to not ever being “self-righteous” like she knows it all and others don’t. That is the first way to turn people away. Attract, don’t deter people!

6. Be kind. (this means generosity also with self, time and money). This takes wisdom and maturity to develop. Many times she will put herself out there with a friendship or with her investment of time into a person and be let down. Her kindness and love should prevail in light of that. I say err on the side of mercy rather that cynicism. Also, things are just that. Things. Hold them loosely. Moreover, her ability to  give of her time to important causes/people/needs and her ability to give her funds as needed will teach her that this is the answer to depression. Giving. It’s kindness with a hand.

7. Forgive. Forgive. Forgive! God is merciful and forgives us whenever we fail or fall short. We must also be able to SEE that we did fail and take ownership of our mistakes. He forgives. Do we do the same for others? In the same way, we must be merciful and forgive other people who sin against us or do us harm. This does not mean she becomes a doormat, but a woman with a heart for others; praying for them but not allowing them to continue to do the same over again. She will become wise as a serpent (in who she can be close to) and gentle as a dove in dealing with the wrongdoings of others.

 

(so she doesn’t have to crawl into the cage and be pent up 🙂She must ask for forgiveness and forgive others as well ( I also will ask for her forgiveness as I will mess up many times)

8. Be Grateful. Don’t whine, complain, be disenchanted with what you have or do not have. Be thankful, for you have everything. You have life. You have life with your loving Father who will protect you even when it doesn’t feel like it. Gratitude is an attitude. Develop it.

 

There are many more, but these values I see will build in her a strong foundation as they develop her as a lovely young lady. I can only pray for wisdom in guiding her.