Heavy a weight

A million pounds I feel upon my shoulders daily. However, on the flip side, I love all that I do!
Performing my responsibilities is part of the joy of being a wife, mother, and worker. Something about accomplishment is in my DNA.

But with this compromised health situation, all I feel is guilt for not doing enough or at least doing it well.

I’m haunted by….WHAT are my my root issues… (with my health)

When Tot was born 2012, I had barely been to doctors. Now, yes, I have been dealing with gut issues for a few years past, but not to the point of non-functioning. I used to be able to swim a mile 2x/week, workout daily, walk a ton, and experience life! (including travel). Oh, I’ll include writing often, drawing, and SERVING /ministry.

Now, somedays, I wake up and wonder HOW WILL I EVEN get through my day?

I just wish I had a diagnosis so I could focus on the CURE to getting better. Feel like I’m just throwing darts seeing what moves the needle. The Dupixent has helped my gut. 
I wake up DAILY NOT rested. My legs are so weak and my fatigue is beyond functioning.

My wonders:

  1. I have EOE (eosinophils were 845 on my last blood test (vs 15 which is high/normal)). Dupixent is working. I am regurgitating only like 2-3 times a day vs like 30. Nausea is way down but not gone.
  2. My Autoimmune markers are positive. Further testing is being done to rule out any type of specific autoimmune. Seeing a Rheumatologist to guide me
  3. Also T3 is low. (Multivitamin?: SELENIUM)
  4. My RBC is low showing potential anemia.(MULTIVITAMIN and the HBOT?))
  5. My heart numbers are quite high…(Cholesterol, ApoB) (Trying Coq10 + Red Yeast Rice)
  6. Saffron for sleep? 
  7. Peptides?
  8. Did the HBOT help? Shall I try infrared?

I want to be ALL IN with Tatum’s homeschooling. It’s my dream and passion. I want to have dates with my husband. I want to see my family more (mom, Connie, Kas…) I’d like to have an occasional coffee with a friend. (or walk). I MISS my CHURCH and serving.

Are these selfish thoughts? These wants line up with scripture? They line up with having a full life.
All is this is part of my story. I TRUST he has a plan for me.

In the meantime, I SHOW UP forTatum every day for school. We will get through this. I pray for answers and cures to come SOON. Please Jesus…just tell me what is next for me?

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