Rudeness. Disrespect. Curt responses. Somber mood.
What is our knee jerk reaction to this as a parent? Punish! Respond in kind…Acutely! But, is there more to the story? You have to dig and that TAKES TIME.
Being Tatum’s mom has been a lesson in patience and understanding. To want to be in control and manage her behavior the way I would like it to be; the way I EXPECT it to be…well, this is the main challenge. Instead, I’m trying to understand the underlying issues behind the behavior (how “un”pretty it can be).
The beauty of Tatum is the SECOND she has an edge in her behavior, immediately she apologizes and feels awful. However, she is still trying to understand herself where it is coming from. HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE. Period.. She has hurt…she then lashes out (without even the cognizance of understanding).
Praise GOD she has me to process it out.
I remember I would come home from school with LOADS AND LOADS of heartbreak from my school day. I would be in a terrible mood (and I didn’t even really understand how to piece the WHY together). I had NO way to process it out. I would just be sad and maybe have a few “lashing outs” and then go to bed. It would PENT UP in my heart, and unhealthy behaviors ensued. I DIDN’T PROCESS IT AT THE TIME AND THAT JUST ADDED UP. Our brains have not developed and we don’t have the WISDOM to know how to emotionally process the daily disappointments and heartbreaks. AND if we don’t have Jesus, how can we learn to function in the world with all of the daily disappointments and heartbreaks ? WE THEN FORM INTO AN ANGRY, RESENTFUL person. EEK.
Tatum had her first sleepover at our home with her FAVORITE friend. Oh she couldn’t have been more excited, and Tatum wears her heart on her sleeve so this friend KNEW Tatum was overly jazzed. In fact, Tatum pursues this friend with passion. The friend might not AND DOES NOT respond in kind. Bedtime arrived, and the friend had had enough of Tatum and wanted to go home. She also didn’t feel very well. The friend went home. The next day, Tatum continued to pursue said friend and even brought her a load of goodies to help the friend feel better. (She never even thanked Tatum for the goodies)
The writing on the wall: The friend continues to back away and Tatum’s heart continues to break further and further. However, Tatum does not have the wisdom to maybe give friend space. Oh, watching this has made me realize how much she needs Jesus to be her BEST friend (who never leaves) and how much she needs to PROCESS this out with me! I went through ALL OF this as a kid. She also cried out since she doesn’t have siblings, and she is even more sad (it’s quite lonely). I related to her. I My brother was much older than me and my mom was not around. She has me and she has her daddy. She also has Jesus (which I didn’t have). The kids who have siblings don’t seem to be as “needy” in the friend department. (do they!?)
SWEET GIRL….Please know God is protecting you. He is saving the RIGHT friend for you! We are in TWO co-ops with amazing kids. You just wait. YOU KEEP BEING YOU and God will provide the RIGHT friends at the right time. PLEASE TRUST HIM.
I love you so much Tatum. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!! I am here for you and you WILL figure this out. God will protect you. TRUST HIM.