Reflection on being a mother; 6 months of lessons
Advice…it is everywhere. This is the first lesson I have learned in becoming a new mom. It reminds me about being in the gym in the weight room while meathead boys try to show me the correct form on doing a deadlift or a squat. “Thank you for your help” I would say. I’d take it or leave it. Obviously, opinions on motherhood is on a much grander scale, and I listened to every bit of it only to find out, it did not matter. Reams of books are written on motherhood, and everywhere one turns, there’s a wise woman sharing what not to do or what must be done or one will damage her child. It’s enough to make one run for the hills before bringing home her precious package.
When news got out that I was going to have a daughter, the advice started to roll in. “Run the vacuum when she sleeps;” “Make sure she sleeps with a humidifier;” “Try to rub a little Vicks on her chest.” “Don’t use a baby carrier or you’ll destroy her neck muscles; You have to try this stroller”; “Put her on her stomach; Don’t put her on her stomach”; Have her sleep in your room”; “Give her own room”….SHEESH!
I realized that for every piece of advice, there was 50 other pieces of advice saying something completely different.
One thing I can say: Until one is looking at THAT situation mano y mano, no decision can be made. Trial and error must trump all of the advice.
What have I learned?
- I can go three months without a lick of makeup or a curling iron to my hair, and it’s ok!
Sure, I take pride in how I look, and I always try to at least put some under-eye concealer on to hide my dark circles. Sometimes, however, it just doesn’t matter. Really, becoming a mom one become a bit invisible. “Selfies” are now replaced with constant pictures of my little one. Literally, hundreds and hundreds of shots. What did they do before the iPhone? It didn’t matter that I had one black and one blue sock on, or that my hair was hoisted at the top of my head. My child was more important than me and my world was about her, no longer about me. As much as I would like to deny it, before I had Tatum, my needs really came first. Sure, I would stop everything to help a friend or a family member, but deep down, my world was still mine. No longer was this the case; it was truly a new feeling to have her be my first love; a total change in perspective. Hearing her cry in the middle of the night resurrects me out of a deep sleep and her needs rise above my need for slumber
2. Not every minute do I need to be accomplishing something.
I struggle with unproductive time; not free time, but time that is not leading toward some goal. Now, my days are filled with, well, time with my daughter. This may look like me making funny faces for ten minutes followed by lying on her mat and sitting watching her play. Then, of course diaper changes and feedings every couple hours. If someone were to ask me what I accomplished today, I’d say, Nothing. But, in the scheme of things, I accomplished more than I ever had in the past. Time with Tatum.
3. Gray is a color.
And now it’s not only painted on my walls, Revere Pewter to be exact, but it’s a prominent color in my life. Things no longer are black or white. She cries. What is it? Nothing is working. I have no answer, so trial and error begins. Do I pick her up or let her cry. OH, the field of gray just gets bigger. Being a person who needs to fix things and needs to have a pat answer, I have learned that there has to be peace in the unknown.
4. I know what real tired feels like.
I used to complain about always being tired. I yearn for that day when I felt like that; that was not tired. That was sleepy. Being tired is now a way of life; it’s normal. I have learned to be able to function on very little sleep. Recently, a friend of mine said he was so tired because he got too much sleep the previous evening. What does that mean? That’s not even in my vocabulary. Too much sleep. Hmmmm.
5. Love is complete sacrifice; I’m closer to understanding Jesus.
When one becomes a follower of Christ, one tries very hard to understand the sacrifice he made for us. For me. It’s a foreign concept; the thought of loving someone so much one would die for him or her. Love is not just a feeling one has inside; it’s truly so much more. Until one is a mother, I don’t think one can understand that idea; complete and total love; so much that one would give up everything and give them anything. Before, it was an idea I tried to comprehend. Now, I get it. My Father God loves me this much too! Being able to understand the breadth, depth, height, and width of His love has not been possible until the moment I got to have Tatum.
Motherhood is so much more than taking care of a little child. It’s a complete change of character, and a journey I continue to learn and understand (OR NOT) daily.
Today, Tatum was dedicated at church. The whole church and Pastor Terry, prayed over her and blessed her. May her journey be filled with knowing HOW MUCH SHE IS LOVED AND CHERISHED. May I have wisdom in her rearing.
