Getting married and forming a family means that there are going to be growing pains. I remember when I was in sales, we would discuss group dynamics. The stages really do make sense: form, storm, norm, perform.
It has been a new experience for all of us, but since Tatum is a young’n, she is learning from scratch. WE are all FORMING.
Maybe that’s better because she doesn’t have past triggers which may be set off. Her ability to have self-control has been challenging. STORMING is happening at times. For example, she has a tendency to tell Daddy what to do or tell him “No, that’s not right.” This is just direct disrespect and dishonoring. Also, she can have highly emotional feelings which then escalate and cause her to say things like “Go away.” This just produces wrinkled hearts and then sadness all around. She feels extremely guilty immediately, and she does apologize, but the sting stays.
Sometimes it feels like heads are coming off and frustration sets in for all of us.
She wanted to ask Daddy for more date nights, so she asked him to sit face to face so she could present her invitation. Having a relationship foundation is so key to forming and norming. Besides you are more likely to care what one knows if you know how much one cares.
He immediately agreed and was excited. NORMING HAPPENING!
Then, at our Hay Happens Family meeting that night, we are trying to NORM some more with strategies for self-control. Remember the motor oil STP?
It makes things run smoother. So does being quick to listen and slow to speak. First time asked must be accomplished as well. None of this is new for Tot, but we need some reminders.
I love this process. It’s messy and sometimes painful, but after a storm, FLOWERS BLOOM. This is the part where the HAY family will PERFORM! Perhaps it’s two steps forward and one step back. Just so we are moving forward.
We may not always agree, but teams can only grow through conflict and then SOLVING IT through talking and praying. Gosh and we do!
Tatum is embracing the growth, the challenges, and she is LOVING being Tatum Hay. It won’t be official until next year, but right now, the HAY family thrives in love:
“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love” (1 Cor 13:13)
