The past few days have tested me more deeply than I can put into words.
My body, already worn from months of struggle, reached its breaking point.
I was weak, dizzy, and so undernourished that even standing felt like climbing a mountain.
After several days of trying to manage at home….fighting nausea, fatigue, and cramping beyond livable, I finally went to the emergency room on Monday.
The Mayo Clinic ER was bright, sterile, and somehow comforting all at once.
They hooked me up to fluids … Lactated Ringer’s… a simple, clear bag that slowly gave my body what it had been missing.
As it dripped into my vein, I could almost feel my body whisper, thank you. BUT, I also had my dear husband next to me counting the minutes. We had to go through two and 1/2 bags and wait also for the blood test results. I only wished they could have given me a feeding tube.
The nurse, Courtney, was kind, the doctor gentle (and his last name was HAY!), and for the first time in days, I felt a bit more rested.
When I go through these VERY low days, I am reminded that I am never alone. Not alone because of my hubby and daughter, but MOSTLY, HIM.
I’ve spent so long trying to fix, control, and understand what’s happening inside me, but healing, true healing, isn’t just physical, it’s also spiritual.
As I lay there, I whispered a quiet prayer:
“Jesus, I’m tired. I can’t carry this by myself anymore. PLEASE I need a miracle.”
I remember who holds my story.
Now, as I start a new nutrition plan and rebuild one careful day at a time, I’m learning what hope really looks like: It’s not the absence of pain; it’s trusting that God can use even this season of weakness for something greater.
Each small improvement every shake I can tolerate (since now all I can tolerate is an elemental diet), every calm meal (to come!), every breath without nausea is a miracle in motion. I will follow up with my GI doctor and pray that we are on the road to fixing my gut for good!!
I still have a long road ahead, but I’m not walking it alone. I just need to keep going and fighting! I have such a great team, and for that, I’m so grateful to Jesus.