Category: Totally Tatum

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A repentant heart

For some reason, I’m struck by the Lance Armstrong story.

Lance has broken records in not only cycling but in beating odds overcoming cancer. He’s started a foundation to help others, inspiring them with his story. But, now he has decided to come clean. He’s decided to admit he has lied all these years and has been doping during all those seven years of winning.

Wow.

So, why now? What are his motives? Is it our right to question his motives? Why do I even care?

What concerns me is the message he sends to the kids watching his career. However, lest we forget the beauty of confession? There is a need for confession and repentance for all of us and we know according to Romans, that we “have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. We all know that when we ask for forgiveness with a truly repentant heart, it is freely given to us by the grace of God through the blood of Christ.”

I can sit here and question his motives, judge him for his immorality, doubt his heart, but really….it’s between him and God. If he truly has a deeply contrite heart, then he is forgiven. Whether we the people forgive him, is another story. Maybe the bigger issue is propping him up as a role model in the first place. As a parent, I must be careful on who I allow my child to worship. My hope is that she would love Jesus with all of her heart and follow Him as her example. Furthermore, I want to be her example in how I live my life.

Yes, I’m going to sin. However, and this is crucial…my sins, large or small, should grieve me enough to desire never to repeat them. I go to God regularly, willingly asking Him to examine my heart and “see if there is any offensive way in me” (Psalm 139:23). John Allan Lavendar said, “Before you pray for a change in circumstances, you should pray for a change in character.” Tatum will watch me and hopefully see MY heart.

As for Lance? God only knows if his confession is real. God only knows if he will repent and truly have a change of character.

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Spots and Smiles

Sunday was a breakthrough day.

My dear friend Denise came over to visit Tatum and me. Tatum had just spent the morning fussing at Walmart in the customer service line. (Actually all of us standing in the customer service line were fussing internally, so Tatum was spot on.) I noticed when Denise cradled her in her arms, Tatum tracked with Denise’s eyes! She even seemed to say “Hi” with her cooing. I have been waiting for this magic day when Tatum would SEE me. Later on during the day, as alert as a nightwatchman, she smiled and cooed AT me, not just randomly. I think our relationship is gelling.

It makes me feel so honored when I can connect with her on this emotional level….our eyes deeply meeting and saying, “I love you with all my heart.”

Sunday also taught me that SOY is NOT the answer.  Her little system is experiencing MORE constipation even with the laxative for which she was prescribed. Darn! She turns BEET RED as she pushes and pushes upon eating. Then, I noticed her checks were filled with spots and looked like a big bout of acne.

My mother and many researched blogs agreed…it’s the soy. OK! So, no to the milk; no to the soy. What is left? Enter Nutrimagen. This hypoallergenic formula promises to soothe her tummy and be the answer for her allergies. Really? Man, I hope so! I ran to Walgreen’s (AGAIN!), gasped at the price (it’s twice the cost of the others), prayed for this to be the “IT!” and ran home to feed her again.

Stay tuned.

 

 

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I’m serving HIM in all I do.

“Serve the Lord with gladness! Come into his presence with singing!”-Psalm 100:2

Attitude really is everything…and so is perspective. It was just this morning I cried out to my mother, “When does this get fun?…She’s so miserable and I can’t help her!”
It’s so easy to become myopic and just see my day as one big three hour routine. It’s another to soak in every second and see every second as a blessing (no matter how loud the screams sound)

When I change her diaper; when I clean up her milk stains; when I comfort her out of her stomach ailments (if possible); when I redirect Coti…all I do, I do unto Him. I’m serving HIM. This is my ministry right now. There is joy to come after all of the work.

Dearest Lord, Help Tatum’s system settle and help us find the right formula and/or combination with or without medicine. Help me to stay focused on You through this and to see the joy in the midst of the routine.

 

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The word of the day is SH_T: Part 2!

Wanting Tatum to go and NOT wanting Coti to go! Today it was all about SHI ___.

Yesterday, Tatum was PLUGGED UP! So, off to the store for some suppositories. Yes, we had success. Not today. Heave ho Heave ho…wince wince...:-( Nothing. And there was not much rejoicing. Now, before I could do the magic insertion, I figured I’d play with Coti a bit! Last night was his dog training lesson,  (and he was a model student as opposed to usual when I want to wear a mask and say, “not my dog!”) so we threw the squeaky hot dog and then practiced his model behavior. Perfect! OK…back to Tatum. I searched high and low for the box of glycerine tubes. As I entered the room where I had left Coti, he ran and hid in a corner. As he did this, trailing behind him were THREE empty suppository tubes. The first thing that went through my head was not my dog’s health. It was my pocketbook! $9 down the drain! No, just kidding. I prayed there was ONE left for Tater Tot. OK..Now I worried (well, Tatum and I both were concerned) about Coti and how lovely his disposals would be and which end would they be ejected..!?

 

Coti ended up running to his happy place so as to not inflict more frustration on me.

Thank goodness there was one plastic tube left for Tatum’s pleasure. I tried the insertion (YELP!) and hoped for her ejection. Still nothing, but I am still waiting. In terms of Coti? I am giving him a bit of rice to bind him up if needed. We just went around the block and he had to stop about five times to do his business. And it was a ten-story edifice.

AAAHHH>>>What has my life become?! Full of SH_T!? 🙂

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Coti, Constipation, and Cuteness

Yes…he’s doing everything to get my attention. Last night, Coti snuggled up on the place where Tatum spends play time. “Maybe she’ll play with me if I hang here…or just sleep and look cute.” He comes alive when it’s TTT.

You see, this morning, I “worked” on Tatum to loosen her a bit, if you know what I mean.

Her poor digestive system! If it’s not gas, it’s bloating..if it’s not that, it’s the big C! She’s plugged up like a tight coiled water hose. She’ll blow at any moment! Or will she? Looks like not so much, so I must find a solution. Dr. mentioned trying Glycerin suppositories. Now, this required a very uncomfortable insertion into a not so pleasant area of her body. But…..after wailing, screaming, fear of “what the heck you doin to me, mom…”….SUCCESS! 🙂

Now, she’s lookin pretty darn cute…

Being a mother is just one moment at a time! 🙂

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Is soy the answer?

Happiness…I guess it’s what I seek for Tatum. This punctures me to the core because I can’t help her get it right now. Maybe this is my ego talking, but the confidence and security I have in myself is waning because I can’t ease her pain.

The process occurs every three hours seven days a week. She sucks down that bottle with every fiber of her being. I make funny faces with her and sing silly songs. Then about seven minutes later she stiffens up, kicks her legs and starts to wince. She is trying to release something very painful inside. So then it starts….I pull out every trick in the virtual book…anything! Patting her back, massaging her belly, rubbing her lower side, bicycling her legs, spinning her around on her head…Ok, that last one I don’t really do, but I’m ready to try it!

Finally, I put her down in the fetal position and lightly shake her legs as I insert binky. Please relax, Tater Tot! She eventually will fall asleep but with much consternation. Fussing will begin eventually, and this is when I question everything. Pick her up? Leave her alone? Wiggle her a bit? This haunts me daily.

Today, I switched to Prosobee after 6 1/2 weeks of Enfamil Gentlease. I pray it works for her and relieves her gas…today it was constipation. That poor girl’s digestion… As a child I loved Prosobee, so maybe she will too.

I love you Tater Tot. Please find your happy place.

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