Category: Totally Tatum

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Day THREE: Downton Abbey Delight

I SLEPT! The pain was not as intense in the evening, and I actually awoke quite rested. Sadly, I would not get to go to church today, but I did spend some time in the Word.

What’s the plan today!? Hmmmm….. Well, it has been recommended to me to watch Downton Abbey.  Saturday was Season One. What a guilty pleasure!! We used to countdown the minutes to Friday night for Dallas, and this reminds me of that a bit. I love seeing Elizabeth McGovern in a series! I remember her in a Kevin Bacon movie about babies (She’s Having a Baby), and since then, I’ve missed her. She plays such a perfect part with a mix of compassion, austerity, and wit. Maggie Smith is also perfect in the role of the matriarch. The beauty of her character is that you want to hate her because she is so above-it-all, and then you see she has a big heart. Season Two is now beginning with the war against Germany. I’m sure hoping Anna will be with Bates and Mary will wed Matthew. Again, a fun guilty pleasure, and I never do this!! 🙂

Oh yes, the little girl! She was part of the fun today! Her cooing and aahing and her adorableness and ….the fact that I can’t do the mundane is killing me. My mom has to carry her to change her diaper, to put her down for a nap, to put her to bed, to bring her to me to feed her. Meanwhile, I hop around to TRY to help out as much as I can. Honestly, the frustration of being so helpless gets to me. I tend to focus on the things I CANNOT do: For example: Going to the store, getting my mail, grabbing a cup of coffee, carrying my child as I walk…

Now, what CAN I DO? Let’s focus on that:

Spend more time in my Bible and with God, building a stronger bond with my mom, watching Downton Abbey with a friend/mom/family, reading a great book (like Every Great Endeavor by Tim Keller), taking silly pics with Coti

AND OF COURSE, holding Tater.

 

 

 

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Day Two and OOOOOH!

What the heck did you do, mommy? How can I help? Coti sensed something was amiss when he saw me hopping around. Now, he comforts me as only he knows how.

Took a Vicodin at 11pm last night because the throbbing began. Not only was the incision felt throughout my body, but the nerves in my leg pulsated. Without truly falling asleep, I decided to get up and attempt to crutch my way to the kitchen and eat something. I also popped another Vicodin at 4am. Now, the pain is really starting. Thankfully, I slept until 8am, and as much as I wanted to sleep, I needed to be with Tatum. This morning, I am really experiencing the full brunt of this injury, physically. WOWZA!

Humbled. Thankful. Confused. Many different emotions flood my mind, but the most important one is my love for Tatum, my mom and Coti. Family and togetherness…These things are what matter, and I don’t think I ever have known this concept until now.

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Day ONE of being a one-legged gal!

As my eyes opened this  morning at 5:50am, I was reminded of all the advice I had read the evening before on various blogs. You should absolutely believe everything you read on the internet. (*wince*) Yes. I received the full gamut of advice scattered from the blogosphere, so you can imagine when my eyes opened this morning, I was ready for EVERY……..NOTHING! It’s like getting ready for a baby to arrive!  For every piece of advice, there’s two-hundred points which refute or alter what has been given. I figured, let’s be prepared for the worst; that way, I’ll be ready, eh?

As I showered and dressed for the day ahead, fashionning my lovely BOOT and crutches, I imagined what was to come…no more hobbling around on two feet for a while, and….the woes continued. Poor me. (get over it already!). Denise rang at 6:15am, so I kissed my dear mom goodbye (Tater and Coti were still sleeping) and headed out the door in my sock. (I forgot to put my right shoe on.) We arrived 2 hours early, and they prepped me. That basically means I wait until I get my anesthesia. They did dress me in this cute purple outfit with matching Bair Paw socks.  Not bad for $2200 (*wince wince*) Dear Denise waited until I was under, and then went back home. They gave me the various warnings of what I may experience (i.e. nausea, constipation, sickness, general fussiness (ok, they didn’t say that). Dr. McDreamy came in to answer all of my questions. Although I wanted to ask him if he was doing anything after the surgery, like massage my foot (:-) ) I decided that was not an option. He assured me to make sure I move around and not lay in bed too much. If I am to lay down, my foot must be elevated. 8:45 surgery begins (supposedly).

10:30am, I see the clock and wonder….”am I alive?” Kelly, my “are you awake and do you feel your toes” nurse, was lovely and fetched me 2 cups of ice chips. Delicious! Denise came, and off we went to the pharmacy for my PAIN MEDS (if I should need them), antibiotics, and Tylenol. BUT FIRST, “Starbucks drive-thru????” Coffee was not the recommended drink for after the surgery, but supposedly my IV gave me 1 1/2 Big Gulps of water so I figured I was hydrated. I was feeling GOOD!

Home at 12:30. Coti ran to kiss me, and Tater was swinging and ready to give me a SMILE!

GETTING AROUND: Return to the SCOOTER discussion here: This is my saving grace. I decided, upon McDreamy’s recommendation, to rent a Roll-A-Bout so I could get around the house faster and hold Tatum in my Bjorn. Now, this is the secret weapon. Today, I have basically been hands free to do what I need to do like fix food, clean up, use the facilities (:-), etc….. The crutches are super for when I am out of the house or need to walk up the stairs, but this thing is BRILLIANT!!!

 

So, now, I am resting in my mother’s delicious cozy bed, elevated leg and pillow-propped head. Heaven. I have enjoyed feeding and playing with Tatum, snuggling with Coti, solving the crossword puzzle with mom, looking for a way to rent San Francisco for tonight’s entertainment, and of course, blogging/writing/emailing/texting/communicating!

The LEG! Plus…see my Bair Paw sock; (a parting gift from the hospital)

Overly humbled, I will make the best of this situation, as I have seen God’s hand in this. This journey will not be wasted, for I know I have much to learn, and hopefully, I can pass on some wisdom in the process.

God is good.

 

 

 

 

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Gratitude, Grumbling and Grace

Today, in my Bible Reading on YouVersion, I read Exodus 15-17. Although, I have read these passages numerous times, and not to mention a whole movie was made about the parting of the Red Sea, this time it struck me: We go from gratitude to grumbling often in our lives. God then provides so much grace.

Case in point: Miriam sings: “Sing to the Lord, for he has triumphed gloriously; the horse and his rider he has thrown into the sea.” (21) They were all filled with such thankfulness for God’s provision of escape and the destruction of the Egyptian followers. THEN the people grumbled against Moses, saying, “What shall we drink?” (25) Moses cried to the Lord and He made the water sweet. He provides even after we complain.

It did not take long for them to FORGET God’s miracle of the Red Sea parting. Upon even providing water, He makes for them “a statute and a rule, and there he tested them, saying, If you will diligently listen to the voice of the Lord your God, and do that which is right in his eyes, and give ear to his commandments and keep all his statutes, I will put none of the diseases on you that I put on the Egyptians, for I am the Lord, your healer.”

It’s not rocket science…We forget WHO is our HEALER!; We forget WHO is our PROVIDER!> In fact, he provides manna for JUST THE DAY, and yet they still try to hoard and save for the following day. The manna becomes worm-infested and inedible. They had no FAITH.

 

What a lesson. God provides an incredible blessing in my life: TATUM! Yet, sometimes, I grumble and complain. May I remember the blessing of her presence when she cries non-stop. May I remember having FAITH in HIM when I don’t know what to do. His grace is sufficient for all that occurs.

I love you Tater Tot.

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What was that NOISE!? Oh, my goodness

It was my calf muscle! I was coming down from a step and I heard a horrific pop/snaaaap/crrrrraaackkkk (not necessarily in that order) noise. It felt like someone punched me in the back of the leg. Trying to stand up, I fell down because I could not put ANY weight on my leg. This is when I knew I had perhaps torn my calf muscle. The first thing that popped in my head was HOW WILL I TAKE CARE OF TATUM!? A big wake-up call of the dependence this little girl has on me. I can’t be out right now!

Tearfully, I immediately called my mother, and questioned what to do next. Of course, I had to get myself to a Dr. but WHO!? Healthnet did not help much, but I checked the list and started calling THE LIST. This was not at all fruitful. February 19th is not going to help me today. So, finally, I called the Arizona Sports Medicine Clinic. Yahoo! Tomorrow I shall hopefully have a diagnosis.

Apparently there are three grades of injuries. Grade 1 is just a strain. Grade 2 is a small tear, and Grade 3 is a full tear. I have no bruising, but I cannot walk or stand on my toes. So, now I wait….wait for some answers. In the meantime, I RICE and hope Tatum can be patient with me.

 

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Coti needs some lovin’

It must be hard for the little guy. He’s become second fiddle, and he is not taking it well.

“Hey, what about me!?”

It has been a little over two months now, and although he likes Tater Tot, he does EVERYTHING to get my attention. Sadly, it’s not always so positive. Isn’t that just like our little kiddos….they really want the world to revolve around THEM. He just loved being my first love, and now? He still is my FIRST, but he can’t be FIRST! His patience may be slightly growing and so are his ideas. For example, the other day, my mom was reading the newspaper, and he figured that if he jumps on top of the pile, we will notice him!

Eventually, he gave up and assumed his famous “bear rug” pose.

Ok, Coti, I get the message! We will play some ball!
But please always remember: YOU are my darling little Cotster, and you and Tatum will be a superb combination! Now stay cute, and BEHAVE! 🙂

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Returning to work

It’s around the corner! I can’t believe I’ll be going back to work in three weeks. I signed Tatum up today at Temple Chai and found myself weeping. “We’ll send many pictures,” was what they promise but for some reason this is no consolation. How is this helping me bond with my child? “We’ll have a picture of you on the wall so Tatum can see you.” Again…not helping! “Oh this is normal…all new moms go through this.” Sheesh..stop! I am not assured that leaving my child in the hands of other people is endearing my child to ME!

Now, she will get cuddled, fed, changed, and rested…all in the hands of someone else. This is definitely reassuring. However, I’m finding that my priorities are changing and my ambition level is cooling off. Ironically, I miss work tremendously, and moreover, I miss being productive! BUT…I’m finding a disconnect in that I want both/and. Funny, are we ever just OK with the way things are? This is when I know that HE created this God shaped vacuum in my heart that NOTHING can fill but His Spirit in me. I can be a FT mom or a FT teacher…or PT both, and still, I’ll feel inadequate and guilty that I’m not doing enough.

Father, help me to not be filled with “guilt” or “fear” as I move to the next phase of motherhood and career-woman. Help me to take one day at a time and make the MOST of that day. Thank you for the blessing of little Tater Tot.