Category: Totally Tatum

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The anchor for the soul…and the answer

The number one question I have had as a mom is, how do I get my child to mind me and listen? Example: If we are sitting in church and she is fussing and whining, how can I get her to sit quietly until the music is over? Answer? I can’t. She has to make that choice. Sure, I can hold her down and let her squirm and scream, but what does that get us? More squirming and more screaming. (for Tatum, me, and the rest of the surrounding world)

“Because I said so,” are those four letters which get overused by parental units, and I don’t want to go there every time I’m stuck for why she must ______. It may sound crazy, but Jesus should be the reason. Not to get all preachy and bibley, but the love I have for Jesus makes me mind my P’s and Q’s. It also is the reason I do what I do every day. From our thoughts and our beliefs flow our actions. If my belief is that Jesus sacrificed and died for me and loves me enough to take on all of my follies, foibles, and falls, then my love for him knows no bounds. Why would I want to live a life that is displeasing to him? Why would I want to be selfish, or prideful, or rude, or impatient? He put others ahead of Himself and loved others with compassion and mercy. In fact, HOPE in Jesus is “the anchor for the soul,” as Pastor Terry preached.

Therefore, this is what I tell Tatum when I pull her out of the service or the place where she is not being so lovely: “You know, honey, Jesus loves you so very much. We need to show him respect AND the people around us respect by being polite and quiet. The ________ (teacher, pastor…) is speaking, and our focus should be on him. Your time to play will come after it is over.”

If this can be something that sinks in for her, she will have internal motivation to do what is right in the right setting (even when I am not with her). I never want her to do what is right because I said so or because she is afraid she will get in trouble (although this is very effective). Obviously if she is running into traffic, I’m not going to stop and tell her this bit of advice; I’ll definitely enforce the “because I said so” until she understands what is dangerous for her own safety sake.

She soon will learn that Jesus will carry her burdens and lighten her load. All in time…all in time with much prayer and of course with my beliefs modeled to her. (I cannot force it and don’t want to)

IMG_5338 IMG_5332Hope. Hope in Him…The anchor for our souls.

 

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Being There

One of the challenges I face daily is my own nature…..I constantly think of what is next or tomorrow. Being PRESENT does not come naturally to me, so I actually keep my camera with me at all times so I can document the moment and think about how special it was.

This occurred to me on Friday when I met my dear friend Elizabeth and Tatum’s future husband, 2-year old Nicholas at PV mall’s play area. We arrived when the BKOC (Big Kids on Campus (the 4-5 year olds) had just left. This allowed Tatum and Nicholas to enjoy the area a bit more loosely.

IMG_5300However, I still had to monitor because she needs to have “training” in how to handle situations and climbing dilemmas/dangers before I move my ‘helicopter’ness over to the side couch. This was not the case with any other mom. Elizabeth and I were the only ones with about 35 kids running around rampant as the vacant side-couch moms (and some dads) sat glued to their phones. Now, I get it..sometimes you need to send a text or answer an emergency, but really? And..I also get you have to let your kids go at some point and let them fight their battles, but isn’t that why we are SAHM’s in the first place; To train our kids in the way they should go early on?? We two had to navigate the kiddos to get in a line and not push our little ones off the side. Where were those parents? They were “not there.” I am noticing this more and more when Tatum and I are together in public.

After a lot of climbing and just observing as Tatum loves to do, she just chilled.

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Whoever is in charge of placement of tempting toys in the mall should get a medal because they are all around. Example: the mall choo-choo train comes around constantly filled with children and parents. What would any curious child say? “Choo-choo???!!” I had to have a little side conversation with her about this and assure her that we would do the choo-choo another day. She really understood me, but it did not help to have it whistle and loiter around the play area. So, we decided to skedaddle and head right on over to the “up and down” as promised.

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Selfie with Tatum! She rode it by herself instead of me having to stand right next to her. Big step! Another big step is her eating her lunch with a big person fork and spoon. Impressive. Why does she not do this at home where it’s caveman hands stuffing handfuls of food in mouth?IMG_5308 IMG_5309

Again, more temptation surrounds the food court, so I let her jump on some of the rides; she did not have to know that they actually moved! 75 cents per ride? Sheesh!

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Of course she had to greet Mr. Bear when she hopped in the bus.

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Then smile pretty on the choo-choo. This was a fight to get her off and migrate over to her stroller.

Mall time made the Tot sleepy. So, she went down and stayed pretty groggy.
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Doggie wanted to play but she discovered how to use the camera on my phone and took a selfie. IMG_5323

What did I learn today? Be present. This time won’t last long. If I don’t savor it, it will be gone before I know it.

 

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Easy? NO. Important? YES

If we did (or did not (do)) everything we felt like doing, then life would be so EASY! Would it be fruitful? Nope. Would it grow us? Nope. Would it be good role modeling? Nope.

However, having a toddler is not a job. It’s not one that ends when you get home or when you go to bed at night. Even when your toddler is not with you, it’s still a job, and you’re still on “the clock.” I’m convinced that yoga pants and scrunchies were made by a mom and developed for moms. You can always spot a mom when you are out and about because she will look like she just came from the gym yet probably has not worked out in months. We just look lovely!

Here’s the difference, however. We need to be ON all the time. It’s really much like teaching in that I must have that smiley, positive attitude even when I just don’t feel like it. At least with teaching though, you can go have lunch with your buddies or hide in your classroom. Not so with parenting.

Just yesterday, I was T..I..R..E..D and just did not want to be the entertainment committee for Tatum. She decided I needed some coffee: 
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IMG_5283 IMG_5287Sweet child shared it with me after she gulped it down. I need to teach her about sipping (not chugging the hot liquid)

It did not get easier through the day either. She likes to say “NO” and “MINE.” (I know..something new in toddlerland) and this just makes life so pleasant. I must (like teaching) “think on my feet” and be creative because I will not battle this child every time she says “no” which is too many to count.

Spelling gets her attention because she knows many letters. I figured I’d stay away from the N..and the O although she does know the individual sounds, just not the spelling! Amazingly she knows the vowels and of course D (DOG!), J (JUMP!), and T (TATUM).
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The beauty of parenting (like teaching) is that it is all trial and error. Sometimes what I do works magically! And others? FLOP! That is when I walk away for a “MTO” (Mommy Time Out) so I don’t yell.

The day actually ended beautifully with the cuddling...and why??? My attitude adjusted. Before going “UP” to bed, I sat at the bottom of the stairs and just talked to her like an adult. I shared how much she meant to me and a little tidbit about when I was her age. Then we scooted on upstairs to a nice bedtime bonanza. (Because lately, bedtime is not so delightful).

Feelings: They are pretty powerful, but so is our ability to use a toddler strategy: SAY  ” NO” to how you feel and Y. E. S. to being positive despite feeling _____  (blah).

I love you, Tot.

 

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My non-cuddling little cuddler

Don’t ever label your child. I did it.
“She hates to cuddle;” She’s not a hugger;” Tatum hates to rock with me.”

Guilty as charged!

What has happened warms my heart. Tatum Knight puts her arms around me and really hugs! Is it a coincidence that she started putting her arms around me in August (one month ago)? I do not think so. This is exactly the time I decided to come home and BE HOME with her full-time. Now, daily, I get hugs.

Tonight, before I put her in bed, I rocked her in my chair and she cuddled with me. As I did, we prayed (well, I prayed out loud) and then I sang to her (poor child). Then, I put her in bed. Usually, I just put her down and pray over her in bed as she listens, but tonight?… We rocked and so did it!

My little angel. My sweet little angel.

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His child

Holding Tatum in my arms today during the singing at church, I couldn’t help but weep. The Spirit of God overcame me as my body filled with goose bumps and my eyes flooded with tears. Tatum heard me sing out to the Lord and as I did, I held her closer. She is my gift…my precious present that I lift up to HIM daily.

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She got it this morning, as she actually comforted me as I held her. She could sense His Spirit moving me. As my dear friend Dick said, children really do sense God; Jesus even tells us to have that childlike faith. I sense she has that even at 21 months. How does she know to be silent every night as we pray before bed? So many little clues of her precious faith; the kind Jesus wants us all to have.

The rest of the service reminded me of how blessed I feel to know the women of City of Grace. Elizabeth is one of them, and it is no coincidence that she used to work with my mom. We have playdates with her adorable little 2-year old, and we both think they’d be a tremendous couple in 30 years when I allow her to start dating. Good thing I have her husband picked out, so she won’t even need to date! 🙂

When we arrived home, the doggie couldn’t wait to throw the ball and play.

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Then as we went upstairs, I realized I needed to go back down and talk to my mom. As I did this, Tatum took it upon herself to go into her room, grab three books off her shelf and go into my room and read. Again…”coincidentally” she picked the ONLY three bible books she has. Weird. Just crazy amazing.

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 Tomorrow is Labor Day, and I shall celebrate this LABOR OF LOVE that God has bestowed upon me.

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Crashing the class

Panic-stricken. Yes, this was me at the start of this SAHM journey. What could we do all day every day?

This is when I looked at resources. They are out there, you just have to look. Little did I know how valuable they would be for Tatum’s development (and me as well as I learn how to teach her!)

It started with swimming when she was only 6 months old. I did not necessarily do this for her development, but more for us to bond and do something together. Since then we have continued. She has gained (besides swimming skills):
1. Listening to instructions (she may fight it, but then we have a lil chat on the side of the pool)

2. Being with other children and “playing nice”

3. Patience and waiting your turn.

4. Being silly and having fun.

We added Little Gym in the summer, but I decided to remove her from this, not only because it was costly, but because it was too unstructured, too large of a class, and parents did not enforce their children to be polite and listen to the instructor. It was terrible modeling for Tatum.

I now have added Musicology on Fridays. This class is terrific in that it is more intimate, structured and it teaches her rhythm, movement, and SHARING! Also, the mommies seem to model listening, following directions, and being polite. BONUS.

The rest of the week, I have now been trying to figure out what is best. The library is a little known FREE secret. Here is what we have tried:

1. Story Time: Excellent only if the parents would model for the kids to stay seated when the lady is reading.

2. Shake Rattle and Roll: Pure movement and fun. A bit of looseness that Tatum needs, and I don’t worry about the structure.

3. TODAY: we crashed the TODDLER TIME class (you have to be 24-36 months): This was excellent because the kiddos had to stay in their little letter square. Tatum had the “D” for “Dog” as I hoped it would keep her sitter sitting! I loved how strict the instructor was with the kids in staying put. The parents also modeled so well, and Tatum got to see that it was polite to pay attention and yet NOT GET UP.

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It worked for the most part, but then…IMG_5276

I had to reel her in. I think after coming a few times, she is going to learn this. More importantly, I am preparing her for her days in school. It’s a pure pleasure and HONOR to be in her life at this age. Had I known what I was missing, I would have done this earlier (although I don’t know how I could have!)

We will continue to hit the library with their FABULOUS preparatory,  FREE, and FUN classes.

Again, Thank you FATHER for allowing this time with my little TOT. We are bonding and she is growing into a lovely young girl (with a precious heart.)