Entering the Promised Land

As told in the Torah (or the first 5 books of the Bible (Old Testament)), the Israelites were preparing to go to the Promised Land. According to one commentary,

“As they travelled, God was with them. He looked after them. He provided food and drink for them. But the *Israelites complained about life in the *desert. They did not trust God. They did not obey God. So God punished them. They wandered in the *desert for nearly 40 years. All the adults who had left Egypt died in the *desert, except Joshua and Caleb.”

But HE PROMISED. So, what did he do? He gave it to their children. God always does what he has promised.

The concept of PROMISE is something which I am not used to understanding. We throw around that word likes it’s a frisbee and actually believe what we say at that very moment. “If you do this (fill in the blank) for me, I’ll be your best friend forever; I promise!” Remember saying this as a wee tot? Or maybe it was said to you just yesterday! I have been promised (and hooked my hope onto) many friendships, potential love relationships, product or services I have purchased, financial gain.. (the list is endless).
Naked Eyes (that one-hit wonder 80’s group) said it best, “Never had a doubt in the beginning; Never a doubt; Trusted you true in the beginning…You made me promises, promises..You knew you’d never keep; Promises, promises; Why do I believe?”…… Yet most of them fall through and without malicious intent, as opposed to Naked Eyes rendition. Many promises are made thinking they would be fulfilled. Life circumstances just get in the way, and we are let down and disappointed. In fact, I am sure I have broken promises, and this hurts even more because I know how it feels. We are all flawed human beings.

I am keenly aware of this topic because now that I am a mother, I need to watch every word I say. Not only to Tatum, but to everyone. Often a friend at church will say, “We need to get together sometime. Let’s have lunch!” Then I’ll say, “I’ll call you and we’ll get together.” A teeny promise made and made with all our heart! Yes…let’s get together soon and have lunch! Then what happens? Monday hits and the crazy week begins….and……. next thing you know, it’s a broken promise.

As I focus on my relationship with God, I am constantly…constantly reminded that HE never breaks a promise. He puts things on hold, perhaps, or He doesn’t fulfill what I THINK He should fulfill, but one thing I DO KNOW: He LOVES me, and that may hurt sometimes. That may feel like silence. That may feel like a redirection of MY plan. BUT, when I look back on all the things I have been through, I see HE DOES come through. The children of Israel saw the fulfillment of His promises; the generation preceding did not. They did not see the big picture and often we do not either.

Sometimes, I feel like that Israelite wandering in the desert feeling….well, deserted! The promises made to me were left in cyberspace, and I even feel a silence from my Heavenly Father. That is why I continue to go back to His Word to be reminded; I go back to the stories of the others who have preceded me. I go back to His faithfulness in absolutely everything. And then. And then…. I am at peace.

March 1, 2013March 2, 2013

My God; My Sherpa

This week, I realized how much I need a Sherpa (and thank God I have one!) What is a Sherpa? According to Wikipedia (if I may use such a source!)

“Sherpas are highly regarded as elite mountaineers and experts in their local terrain. They were immeasurably valuable to early explorers of the Himalayan region, serving as guides at the extreme altitudes of the peaks and passes in the region, particularly for expeditions to climb Mt. Everest…They are known for their hardiness, expertise, and experience at high altitudes.”

I headed back to work (just to help out the sub and work with the kids on some projects) this week with much excitement and yet trepidation. The iffy part had to do with two things: Leaving Tatum and having so very little mobility. The excitement of being around my kids and working with my colleagues made it all worth it. However, I did not have enough internal fortitude to keep it ALL together ALL of the time. Who does? Well, this is when I needed to have God as my Sherpa (ALL THE TIME).

My “terrain” becomes His terrain when I invite Him into my day. The minute my feet hit the floor, I invite HIM into my walk (no pun intended). “His grace is sufficient for me.” (2 Cor 12:9) I am going to make mistakes and fall flat on my face (literally!), but with Him guiding my every step (actually allowing him to do so), I can handle it. Peaks, valleys, passes, heights, depths…His love for me and the gratitude I CHOOSE to see in my life, makes each step doable. He has the expertise. He has the experience (through Christ). I depend on Him (my Sherpa). And gosh…I am so dependent, I admit fully. Until I relinquished full control and submitted to His will, I am doomed to my mistakes; my scars, my scabs. I still may get them (they are inevitable), but each one gives me a chance to fall forward into His arms, learning and growing each time.

So, it was a HARD week, but I know I grew and so did Tatum. “She has the sweetest temperament, the cutest laugh, and seems extremely comfortable.” Hearing these words made my heart sing. Also, having her light up when she sees me, brings joy to my world.

May she embrace the newness of her schedule. May I adapt to entering work (eventually!) with less mobility simultaneously being effective and yet positive. May I STOP and enjoy the moment; each and every moment.

February 28, 2013March 1, 2013

Letter to an Insecure, Incomplete Teenager

May I remember this for Tater! BE A FROG!

Desiring God Blog – Desiring God.

February 22, 2013February 22, 2013

TWO weeks down (and counting)

I think my dog misses me; I’m absolutely ZERO fun for him at this point.

The good news is that I am two weeks into this journey, AND I get my cast on Monday (3 days away). Bad news? Today was really hard. I wanted to have a “girl’s day” with my mom and go to lunch and Pottery Barn. The distance from my car to the front door was zero effort for a two-footed individual. For a gal on crutches? Man, it was miles. After Pottery Barn, we needed to head back to the car to repark for Cheesecake Factory. Ugh…repark. The amount of people at Kierland trumps the amount of spaces for cars. Don’t these people know that I can’t walk? By the time we reached the restaurant, my underarms were on fire. Forgive me, but why do they call it a “crutch pad?” Crutch pad…my foot! Forget new outfits, I need underarm cushions. Finally, we reached our destination, and I’m ready to eat!

News? What I have noticed is that my splint is loosening (perhaps due to swelling decreasing). When this happens, the splint moves about and rubs against my stitches. Since I cannot see inside my bandages, I just have to wonder what is occurring on the incision. It is not only bothersome, but painful. I’m definitely ready to go back home to my comfort zone. I am NOT ready for prime time quite yet.

Monday…come soon! I hear the cast is much more friendly.

February 21, 2013February 21, 2013

Feeling Fragile

Yesterday, I was inspired when reading a blog by John Piper. He is the author of one of my favorite books, Desiring God. He discussed how many mornings, he wakes up with the ominous feeling that something is wrong or something may go wrong. I resonate with this feeling in that I know I have to do some kind of battle that day, and I just don’t feel up to it. I need someone to have my back, yet I don’t have a line of bodyguards to protect me. Often though, the battle is not a physical one where bodyguards are needed but a spiritual one where my mind and thoughts are attacked. This in itself makes me feel fragile and a bit fearful.

Piper writes, “Instead of letting me sink into a paralysis of fear, or run to a mirage of greener grass, he has awakened a cry for help and then answered with a concrete promise.”
Scenario: You wake up and feel weak, lifeless and vulnerable. You don’t even know how or what to pray, you just know you need help. That is when you just say, “Help me Jesus…I’m feeling weak.”

What verse can be a comfort? “Jerusalem shall be inhabited as villages without walls, because of the multitude of people and livestock in it. And I will be to her a wall of fire all around, declares the Lord, and I will be the glory in her midst. (Zechariah 2:4–5)

How is this comforting? Piper notes that for that time, “There will be such prosperity and growth for the people of God that Jerusalem will not be able to be walled in any more. “The multitude of people and livestock” will be so many that Jerusalem will be like many villages spreading out across the land without walls.”

Walls are security however. They secure us from the enemy and give us borders. God is promising us to be not only a wall but that of fire! What protection that can that be from the arrows from the enemy. But, moreover, “and I will be the glory in her midst” assures us not only protection but the knowledge of HIS PRESENCE. He’s always with us and that is genuine security.

For Piper, this was his “deliverance.” I find this comforting as well, and will cry out to Him when I fear or fret. He IS there. He IS our protection. As Piper says, “We are fragile. But he is not.”

Source: http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/what-to-do-if-you-wake-up-feeling-fragile

February 19, 2013

Eating and Exercise

AAAH>>the 2 E’s! I cannot believe how hungry I have been since this injury. Ironically, I was exercising THREE times as much pre-ATI. To move just across the room takes so much more effort that I must be exerting so much energy, hence hunger! But, on the other hand, I’m sitting on my ‘arse’ THREE times more so it does not compute.

What am I doing to at least try to stay in some sort of shape? Upper body weights are helping. I’ll work on back, chest and biceps one day, and then the next day, I will do shoulders and triceps. I have to keep my core strong also because my back is getting so much more stress put upon it with all the awkward motions I must make with these darn sticks attached to my body! My lower body is not getting the workout it is used to, but I guess hopping around is helping. My left leg will be the only part of my body which will look ridiculous vs the rest of my body.

Swimming used to be my “drug of choice” for getting my heart rate up and my muscles worked. Now, it’s not an option, but I have discovered that once my incision is healed, I can begin. I won’t know how it is doing until they remove my splint. I receive my cast on Monday, the 25th of Feb for which I cannot wait.

I seem to be craving peanut butter lately. Man, I could easily down a jar of this creamy delight in one sitting. I just bought a jar of creamy vs crunchy and it is so much better. Also, the sugar and additives make it taste so much better! Forget nutrition when it comes to this stuff. Heck, if you are eating peanut butter, you might as well have the full monty.

MEAT. I also have been craving MEAT! Last night, I created the perfect burger. Take some ground beef and chopped onion and mold it into balls. Then add some A-1 Steak Sauce, salt and pepper, and fry it up! Dang..these were so delectable. I did use super lean beef so they fell apart quite easily, but they still melted in my mouth. Add some ketchup (low sugar), lettuce , tomato and more onion for a wrap, and you have yourself a tasty treat. Definitely healthy too, I might add.

What does this all have to do with ATR? Well, you have to learn to enjoy the little things in life when you are laid up. Making these burgers for my family made them happy as well as me.

Exercise became WAY too important, and so also I am trying to find the balance in this as well….. So, I am learning to appreciate the small things, balance the big things, and find the center in all of this.
None of this is possible without TONS of prayer and my relationship with God. He truly gives me the strength I need because seriously some days, I just want to throw up my hands and crawl in a hole. Then I look up and say HELP ME JESUS! Poof.. .”I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” (Phil 4:13)

February 18, 2013February 19, 2013

Blogs to blog about

In my laid-up/leg-up position, I’ve been made me keenly aware of the world of blogging. Not only that, but I’m just hungry for information, ideas, inspirations, ideals and interconnectedness: