SAHM I am – Page 34 – Hay Happens and Hay's Happen

August 24, 2014August 24, 2014

The puzzle helped me solve the puzzle

Whenever Tatum and I sit down to work a puzzle, she just tunes out. Her little fingers grab the peg, and she tries to place it correctly, but then she gives up. No interest.

Then, the other day, she wanted to open one of her real puzzles (which I was saving for when she was older). She wanted to open it, so we did (and I hesitated). I talked it out as I solved it, showing her I started with the corners then I looked for eyes and faces to complete. She kept saying, “eyes…eyes..” She loved it!

This coupled with her always choosing books as she points to faces, I realized…AHA! She is so visual and relatable. She seems to need to relate to something. I don’t know what is “normal” since I’m new at this, but seeing her love this puzzle as she looked for faces/eyes to complete it and seeing her LOVE books as she talks through them with her babble (while by herself), it became apparent to me her visual nature.

Whatever it means, it is fun to see her be excited about something on her own.

August 24, 2014August 24, 2014

Band-aids aid

Who would have thought that a bunch of band-aids could aid in keeping Tatum entertained and occupied during Pastor Terry’s sermon today?

As she carefully placed each one into my empty coffee cup, she shook them out and watched them fly. Then, it was pick-up band-aids one by one back in the cup. After that, I needed another idea, so I tore up the sticker pad into mini-confetti pieces and placed it in a plastic soap container.

This became another pouring activity. Anything Tatum can pour or place, she is gleeful.

Pastor Terry spoke about stewardship today, and how everything… I mean EVERYTHING we have been given is a gift and should be shared to the glory of God. This puts a whole new perspective on our “things.” Also, I can completely give my daughter over to Him, trusting that He is in control. I pour my heart and soul into her as a devotion to Him. This way, when it feels like work, I can be reminded she is a gift I hold dear and preciously take care.

At the end, we even committed to a promise that:
“Today I choose to embrace my position as manager over everything God has entrusted to my care; I will trust. I will obey. I will obey. I will steward all of the resources of my life to the glory of God.”

Simple. (but not easy)

But, with Tatum and the Holy Spirit present in my heart, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Those band-aids kept her happy, and they also aided in helping her mommy hear the message loud and clear.

August 23, 2014August 24, 2014

21

This is a picture of my life right now. The makeup (or lack thereof), hair, outfit (or lack thereof), or the desire to be even cognizant of it, has been exchanged for the constant adoration and involvement in Tatum’s life. The label I have donned for decades now of a hard-working professional has been replaced gloriously (for a season) by hard-working (and devoted) mommy. The positive changes I have seen in Tatum have far-outweighted any twinges of concern for my career which have been very difficult to relinquish. Why? My educator label has been my existence for over a decade, and I don’t apologize for this for it was my passion (and still is!)
But, for the past month, seeing Tatum grow as we grow together has been the most rewarding thing ever.

This particular week, WE got to experience rain together; and not just a few sprinkles…a STORM! As we walked outside, she spoke “wet” and “rain,” and now she truly gets it when we read about it. This experience would not have happened if I was at school because it was a Tuesday at 10am.

The relationship builds with pure time together. There is no secret to being a SAHM. I show up everyday with a positive attitude and a goal to create experiences for her which not only teach, entertain, but build a bond. Also, I can talk her through her breakdowns, her questions, her fears, falls, and foibles. She is also there for ME with my falls and foibles.

For example, on Wednesday, she helped me build a bookcase. As I screwed the screwdriver and hammered the hammer, she joined in with some of the bolts. It was endearing to see her grab a screw and try to help. She also took a rag to clean the floor as I did the same. At one point, the whole thing fell and partly on me! I yelled, “OW!” and she rushed over, “Mommy!” and hugged me. EMPATHY! at 20 months?

Yes, she goofs up and will lash out when she does not get what she wants, but my job is to teach her that it is OK to have emotions, but there are proper ways to express them. A learning process definitely. All I know is that when we come across something that is not something I would have her see or do, I can guide her through it with (hopefully) some wisdom.

In the meantime, she continues to be fascinated by any and every book

We now are becoming regulars at the local library. Gotta love FREE and QUIET! 🙂

August 17, 2014

Can a 20 month old be that powerful?

When it comes to overtaking my heart, Yes. When it comes to overtaking my heart as it breaks while she tests me, Yes. When it comes to overtaking my heart as it breaks as she CONTINUES to test me and I have to enforce tough discipline, Yes.

Why is it so hard? Because, my sweet compliant child all of a sudden transforms into an unrecognizable little _____. Then, I am faced with what do I do right now? Impulsively, I want to do something un-pretty and (maybe a bit) painful to her. My transformation becomes immediate as well. No longer am I the sweet silly mommy, but now, I turn into “THE ENFORCER.” The hard part is seeing her enjoy being a ____. This occurred after 4 timeouts upon not doing what I asked her to do and then throwing what I asked her not to throw. Eventually, she did what I asked and she, upon prompting, said she was sorry, and I gave her the biggest hug and kiss. Back to fun mommy. Over.

This scenario gave me ANOTHER reason why I’m so happy I’m with her more. It allows me to balance the fun with the necessary molding and shaping.

For example, this morning she had a blast taking babies for a ride in her shopping cart.

Then we went to church and PetSmart. She wanted to get Coti a toy, so she picked the Piggie

Very happy little guy after that, although the squeaker broke after about 30 squeaks, 15 minutes later. No wonder it was in the clearance box.

Whatever prompted the “occurrence de la testing” is unknown. She will continue to try to press her power buttons and find mine, but we will come through. With Jesus help! Amen.

August 15, 2014August 15, 2014

Daily, I praise His NAME

Thank you, dearest Jocelyn. She encouraged me to read this everyday as I stay home with Tatum. I bolded what resonates with my soul.

Psalm 145:

I will extol you, my God and King,

and bless your name forever and ever.

2 Every day I will bless you

and praise your name forever and ever.

3 Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised,

and his greatness is unsearchable.

4 One generation shall commend your works to another,

and shall declare your mighty acts.

5 On the glorious splendor of your majesty,

and on your wondrous works, I will meditate.

6 They shall speak of the might of your awesome deeds,

and I will declare your greatness.

7 They shall pour forth the fame of your abundant goodness

and shall sing aloud of your righteousness.

8 The Lord is gracious and merciful,

slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

9 The Lord is good to all,

and his mercy is over all that he has made.

10 All your works shall give thanks to you, O Lord,

and all your saints shall bless you!

11 They shall speak of the glory of your kingdom

and tell of your power,

12 to make known to the children of man your mighty deeds,

and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.

13 Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,

and your dominion endures throughout all generations.

[The Lord is faithful in all his words

and kind in all his works.]

14 The Lord upholds all who are falling

and raises up all who are bowed down.

15 The eyes of all look to you,

and you give them their food in due season.

16 You open your hand;

you satisfy the desire of every living thing.

17 The Lord is righteous in all his ways

and kind in all his works.

18 The Lord is near to all who call on him,

to all who call on him in truth.

19 He fulfills the desire of those who fear him;

he also hears their cry and saves them.

20 The Lord preserves all who love him,

but all the wicked he will destroy.

21 My mouth will speak the praise of the Lord,

and let all flesh bless his holy name forever and ever.

August 15, 2014August 15, 2014

Coming to conclusions. Day by day; minute by minute

It was all hearsay. It was written about by countless authors. It’s been researched and discussed for years. And, it dates back to the beginning of time: Rearing children. All of a sudden, it’s become the topic of countless books and millions of blogs. What has changed? Have children become different in the past 30 years? Has parenting become any different than it was thousands years ago? All I know is there are more books on how to solve this or that and surviving motherhood. What has changed? I did not realize that motherhood was something to be “survived” and that there may potentially be so many issues to solve.

The only thing that I can see that has changed is one thing. We don’t parent any longer, and I am part of that statistic for the first year of Tatum’s life. Sure, I did the best I could do, but she was away from me more than she was with me due to my need to earn a living. It’s a necessity, and I am not diminishing this truism.

So, now I can come out with it wholeheartedly. Day care parented my child from 4 months to 16 months of life. When I decided to come home full time for this year, I never realized how much more work parenting really is if I am to truly guide her into a responsible, loving, Godly woman. But, one thing is for sure. Children need their parents full time AT LEAST until the age of 3.

Realizing the importance of making the right decision becomes more apparent daily. Here is one case in point:

Tatum is enrolled in a Musicology class (which I was given as a wonderful gift). We attend this lively 45-minute music, dance, and rhythm class every Friday with about 5-6 other mom or nanny/kid combos. For the most part, the children are well-behaved because they are being parented by their mom and being guided by the instructor. Nevertheless, there seems to be always one in the group who proves that not all parents are equal. (I realize not all children are either, but the discipline still has to exist).

As we sat around the two large central drums “to wake them up,” one of the almost two-ers decided to sit and then stand on them. Upon countless pseudo-warnings from mom (“Do you want a time out?”), the child won and did not have to get off the drum. Mom gave up. Then she proceeded to do her own thing the whole time in class including throwing her toy and having a bit of a crying fit when her way was not accepted. It was obvious who was in charge. Now, my point in sharing this is not to condemn or criticize. It’s only to point out to me that this could be Tatum if I did not have the time to pour into her right now. She demonstrated the kind of behavior that was NOT OK, and I had the chance to SHOW Tatum what was not acceptable. If she was not with me, she’d have to figure this out herself or at least she’d try it out on me in our mini “quality time” sessions which I discuss in “If it were a normal year” post.

Next, during the circle time singing, Tatum wandered off to the corner (which she seems to do often). I did not know this was a normal Tatum thing, but apparently she does this when she is overstimulated or needing a break. She probably did this many times at day care, and now hopefully I can help her through the fears or the apprehension (or the belligerence?) I still did have to take her out a few times and tell her that I expect her to be part of the group and not wander off. “We need to show respect to the instructor or we cannot be part of the class.” She got it, testing me a few more times. Whatever the result, I’m there to guide her, not day care person. Many of the kids needed to be taken out and “talked to,” and unfortunately only one other mother did this. It helped immensely for her LO as well. When a mother warns countless times and does nothing except give another warning, the kid ultimately wins.

Finally, when the children were in the “discovery” mode picking out various instruments from the overly large plastic bin, Tatum was overpowered by many of the other kids her age but much larger than her. During this time, many of the moms tune out and socialize. What I’m noticing is horrific! Kids are whacking each other with their drumstick/rattle/bell/frog, stealing from each other, taking over someone’s space… YIKES! I’m watching Tatum acquiesce and decide she does not need an instrument. NOT OK. I decide I will try to navigate all these kids and introduce sharing and caring behavior. Tatum finally got to play with some. Being a helicopter parent is not my plan, but at least I know I can start her on the right foot with sticking up for herself politely. This showed me even more that at daycare it was probably worse. How often did the day care provider have her back turned when Tatum was poked, prodded or pounced upon?

Each day I discover more and more how much FUN she is to be with and how much more we have to look forward to doing together. Often just being together has been enough. SURE, she has her meltdowns and her testing times, but it’s different now. I know it can be over and done with and we have the next moment to enjoy.

Day by day. Minute by minute.

Thank you, Father for this opportunity and making it possible this year. Day by day. Minute by minute I am coming to conclusions I already had made. Now the theory is turning into reality.

August 15, 2014August 15, 2014