Category: SAHM I am

When is that? The minute I walk into my room for the evening, I feel like I’m hitting the classroom. My safe haven…my learning time…my soaking it all in time.

First, I always take a piece of dark chocolate with me and then I lay in my bed with my Bible devotion. This is the beginning of “soak-it-all-in” time. What does HE say? Encouragement and Reflection. Take a bite. Now, what book will it be tonight?

I happened to spread all of the parenting books on the floor tonight to just review how much I have really “studied.” The beauty about “soak-it-all-in” time is that you can soak it in, but you can also squeeze the unneeded or unwanted out. Ok..take a bite.

I have my favorites. In fact, in each book, I have many pearls which I have saved, used, failed at, and tried again. The key is to keep trying new things. There is nothing new under the sun; only new approaches to common problems/challenges. 

Currently, I’m reading THE PASSIONATE MOM but Susan Merrill. So far so good. Take another bite.

These books are like dark chocolate. They are rich, sometimes too sweet, necessary and can give you a tummy ache if you over-indulge. Advice can only go so far. Every child is different, and if I try something and it does not work, it does not mean I failed; it just means I need a different approach. (also, if I do fail, I try again tomorrow with a positive attitude, lots of grace and prayer).

I love this time of night. Time to soak it in and pray for wisdom….

And the dark chocolate doesn’t hurt. 🙂

Today, I had a hair appointment with my dear friend Kristen. She is truly a magician with scissors although I never style my hair as the cut would demand! Tatum ended up coming with me, and I thought she could just sit and watch me. (ha?..perhaps??)

It ended up that she did watch me, but….. While Kristen shampooed me, she sat on my lap, and then while I was being scissored, she sat facing me. Well, sat is a bit of an exaggeration. She sat then wanted down. Then wanted up then down. Eventually, I had her find me a train in the Travel Magazine which lasted a good 3 minutes. No train. But many card stock inserts for her to pull out.

Finally, I asked Kristen about when to cut Tot’s hair. She mentioned that she could just trim up the random long hairs and straighten it up a bit. For $5? Sure! Would Tot sit still and be brave? Of course!
The key, I suppose, was watching me do it first; she does love to watch me do my hair, and loves to pretend to do hers. The first cut! WOW!!

Thankful for a non-wiggler when scissors are near!:-)

 

Back to her old self today, Tatum was adorable as ever.

Her little ruffle butt wanted to climb and get taller. This is her goal in life! She hangs off anything to stretch her body, lengthening it as much as possible.

Today, raining cats and dogs, we had to head to Kelly’s house for tutoring. This means that Tatum has to be occupied with some kind of fun. The trains did not interest her as much as playing itty bitty  dollhouse. This dollhouse furniture had the opposite effect in that she wanted to be smaller and sit in the itty bitty chairs.

 

She served Mr. Bunny and shared the tea with no hesitation.

What I am enjoying about Tatum is her zest for life. Everything excites her, and her energy to learn and grow (literally and figuratively) is infectious. It is not possible to be sad around her because she just makes you laugh.

As usual, not wanting to go to bed, she says, “Run two times?” This means we have to run around the top floor of the house twice around, and then it is bed time. The last lap becomes a sightseeing tour. We stop at ever destination to discover fuzz, something on a table that needs to be straightened, a mini ladder that needs to be climbed, a doggie toy in the way. I outsmart her, and have her turn out the lights. This becomes an on-off clicking game. Her creativity to keep herself up will only become more brilliant, I am sure. I’m on to her as she says, “more rock, mommy?” but, yikes…how do I say no to that?!

 

 

 

Yesterday, while Coti went to the “spa” to get fluffed and nuttered, Tatum and I went on a play date with her two boyfriends, Robert and Nicholas.

It was just what the Dr. ordered for me, because sometimes, you just need some girlie time! Jennie,  Elizabeth, and I shared about mommy foibles, 2-year old “stuff”, school ideas? essential oils being essential, and how to get unplugged (literally). I also got convinced that perhaps 30 minutes or so of structured TV time would not kill Tatum. “Daniel Tiger” (the current Mr. Rogers) and “Thomas and Friends” may fit in somewhere into her day. Still on the fence, but at two, I think a BALANCE is what I am striving for.

Elizabeth gifted Tot with some cleaning supplies since Nicholas had used them to full capacity. Actually, Elizabeth was DONE with a singing vacuum.
SO..she came home and did some housework. The singing vacuum did not bother me because it kept Tot engaged for more than 10 seconds. I then caved, and we did watch Daniel Tiger and learned about problem solving on your own instead of constantly asking for help.

Being around other moms sure helps me because I can first, not feel so alone when I wonder why Tatum may be challenging me now more often, and second, I can discuss what is/is  not working and get ideas. Playdates are more for the mommies!

 

Mothering is like farming. You plant seeds, water, fertilize and then wait. Ideally, you see flowers along the journey to the ultimate crop of bright colorful vegetables, but sometimes it just feels, well, like you are running out of water. The enjoyment of being around Tatum trumps anything I may be missing out on, but the sheer fact that she is testing the boundaries keeps me on my toes. It also challenges my emotions because if you are not careful, you can take it personally!

Knowing it may have been too cold, and Tatum was a bit tired, I still decided to take her to the train park after her nap. The whole time, she kept me on my toes with running another way, not following directions, and just plain whining and complaining. What made it worse was that I was not planning on taking her on the choo-choo, but to my surprise, I found $10 in my fleece pullover which I had not worn in two years. Love when that happens! So, I said she could pick between that and the up and down. The up and down was more suited to the theme of this park experience, but she chose the choo-choo. Sadly she did not want me to touch or hold her the whole time. Then when we got off, she whined about leaving even though I had told her that we were headed home.

That evening, she had her dinner, we read a few books with more struggle and then when I put her down, it all came apparent to what was going on. She was EXHAUSTED. This was no excuse, but it definitely made me realize how ornery we can be when we are so tired. She will continue to learn that kindness still must be pursued no matter how you feel.

Modeling kindness can come in many forms; and this season, we are doing BLESSING BAGS. Perhaps Tatum can sense that the world is not only about her needs being met immediately. My Mimi Blossom cookies fill the bags, and we take a couple with us every day. Then, when prompted by HIS VOICE to just give one away to someone, we do, spontaneously.

Tis the season to understand that we are KIND, no matter what.

 

Just another Thursday….Really. For me, Thanksgiving is a daily practice. The only difference was some delicious food with my amazing family, actually doing my hair with a hairdryer and hairspray, and putting Tatum in the cutest doggie dress of all time.

Whenever we walk in the Kramer’s house, Nyla (Lala) greets us with a huge smile. Her ability to teach Tot the fist pump with flair amazes me.

She immediately noticed Thomas, James, and Henry all set up, yet something else green (besides atrain) had her eye .

 

Limes look so inviting. Until you take a bite out of it expecting an orange. 

Kelly and James (and Barbara) made the best TWO turkeys, gravy ever. I could put gravy on my shoe and I’d probably eat it. The rest of the dinner was thanks to Morgy and Nyla (our next Iron Chef at 12)

Kelly showed us her new schwanky bracelet from her adorable hubby and Levi crashed on the couch due to riding 100 miles on his bike (on purpose.)

While we waited for dinner, Tot discovered Kelly’s green platforms. I’m grateful for her not hitting her head. She could have put an eye out. 

 

Dinner. Mmmmmmmmmmmm

Then it was time for Tatum to discover “baby’s” bed and instead of putting them to bed, she put herself to bed. 
Delicious, Delightful, De-Lovely. What a glorious day. 
Thankful. 

 

 

 

My home is my classroom; and that is how I feel raising Tatum. I pour through books, I read countless articles, I ask a bazillion questions, and I pray. A bunch. (asking for wisdom and patience!) I attack parenting like I did/do teaching, and that is to soak it all in, learning as much as I can along the way.

In my never-ending quest of perfection (ha), I picked up a new book, Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes in You and Your Kids by Turansky and Miller. This will be a  keeper. Why? Because it has helped me develop something I want to instill into Tatum (which will go on her wall!) This magic word is not new, and especially not to our Father:

H O N O R

Honor is: Treating people as special,

doing more that what’s expected,

and having a good attitude

(They give a visual of this: We all wish we could receive a gift, but instead we sometimes receive hurtful words. It’s like receiving dirt.) (11)
I have always discuss the value of respect, but I’m changing that now. Not because respect is not important; I’m just stepping it up a notch. This is why:

Respect acknowledge’s a person’s position; honor attaches worth to that person as an individual

Respect teaches manners and proper behavior in the presence of others; honor teaches an appreciation of that person

Respect can become a technique to make a family look good on the outside; honor builds the hidden bonds that provide strength and lasting unity (19)

When I “discipline” Tatum, my goal is to help her not only act correctly but to have a heart attitude of love. This means I have to guide her in her thinking. This is how God made her to be. “Honor addresses what is going on below the surface and considers a child’s heart.” (23) This means that as they say:
“Honor requires us to ask different questions about life.” This means acting and talking that pleases others (no matter if they are present or not). My job is to help her catch that vision of honor so she wants to please others. Moreover, that she not only does what is expected, but does a bit extra. They give an example of a boy who helped a family mow the lawn. Without asking he swept the driveway as just a kind bonus. This caught on in the neighborhood and soon he was flooded with work requests!

Attitude is everything. As cliche as this is, it’s true. When Tatum is just obedient, she is just acting the part. When she is honoring, she is acting WITH an attitude that goes with the actions. If and when she does do something that is unkind, I become VERY sad. She sees my reaction and starts to realize this is not the way to happiness and success for her. Making others and God sad can evoke a better way to do what she has done wrong.

As adults, we have old tapes playing in our heads from when we were children. Hopefully they are positive; For many they may be, “Big boys don’t cry…carrots will make your hair grow…” Some tapes are helpful and some are destructive. If I can be simple in my reactions to Tatum when she does something dishonoring, then perhaps those can be memorable. For example: She says “NO!” I respond: “That was unkind.” She does something mean to Coti, I can say, “That wasn’t very loving.” As the author’s say, “Over time they create a recording in the child’s head.” (101)

I continue to reflect and refine as I teach her in the way she should go. The CORE VALUE wall is on the make in my head. More to come 🙂