Old Commandment Never Old

Reading today in 1John, it is assumed that we know the “old” commandment. “Beloved, I am writing you no new commandment, but an old commandment that you had from the beginning. The old commandment is the word that you have heard.” (1John 2:7). Before I can even move on to the next statement, I am distressed that I take this so lightly. If this is something that we have heard from the beginning, to love God and others, shouldn’t it be something we have mastered?

There is no cause for any “stumbling” or issue if I love my “brother.” Sure…no problem; Just love others and it will be a lighted path.

 

I pray for the ease of this commandment. No others are needed if I love God and others. That supersedes and abolishes the LAW because if this is the case, then the other commandments are satisfied.

 

Simple? Yes. Easy? No.

 

Renew Your Mind

Transform; Renew

I finished my drawing! “Renew Your Mind”

 

Driven

Worth

Busy

Control

 

Apparently when talking to a friend, I used these words most often.

I’m seeing a theme!

This summer, it’s time to “settle my brain” and get back to the basics. This means, my bible, my journal, and THE BIG GUY. (Well, and my little guy, Coti)

 

She recommended I draw through my journal. I found this image and it struck me as symbolic of how I’d like my mind to be; full of seeds, buds, blossoms, and fully bloomed flowers. This all takes TIME and germination.

Here are the verses I’m focusing on:

 

Proverbs 29:11

A fool utters all his mind: but a wise man keeps it in till afterwards

Proverbs 16:3

Commit your works unto the Lord and your thoughts will be established.

Isaiah 26:3

You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you: because he trusts in you.

Mark 12:30

And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength:  this is the first commandment.

Romans 12:2

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable and perfect will of God.

Romans 12:16

Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.

II Corinthians 10:5

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.

Philippians 2:4-6 

4Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.

5Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:

6Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God:

Philippians 4:6-8

Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God

And the peace of God which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and mind through Christ Jesus.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

I Peter 1:13

Wherefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and hope to the end for the grace that is to be brought unto you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

II Peter 3:1b-2

1b Stir up your pure minds by way of remembrance:

2. That you may be mindful of the words which were spoken before by the holy prophets, and of the commandment of us the apostles of the Lord and Saviour.

James 1:8

A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.

 

Marrying the Narrative with the Formal Essay

 

Marrying the Narrative with the Formal Essay

I should be a music teacher. In one second flat, I can get EVERY single student in my class to make a harmonious “AAAH” sound with perfect pitch and tone. As an ELA middle school teacher, and understanding the stress of teaching students to write, I always get the whining when I introduce the formal “essays.” What is it about a prescribed writing piece that has students running for the cozy comfort of a story? Students’ desires have waned when they arrive to my classroom. The structured writing models coupled with the robotic sounding paragraph has creativity going out the window. By 7th grade, students seem to put aside their imaginative hats, bury their interests and sadly have less desire to read and and writing.

The Core Standards have non-fiction writing and structured essays outnumbering the experiential narratives by 8th grade and are almost non-existent by 12th. Does this have to be the case?

Writing

Grade To Persuade To Explain To Convey Experience
4 30% 35% 35%
8 35% 35% 30%
12 40% 40% 20%

Source: Common Core State Standards for English Language Arts & Literacy in History/Social Studies, Science, and Technical Subjects

 

Perhaps the “experience” needs to be included in each genre of writing. If “70% of what we learn is through stories” and that “storytelling is essential for innovation“ (according to Professor Fels from One Thousand & One; Organizational storytelling in Australia), then we need to re-think HOW we are teaching the informational formal writing piece. We think in pictures; we don’t process things as well when they are theoretical. Marrying the narrative experience with expository or nonfiction writing captures the data and allows for better retention.

When thinking about my favorite books, they tend to be non-fiction. Authors like Malcolm Gladwell or Daniel Pink are creative research writers who dispel information disguised in narrative form. One can argue teaching the expository text with an introduction, body, and conclusion CAN be taught using stories as their main support. Make a point: Tell a story; Make a point: Tell more story. Students can get this.

One of the first “essays” I introduce to my 7th graders is a persuasive “essay” letter for which they write to a potential investor. This integrated invention project’s purpose is to improve students’ research and persuasive writing skills, as well as prepare them to be critical, innovative thinkers. First of all, they create a product which would be financially or ecologically sustainable. For example, one student created a virtual organizer whereas another made a rooftop water collection device to help with the water supply in countries where a steady water supply is scarce. One student also created a table for easy access for people in wheelchairs. Next, they research a company who may be a potential investor in their product. With the use of their persuasive writing skills and their knowledge of propaganda techniques, they write a letter seeking funding while persuading the company about their worthwhile product. Finally, they present their product and read their letter at a “Celebration of Innovation” gathering. Each audience member is given a ballot, and they rate each student on passion, persuasion, poise, and product sustainability. They start the process in Science, and by the time they come to me, they find out they’ll now be writing.

When they discover they’ll be writing a structured paragraph persuasive letter, their brains turn off and they become inanimate objects. Yes, the extinction of the 5-paragraph essay may be looming, but I’m old school in them still knowing the structure of making their point and then support it with reason. Students NEED to have this formal training to help them clarify their thinking and form cogent arguments. The “structure” of 5 paragraphs lays a foundation as does knowing the alphabet helps one learn how to read. They will have a thesis and make points, but how will their data be humanized? How will they bring it to life? This is where the narrative piece comes in. The body of this paper will be filled with paragraphs, but each paragraph needs support. What kind of support could there be? How can they capture stories in their data? The best stories are rooted in the heart of the research, from beginning to end.

I have to debunk the myths in their heads about starting at the beginning of this “essay.” I provide the students with a graphic organizer called an OREO (see Figure 1), and we fill out the THESIS first. I change the name of this to the OPINION statement. (or the “O” in OREO) (This will transform into a paragraph or their introduction, but I tell them we’ll do that at the end.) The opinion statement must be visual because this is how our brains process since we never read for raw information. There has to be a direction and purpose. We call it a thesis, but maybe when teaching the thesis statement, we need to humanize the “problem or situation” which needs  examination….something that matters….something that calls for writing.

Which thesis statement allows for ease of reading and seeing?:

“Sing-Can is a powerful garbage can that is happy when things get thrown in it.”

“Sing-Can belts out melodic tunes when one tosses his/her trash.”

The second statement has a human component and an object. It’s the classic, Subject-Action Verb-Direct Object statement, and this structure seems more comfortable for our brains to comprehend.

Next, the students fill out their “R’s” or three reasons why this is the best product. These could be called their topic sentences, but I change the name so as to not make them feel like this is a formal piece. After they do this, they focus on ONE reason. This one reason needs Explanation and Examples (The “E’s) Finally, the story part! A lawyer cannot stand in front of a jury and make a statement letting it hang. He needs to elicit emotion from the reader or audience. How can this be done? Tell a story!? Make the reason have legs. Propaganda techniques like statistics, testimonies, and bandwagon have to have a subplot undergirding the reason. So, then can now have a character and a small story to support their reason. This topic sentence of reason can be: “Sing-Can rids the earth of 30% more trash than regular trash cans. The examples and explanation needs to be a story to humanize this number. Students can spend time on this paragraph in turn enjoying the “essay” process. Once the backbone of the OREO is set up, it is up to them to spruce it up with stories to support.

Finally, the students repeat their “O” in the last paragraph and sum it up. Now they can add the bells and whistles like the Grabber (or first sentence of their Introduction) to sit on top of the Thesis or Opinion statement.

The paper writes itself, and the students stand in awe of the size of their “5 paragraph” essay which is filled with story.

Students never run out of stories. This is why I have students journal through the year with all their slices of life; they capture bits of life which can be used later for information or research. This is true support for a “research” or expository they shall write. We are marrying the two together providing us a thesis and three main points but a subplot undergirding the whole paper including characters and a directional theme.

The “experience” needs to be in each genre of writing. If our brain thinks in pictures we need to teach to the students in stories having them write in kind. Marrying the narrative with expository or nonfiction writing allows the students the resurrect their creativity and provide data which makes the reader not only retain the piece but enjoy it as well.

Works Cited:

One Thousand and One Organisational Storytelling. July 2012.

http://www.onethousandandone.com.au/tag/story/

 

OREO

Dad’s Instruction Book

Dad’s Little Instruction Book on Life (AKA Golf)

As I have been chatting with women in golf as of late, I have found that Dads are full of it….wisdom that is. I also realized they all encouraged their daughters to get out there and play life’s hardest sport. These women shared some of the other wonderful pieces of advice they learned from their fathers. The following are 10 Life Instructions from Dads. Best of all, these little “instructions” can be learned on the golf course. Thanks, Dad!

If it were easy, everybody would do it. Think about it. A hundred and forty-four people play in the tournament, and a hundred and forty-three of them are not going to win. Ouch. The game chews you up, spits you out, and tramples all over you. There are only a few who can get back up over and over again after being pummeled by that little white ball. It’s those “Weebley” people who continually get knocked down and pop back up who are the winners.

Watch a sunrise at least once a year.

What idiot gets up at the crack of 0’dark thirty and tees it up? A golfer does.
And they get the beauty of seeing every beautiful sunrise. Who’s the idiot now?

Treat everyone you meet as you want to be treated.

Have you ever realized that the etiquette golfers show to one another on the course is one
of the things that distinguishes golf from all other sports? Golf etiquette
is an extremely important part of the game. Your manners and character (or the lack thereof) that you display on the course will say more about you as a golfer and a person than anything you ever do with your clubs. Proper etiquette applies to everyone and does not discriminate.

Make new friends but cherish the old ones.

Golf is truly a game unlike any other, from the diverse and unique people that you meet, to the memo- rable moments that you have out on the course. Sue Wieger, a local golf pro, says that, “Golf has given me so many gifts in my lifetime; travel, great friends on and off the golf course and a sense of connecting with my authentic self while playing.”

Don’t waste time learning the “tricks of the trade.” Instead, learn the trade.

Are you one of those people who try to find the secret to playing better golf? Good news, you can stop looking. Bad news, you just have to play. That’s the secret.

Be brave and keep your cool.

Even if you’re not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference. Even the best PGA Tour players lose their cool, but losing your cool can cost you big-time. One of the most difficult aspects of life…I mean the game of golf…. is main- taining a calm, steady and persistent demeanor. For those who really know the dynamics of a powerful swing, maintaining a relaxed body and mind is what good golf is really all about.

Never cheat.

Right now you are thinking…. of course, I would NEVER cheat. I have one word for you: Mulligan. Now, there is a difference between cheating and bending the rules. In golf, there are RULES and then there are rules to be bent. So you take a first-tee mulligan…big deal. Maybe on one hole you don’t feel like trudging back to the tee to hit another. Instead, you take a stroke and drop a ball as if you were in some kind of water hazard. Again, no big deal. And perhaps you lip-out and pick-up, rather than tapping your last putt in – I wouldn’t mind; this isn’t the pros! So, if you ARE one of those rulebook holy rollers, then A: You are a professional or B: You need a life. Have some fun, but know the difference be- tween cheating and bending the rules.

Never take action when you’re angry.

Be angry, yet do not play golf. OR, sign up for anger management by taking solo golf lessons. Golfing will reveal IF you even have any anger issues; trust me! No one is able to avoid poor shots, BUT, you can control the reaction. Is this not true for life also? Make an effort to take in the scenery, converse with your playing partners, enjoy the outdoors, anything that enables you to not take your score so seriously. Maybe this will be the antidote for dealing with your issues altogether!

Stay humble.

To say “golf is hard” is like saying “the sky is blue” or “the world is round.” It’s self-evident. My dad would always say this about life as well, and he would never let me forget the point. But he wanted me to under- stand golf (like life) is something that NEVER gets perfected. The moment you think you have golf/life whipped, the game/life slaps you down and humbles you. Be secure and confident in yourself, stay grateful, and when you least expect it, you’ll shoot farther and straighter then you ever have.

AND FINALLY……

Laugh…..A LOT.

Golf really is hilarious. It is guaranteed that you will feel something when you play golf. Follow me here: Logically, the majority of your emotions (which golf WILL produce) are processed by the hypothalamus, the region in your brain that handles a range of functions from breathing and to hunger and emotional response. After hitting that not so perfect shot, you can either cry or laugh, right? Try to find the humor in your situation. In golf, if you can laugh the shot off you will immediately release the tension and start to feel better.

What Is SOUL CARE?

What Is SOUL CARE?

Transformation of the soul is what we’re all after
o    God intends it for ALL of us
o    involves the whole person
o    Involves self denial (Matt 16)
o    Must have a desire to change and be open to it
o    Need plenty of courage
o    Need a community to surround you

OBVIOUSLY
We must get to know God
“What comes to our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about you.” Tozier

What is Christian Spirituality ?

1.    Set of beliefs: doctrine/creed
2.    Leads to set of values (emotion)
3.    Leads to way of life (behavior)
A Christian life is the ultimate result

We must have “Apprehension”
o    To deepen our relationship with God, we must deepen our knowledge of God and His attributes.
o    Relational intimacy presupposes intimate knowledge.
o    Spiritual victory over sin is always related to our knowledge of GOD

“Appreciation”
o    The degree that we understand God will determine how we appreciate God. We must have LOVE and AWE
o    (Eph 1:3-14)
o    (Heb 12:28-29)
o    (1 Pet 1:17)

Then “Approaching GOD”
(We must do this and it’s up to us)
o    We have a promise of a personal relationship
o    We have a promise of the savior
o    There are different paths (Spiritual disciplines)
o    We must abide (John 15= crux)

o    Therefore w/o knowledge of self, there is now awareness of Go

THEREFORE WE NEED TO CARE FOR OUR SOULS AND ENCOUNTER OURSELVES:

What is the purpose of Soul Care? (Gal 4:19)
o    process of being conformed to the image by the HS for the sake of others. Heaven is not the goal but the destination. Christ formed in you is the goal (Gal 4:19)

What is our part?
o    Our cooperation through the spiritual disciplines
o    Phil 1:6 (will complete work in us)
o    Phil 2:12 (we must be active)
o    1 Tim 4:7-8 train self (gumnazo = gym): Train like Jesus..don’t try, train.

What is the goal of soul care?
•    First, understand what the soul is:
What is the meaning of “soul?” (nepesh)
o    Assertion of “wholeness” or totality of being human
o    Nephesh is a metaphor for the neck which connects the head (intelligence); it holds us together. Without soul we are a jumble of disconnected parts
o    Genesis 2: if God’s breath was gone, human beings are gone (P.

•    We must form Christ in us; not to just “feel better”

Jesus says:
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to Me.
Get away with Me and you’ll recover your life
I’ll show you how to take a real rest
Walk with Me and work with me-watch how I do it.
Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.
I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.
Keep company with Me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

2 core elements
♣    encountering self
♣    encountering God

Understand Self
♣identity formation

“Be self aware not self absorbed”
Being vs. Doiing:

Key to start being “spiritual”: Now view your identity from a biblical sense

Our most life changing choice is to begin to live out of the reality of our new ID in Christ (remember our goal is to be conformed into the image of Christ)
Here are the order of events: 
We are:
Formed
Deformed
Reformed
Transformed
Conformed

♣understand personality/ temperment

♣One cannot be fruitful if he/she neglects the source.

Role of scripture KEY
Self examination KEY

But need:

Spiritual Friendships
Centering prayer
Solitude
Simplicity

Make sure you are staying balanced in these four areas. I need to stay reminded of this   constantly! God Bless You

Thoughts on Friendship

What can explain this growth of BLOGGING? Perhaps people are hungry for intimacy and connection. What has happened to real friendship?

Here are some of my thoughts:

 

  1. CS Lewis and JRR Tolkein used to seek each other out to debate. They had an incredible friendship and were not afraid of disagreement. In fact, they spent countless hours discussing things and become closer as friends. What happened to this?

 

  1. The idea of friendship is exemplified in David and Jonathan, yet they were NOT gay. Men need friends. Do they have them without being labeled homosexual?

 

  1. Women cannot be friends if they disagree. It seems to tear them apart. They take it personally. What happened to working things out? What about the Proverbs version of a friend. “A friend loves at all times.” (Prov 17:17)
    1. We don’t take the time to nurture a friendship and especially after a disagreement. Now it is too easy to walk away because the time was not built on the onset. Back in time, people spent time together. They had to work it out because they had nowhere else to go. Sitting around the table, discussing, disagreeing, debating, sharing..this was all part of daily life. Now, we have email to help us run from confrontation. We have voicemail and cell phones to screen calls and avoid talking to the person. We have little need to have a conversation because we have so many electronic devices to keep our mind occupied. We also have no direct contact with people in places of business also. Hence, how can one ever LEARN to healthily debate, let alone have a CONVERSATION?
  2. Also, people need people. We don’t really do much conversing now, and so therefore look at the mental health of the society. It is filled with anger problems, depression, stress, anxiety, sleep disorders… I think all this stems from a lack of intimacy with people: Friendships.

 

  1. If people get too close who are the same sex, they become fearful. What does it mean to have a TRUE FRIEND? Is there confrontation, accountability, challenge, and disagreements involved? This needs to occur and be worked out. It is what truly brings people closer.
    1. Joseph McCarthy attacked people because if they did not agree with all of AMERICAN ways, they were therefore a “Communist.” Edward R. Murrow suggested that discord and disagreement does not mean DISOWNERSHIP. This healthy debate led to the freedoms we have today. Why don’t we treat friendship the same way?
    2. In terms of same sex: Friendship has to occur before any kind of intimacy can. How can two people create a bond if they don’t allow challenge? Conflict resolution is vital to a friendship, or it is not such.

 

  1. Our society has an overabundance of electronic stimulation: Everywhere we go we are bombarded by screens or noise. If there is silence, there is a discomfort. Kids say, “I am bored,” because they have nothing to entertain them. What happened to good ol’ fashion conversation? Or perhaps reading a book? An intimate friendship or stimulating discussion soothes the soul and sates the fear of isolation. People don’t even know they are hurting anymore. Unfortunately, what I am witnessing is children growing up relating to screens and video people. They have no “give and take” exchanges. Communication needs to be developed. It does not come naturally. It is a TWO-WAY street: Listening and responding properly.

 

  1. Studies have been done and have shown that people get more out of reading a book than working on “worksheets.” What does this say about interaction with stories and lives? This says that people are yearning for connection/relationship.

 

  1. “Rules without relationship leads to rebellion” People are yearning to be in relationship. Why should they follow the pack and be “obedient” if they have no motive to do so. A sense of morality is missing because LOVE is not exemplified in our daily lives. As an educator, I strive to relate to each student and exhibit LOVE, be it tough or graceful. IF this is not my philosophy, nothing else I do will be heard or learned and what good is it?

 

  1. Thomas Friedman wrote in THE WORLD IS FLAT: “People are wired to want to connect with other people and they find it objectionable not to be able to do so. That is what Netscape unlocked.” (p. 63) Flattening is occurring because of there is a hunger for RELATIONSHIPS and DEEP NEEDS FOR CONNECTION.

 

  1. Teachers may be the only ones left who can provide a role model for learning to communicate and develop friendships. I strive to interact with each student as a human being. This means LISTENING to them and responding. Cooperative Learning in the classroom also teaches them these skills. Conflicts arise, but they must deal with them because they are to work with the same team throughout the quarter.

 

 

Thoughts on Happiness

Thoughts on Happiness

 

Have you ever struggled with how to be happy? Who hasn’t? It’s one of the deepest pursuits of life. I seem to find I obtain happiness through constantly striving to be and do more. When I consider this struggle, I think I am misguided. I feel like the “struggle” should be more about the feelings I attain through my day which occur through my tasks and interactions. I have often believed that I have to have a purpose to be happy. We all do. However, living a purposeful life and making meaning out of each hour of the day requires constructive (as opposed to destructive thoughts) which leads to our happiness on this earth. Since thoughts originate from feelings, it is imperative to look at what we do with the feelings which come and go through the day. If we have the contentment, joy, and happiness (which I feel to be synonymous), we will live more giving lives which what Jesus asks us to do in Matthew 28: 19 and that is to make disciples and build His kingdom. Isn’t being happy, then, a principled obligation to our fellow man?

 

So with this said, I would like to look at some lessons I have learned about the whole “Happiness” concept.  It is important to differentiate between what is happiness and what is pleasure. Happiness is like love. It cannot be defined in a dictionary. Pleasure can be, however. Pleasure is short term, spikes of excitement which can come and go throughout the day. Many people seek pleasure only to find that it is futile and short-lived. In fact, many become addicted to the “feeling.” If we are guided by our “feelings” then  we are in for major disappointment since feelings change as fast as the moment of the day. It has been said there are 20,000 moments in the day, ergo, it would be quite tiresome to let our feelings rule our moments. So perhaps happiness has to come from a habit of mind, and not a habit of feeling. This is to say, the use of our minds and intelligences is essential to achieving happiness.

 

Does it sound strange to say,” I am in pursuit of happiness?” Did God ever say that we are to be happy and that we are put on this earth to be happy?” I would surmise that that it is not our ‘purpose’ per se, but it is an obligation to be happy because this is what occurs when our focus is on God and His glorious gifts he gave to us undeserving souls. He did not have to pursue us to create a relationship with us, but The WORD exemplifies a tremendous love story between God and His human creation. He chose to save us and build in an opportunity to have a personal relationship with Him through the sacrifice of His son (He paid the sin price for all of us). That seems the first step to finding happiness: GRATITUDE. In that way, I do think God would like us to be happy. It is difficult to be unhappy if we are full of gratitude for our existence, no matter what our circumstances. I mean, we as humans, are forgiven! We are being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that one may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks. (Col 1:11)

 

Joy is discussed often in the Bible. Joy and contentment are great synonyms for happiness. “Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.” (John 16:24). How is this possible when human nature is to always be satisfied? Human nature is working constantly against us and this is  the greatest obstacle to finding happiness. This is  probably one of the primary reasons we need to have a relationship with God. He gives us the ABILITY and POWER (through the Holy Spirit) to battle our human nature. (“Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit.” ) -John 3:5-7. It is not possible “by” ourselves to be happy although it has to come to us not from outside forces, but from the power of God “within” us. “But now I (Jesus) come to You; and these things I speak in the world so that they (Us) may have My (Jesus) joy made full in themselves. (John 17:13).

This verse corroborates the point of not being able to seek it from another person or “event.” It must be sought from OUR work, not someone else’s work upon us.

So how can this be? Circumstances constantly change and life is hard. What happens to us when we fall victim to our feelings? If our feelings become thoughts, then we must have discipline to overcome the natural tendency to become deeply troubled. “And bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5) This means it is a discipline or HABIT of the mind to extinguish a negative thought (which erupts from a negative feeling). It is not our hearts for which we can trust because our feelings are misleading. If we don’t do this, our thoughts potential become bad decision and sinful behavior. This IS part of the plan of God which again makes it a biblical concept, that we may not sin. In that case, happiness, being part of our disciplined mind’s activity, must be sought in order avoid sinful activities. The genesis of this has to come from an attitude which must be adopted.

This is why I argue for gratitude. Imagine, if we walk around with an attitude of gratitude? We avoid these pitfalls which inevitably steal and rip apart our joy and happiness.

The first one is the comparison game. Most of the comparisons we make are based on false assumptions of others. Have you ever caught yourself saying, “If only I looked like that” of “She has the perfect life” or “They have no problems.” The list is endless. It is totally in our imaginations because virtually all people put on some sort of mask when they are around others. If all people do this, then it is inevitable that others will make assumptions based on those masks. This is why it is so key to have intimate relationships with others. First, it enables you to talk out your misguided thought which then can become quenched once you realize we all have similar issues. Also, it allows us to become more real which in turn makes people want to be around us. No one likes to be around someone who is perfect and has no faults. It’s not reality!

 

The second one is IMAGES. Yes, comparing others is a form of image worship, but when we have it in our minds as to the expectation of what the “perfect” marriage is..or the “perfect” body..or the “Perfect” career”, we set ourselves up for failure. The only perfect person is Jesus. It is important to understand that hope is different than holding an idyllic image in our head. This is why being a follower of Christ, we know that this world brokenness and trouble does exist, but it won’t be “perfected” until we are glorified in Heaven and Jesus reigns supreme.

 

The third one is a “What is missing?” problem. Is it not so easy to focus on what is not there than to see what is? This is sabotages our happiness because there will ALWAYS be something missing. The “Most Important Thing” in our hearts changes like our feelings…constantly! Think about it. When you woke up this morning, you had your mind on the LATEST issue in your life. Two weeks later, you probably can’t even remember what that was but at the time it was MIT! With a grateful heart, we can deal with our issues but keeping a healthy perspective which says that it’s not as important as we may give it credit. Have you ever thought how much energy and time it takes for things to go RIGHT? Why don’t we celebrate those days. “Gosh, my body has not aches today!” or “My mom is alive and doing sell.” We maybe should look at what is “good” in our lives for a change instead of constantly seeking out what is not.

 

Finally, the opposite of gratitude is expectation. If we hold expectations or feel entitled constantly, it’s pretty impossible to be grateful. When we start to expect perfection from people, or when we feel certain things are “owed” to us, we basically lose control. That’s it and authority is handed over to others to make us happy. That means we are waiting on others (And GOD) to give us love, gifts…whatever.

 

Life is hard. It takes work. It takes discipline. But pursuing a habit of mind when feelings come along  (which breed misery), we can actually control those feelings to be extinguished and focus back on the reality. This reality has to be an attitude of gratitude. This is not easy as life throws us punches which seem unfair. However, with  a deep, personal, intimate relationship with God, (which has to stem from gratitude since (“He loved us so much that he gave his only son that whosoever believes in him shall NOT perish but have eternal life”-John 3:16), we can actually take our feelings to God, ask for help in turning these feelings into constructive thoughts which lead to a closer relationship with Him. This does not mean a “Pollyanna” existence. It does mean acknowledging the feeling through the dilemma or issue, working through it with intimate friendships and with God, and creating a Habit Of Mind to remain content and happy through the storm.