In a can!? Coconut Oil at Trader Joe’s!
Goodbye Pam!
Tater’s tootsies!
It was a great weekend with my little tot. We played on her mat….
Her tummy time is getting stronger and her smile is getting bigger!
AAHH…Tater Time Rocks!
Hop-A-Long
Is my new nickname at school apparently. Man, I live up to that name. I should be called “Help-A-Long” as well, because I feel like I am “helpless” pretty much all the time. This is a new feeling for me, and submitting to it and allowing the aid is something which I am learning to adapt. Admittedly, I put weight (yes, weight!) on my left foot because I just couldn’t handle hopping over to my crutches. Plus, I just HAD to get to the other side quicker than I should have. My impatience got the best of me today in another instant when I decided to take the stairs on my crutches instead of going all the way to the elevator. Going down was a cinch. However, when attempting to go back up the stairs my brain got confused and I attempted to plant my crutch on the next step before my foot could elevate me, and KABOOM. Down I went…and in front of the 5th grade classroom. “Are you OK..??? Oh my..Ms. Knight..are you hurt?”..yada yada yada. Superb!
Was not I just blogging the other day about the idea of having patience? I was even sporting THIS shirt today (thanks to ATR)
I arrived home and just wanted to crawl in a hole. Not because I fell. No, it is because all week I just could not do it ALL. I could NOT be 100% for Tatum. I could NOT be 100% for work. I could not be 100% for God. I could NOT be 100% for me. It’s darn near impossible to do this even when I’m a bi-ped! So, why am I so frustrated? I am FINALLY realizing I cannot have all the balls in the air simultaneously. One will drop or they may all drop. What counts? What counts is my attitude. I do my best, and I pray for wisdom and guidance. After that, I have no more control. It’s in His hands. This injury has given me this lesson and it it one which I have HEARD for many decades yet chose to not heed.
The perception I choose to hold is up to me. My reward:
AND TIME with the one’s I cherish. This is HOW I see God’s love…through the amazing people He has put in my life.
Entering the Promised Land
As told in the Torah (or the first 5 books of the Bible (Old Testament)), the Israelites were preparing to go to the Promised Land. According to one commentary,
But HE PROMISED. So, what did he do? He gave it to their children. God always does what he has promised.
The concept of PROMISE is something which I am not used to understanding. We throw around that word likes it’s a frisbee and actually believe what we say at that very moment. “If you do this (fill in the blank) for me, I’ll be your best friend forever; I promise!” Remember saying this as a wee tot? Or maybe it was said to you just yesterday! I have been promised (and hooked my hope onto) many friendships, potential love relationships, product or services I have purchased, financial gain.. (the list is endless).
Naked Eyes (that one-hit wonder 80’s group) said it best, “Never had a doubt in the beginning; Never a doubt; Trusted you true in the beginning…You made me promises, promises..You knew you’d never keep; Promises, promises; Why do I believe?”…… Yet most of them fall through and without malicious intent, as opposed to Naked Eyes rendition. Many promises are made thinking they would be fulfilled. Life circumstances just get in the way, and we are let down and disappointed. In fact, I am sure I have broken promises, and this hurts even more because I know how it feels. We are all flawed human beings.
I am keenly aware of this topic because now that I am a mother, I need to watch every word I say. Not only to Tatum, but to everyone. Often a friend at church will say, “We need to get together sometime. Let’s have lunch!” Then I’ll say, “I’ll call you and we’ll get together.” A teeny promise made and made with all our heart! Yes…let’s get together soon and have lunch! Then what happens? Monday hits and the crazy week begins….and……. next thing you know, it’s a broken promise.
As I focus on my relationship with God, I am constantly…constantly reminded that HE never breaks a promise. He puts things on hold, perhaps, or He doesn’t fulfill what I THINK He should fulfill, but one thing I DO KNOW: He LOVES me, and that may hurt sometimes. That may feel like silence. That may feel like a redirection of MY plan. BUT, when I look back on all the things I have been through, I see HE DOES come through. The children of Israel saw the fulfillment of His promises; the generation preceding did not. They did not see the big picture and often we do not either.
Sometimes, I feel like that Israelite wandering in the desert feeling….well, deserted! The promises made to me were left in cyberspace, and I even feel a silence from my Heavenly Father. That is why I continue to go back to His Word to be reminded; I go back to the stories of the others who have preceded me. I go back to His faithfulness in absolutely everything. And then. And then…. I am at peace.
Week THREE: Squeeze Plant Squeeze
Crutches. The definition of a crutch is a prop or a support. Now, if I were standing still, this would be completely appropriate. However, crutches do not seem to be designed for movement or what we bi-peds call walking . The suction cups at the bottom of each stick seem to be as only as effective as the strength in which his/her stick is firmly planted into the ground. If I were to press the suction cup diligently on the sidewalk or pavement, it would be likened to me to attempt to glue my foot to the ground with each step. This means each attempt to move forward would take me…………(I’m counting….) A LONG TIME! So, if you are following my logic, each step REQUIRES me to have my crutch stick to the ground OR guess what? It’s NOT stable.
The next issue of stability stems from the ability to press the crutch pad into one’s side so as to erase any option of the top of the crutch to slide, hence becoming UNstable.
Now, one can see that each and every step requires much work. I feel like I’m swinging a golf club each time I take a step. Each little movement requires much deliberation. The process goes: Right, left, crutch pad squeeze; right crutch forward, suction cup plant; left crutch forward, suction cup plant, squeeze squeeze right, left, crutch pad squeeze, right crutch suction cup plant; left crutch suction cup plant; Repeat. And so it goes. And so it goes. To soften the “squeeze” part, I have wound some lovely pink and white thermal socks (to match my pink cast of course!) around the crutch pad for extra padding. Has it helped? Eh.
The bright side? The coffee solution.
Dilemma: How will I carry my coffee? The rest of my supplies fit nicely into my backpack. Even my water bottle. But my delicious hot cinnamon flavored coffee? This warm concoction cannot fit nicely into my backpack! Solution: My Starbucks coffee thermos mug ! Brilliant! It screws tight AND has a neat little plug for the drinking hole…Solved. It’s a beautiful thing.
For every cloud there IS a silver lining, even if under my arms are fiery red and singing, “oohch!” with every little step.
My God; My Sherpa
This week, I realized how much I need a Sherpa (and thank God I have one!) What is a Sherpa? According to Wikipedia (if I may use such a source!)
“Sherpas are highly regarded as elite mountaineers and experts in their local terrain. They were immeasurably valuable to early explorers of the Himalayan region, serving as guides at the extreme altitudes of the peaks and passes in the region, particularly for expeditions to climb Mt. Everest…They are known for their hardiness, expertise, and experience at high altitudes.”I headed back to work (just to help out the sub and work with the kids on some projects) this week with much excitement and yet trepidation. The iffy part had to do with two things: Leaving Tatum and having so very little mobility. The excitement of being around my kids and working with my colleagues made it all worth it. However, I did not have enough internal fortitude to keep it ALL together ALL of the time. Who does? Well, this is when I needed to have God as my Sherpa (ALL THE TIME).
My “terrain” becomes His terrain when I invite Him into my day. The minute my feet hit the floor, I invite HIM into my walk (no pun intended). “His grace is sufficient for me.” (2 Cor 12:9) I am going to make mistakes and fall flat on my face (literally!), but with Him guiding my every step (actually allowing him to do so), I can handle it. Peaks, valleys, passes, heights, depths…His love for me and the gratitude I CHOOSE to see in my life, makes each step doable. He has the expertise. He has the experience (through Christ). I depend on Him (my Sherpa). And gosh…I am so dependent, I admit fully. Until I relinquished full control and submitted to His will, I am doomed to my mistakes; my scars, my scabs. I still may get them (they are inevitable), but each one gives me a chance to fall forward into His arms, learning and growing each time.
So, it was a HARD week, but I know I grew and so did Tatum. “She has the sweetest temperament, the cutest laugh, and seems extremely comfortable.” Hearing these words made my heart sing. Also, having her light up when she sees me, brings joy to my world.
May she embrace the newness of her schedule. May I adapt to entering work (eventually!) with less mobility simultaneously being effective and yet positive. May I STOP and enjoy the moment; each and every moment.
Letter to an Insecure, Incomplete Teenager
May I remember this for Tater! BE A FROG!