Author: Blog-admin

Last Sunday, I felt like a child back in kindergarten completely ill-equipped for the life of parenting. In fact, after putting her to bed on Monday night, I cried and thought I was failing miserably at this job. What was it that set it off? I tried to bite off more than I could chew. Moreover, I did not realize I was causing Tatum unneeded crying and whining which could have been avoided had I set her up for success. And MOREOVER, I was taking her little un-adorable behaviors (which are very few) personally. BUT, what has been missing from my parenting is oddly enough, Love and Logic which is what I use in my classroom as a philosophy for discipline and management. I tell my students everyday what I expect of them and communicate constantly (well, I hope I do!) Why have I not been doing this with Tatum?

So, it started in church on Sunday. I figured she could sit in the service if I provided needed toys and much comfort. The music was perfect as she danced along in her much-needed sitting position. But then, about 5 minutes into it, the toys I provided started going down on the floor and she wiggled and squiggled. Out and in of the service….out and in of the service….we did this multiple times and she just got more annoyed as did I. She probably could (and does) feel my trepidation about having her NOT whine and cry.  Finally, after reading a bunch this week and talking to some close people in my life, I  have been trying new tactics. This Sunday, I can look back and see a monstrous change. (no pun intended)

The difference? Giving her choice and communicating with her constantly about what I expect and what her behavior should look like. That way she makes the choice not to perform or to perform. Also, the choices I give her allow her to feel independent and that she has a bit of control; these options for her are: 1. Which of TWO outfits 2. Which of TWO bibs 3. Which of TWO or THREE books…and anything which is not super critical.

Next, she was tossing something when she was finished with it including her babies. Anyway, this was even happening in the car from her car seat. I modeled how to say, “thank you” then hand me the toy/baby/bottle/book. Then I made her do it over if she did not do it. Amazing! She now hands me the babies or her bottle or whatever she is playing with and says, “thank you,” and I say it back with much appreciation. (Today in church it was pretty funny because she said “thank you” after every little toy she played with)

She still will toss baby, but if she does, she loses it until further notice. It has diminished down to once a week maybe from many times a day!

Next, I tell her what we will be doing in the next few moments. Then I can tell her what I want her to do in that setting. Example: We go into church today and I told her that I will be giving her a bag of toys and she can play with them. I also told her I expect her to be a lady in church and not make noise or move around. She ended up sitting next to me the whole time. We did have to go out once; I placed her on  my lap in the lobby and told her that she is doing great, but she has to remember that it’s a place of quiet. I encouraged her and asked her if we could try again. She did great. Then I gave her cheerios and she ended up lasting the whole service.

This is by no means MY doing. I am just treating her like a young lady who can understand and follow my direction (WITH LOTS OF LOVE). I can tell she is yearning for this as she loves to test, but when redirected and left with the correct way to do it, she sees my glee and wants to have THAT kind of mommy. (not the disappointed one).

When we got home from church, earned back her babies (which went into the sink this morning) and she happily picked up her ball and was ready to play.

Hopelessness did overtake me last week. I am continuing to learn that it is one day at a time; one behavior at a time. There is not “easy” path, hence each day requires a lot of prayer for wisdom and the RIGHT attitude.

 

So, I make a big deal out of the little mysterious and un-lovely behaviors which come out of my adorable princess. I must because, you see, I teach middle school. Daily I am around 13 year olds who may be in large bodies but likened to 2-year olds in behavior. My overactive mind thinks I will not have a daughter who shows  B…R…A…T…T…I…N….E…S…S (looks like thrashing about/biting/slapping when her way is not given) or  E…N…T..I…T..L..E…M…E…N….T (sounds like “mine!” and whining when wanting something NOW!) or E…G….O…C…E…N….T….R…I…C…I…S….M (feels like demanding my full attention at ALL times no matter what is going on or with whom I am conversing). Now, many will say, “Oh this is completely normal at this ripe old age of 20 months.” Sure, may be normal once or twice but again and again? Nope. It can be nipped and tucked out.

Case 1: Throwing Baby when wanting attention. Baby goes bye bye until a much later hour in the day after she has realized she should not throw her toys.
OR When she is finished with something, say, “Thank you,” and hand it to me nicely. She must do it over and over again until she gets it right which gets tedious, but she gets the idea after 15 tries. Plus, she WANTS her _____ (insert what she wants at that moment)

Case 2: She wants to hold the toothbrush while I brush her teeth. We had to play tug of war and then she lightly slapped me on the face. Solution? That time she got a time out and showed me “gentle hands” and this morning, knowing that this may happen again I prefaced our brushing with, “Tatum, I am going to count to ten and brush your teeth. After that, you may hold the toothbrush.” Done. Then distract with “You have to help me close the cabinet.” Success.

Case 3: Tatum demands ALL of my time. I tend to give in and play with her letting her really run the show of what we do. Solution? I play with her for 30 minutes, then I go in my room, she follows me,  plops in her little chair and I tell her to go get a book.

She did not go, “UP!” to get on my lap. She kept busy.

Well, she kept busy around me trying to get my attention, but at least she was playing! Then, after a while, we read together. Her time, my time, our time. Nice. Moreover, we can then be silly and have F…U…N!

Case 4: I know she is going to cry when we get into the HOT car. I have learned that I must give her warning that it will be HOT. So, I am now armed with a cold drink or I tell her we will get her some crushed ice. The key? Communication. Telling her ahead of time what will be happening. Just like if we are going into the store. I tell her what we are doing and what I expect. “Tatum, I expect you to hold my hand the whole time.” vs. “Don’t xyz”…I focus on the positive and what I want not the “don’t” or “no”…  Also, I make sure I put “Baby” into the conversation. “Baby misses you” or “Baby wants you to be happy” or “Give baby a sip” etc. This gets her outside of herself and helps her to care for
another. Also, it is distracting to her needs. Then SHE wants to do what Baby does. Perfect!

Today, I just looked at her as she napped and thought: Man, this is hard work, but she is so worth every minute.

My goal is to raise an independent, kind, God-loving and God-fearing lovely woman so I keep my eye on the LT goal vs. my need to be loved or accepted by my daughter or to have her be happy with her mommy at all times. She will get upset and fight it, but in the long run, she is becoming a lovely, budding, young woman (with her Father God’s help).

 

 

 

 

Used today and by choice!
She ran up to me and said “poopoo” and pointed to the bathroom. We plopped onto the pink seat and voila! By no means is she trained, but the seat was a success!

Actually I think it is just wanting to seat on a throne herself. Hmmm?

 

BABIES!
Caught again. Secret: She has two babies. One for the car and one for the house. They got a bit mixed up last week, and I lost track. I had forgotten she left one in the “pub” (tub).

One of her babies she had placed in the dollhouse, and after running into the bathroom, she looked in the tub and saw her…what!? What is this? “Baby??” Baby!!! She then ran into the dollhouse room and voila! TWO Babies! She had to tell me immediately, so now?

Two. 
A pretty happy chick!

 

Newfound strength. Words cannot describe the appreciation I have for some new people in Tatum’s life. This weekend, we had the chance to be with an incredible family who solidly love the Lord and truly embraced Tatum.

Not to my surprise, I relished some time with the mom of the family, Dee, as I picked her brain with Tatum strategies. Her wisdom gave me so much hope. Giving Tatum choices and allowing her to slowly gain some independence will wage off her potential battles with me ( of defiance and frustration). Also, Tatum, and really any child, needs constant communication about what to expect and how to act in certain new situations. If given proper guidance and clear expectations, she can only blossom in challenging times. I am learning, minute by minute, how to lead Tatum down the path of least resistance on all of our parts.

Thank you for providing, Father, as you lead us into the next stages of life. Thank you to the S family as they are treasured by Tatum and me. Thank you to my dear friends at church who patiently love on me as Tatum and I learn to make the best of our experiences within the church walls.

 

 

Sundays are always wonderful. Not only do we get to go to worship God in community, but it’s a day of swimming and family.

After we took communion, we headed out of church Tatum clutching my hand. Although she is lower to the ground, it does not stop her from saying “HI!” to everyone in her path.

Then, we headed to the “poo.” That’s “pool” in Tatum-speak.

Her specialities? Back float, 123 jump, Superman to the side, elbow/elbow tummy knee/knee OUT of the pool. Masterful.

Then we end with her jumping off the shark into Mommy’s open arms. Thank you for my new hat, Grandma, to celebrate my Waterworks 🙂

This question is coming. This looming question of who is the other half of mommy is coming down the track like a slow moving train speeding up daily. I do not fear because I know her Daddy, and I’m getting to know Him day by day.

Tatum, you see, I was BBB (Blessed Beyond Belief) to be your chosen mommy. Your Daddy chose ME to raise you and wrap you in my arms and nurture you until the day I pass on. You know what? Your Heavenly Father is your Daddy. He loves you that much that He gave me to you and He is there for you always. ALWAYS, unlike earthly daddies. HE will never let you down. HE is unchanging. HE is protecting you and watching over you always even when nobody is there. HE won’t mess up and leave you. HE LOVES YOU MORE THAN I CAN EXPRESS. You have the rest of your life to get to know Him, and so that is my ultimate prayer for you; that you will get to know Him with every fiber of your being and that you will LOVE HIM with ALL of your heart, soul, mind and strength. You know what the result of this knowledge will be?

Confidence, Joy, Peace, and HOPE in a forever future with Him.

Tatum, I will never let you forget this because sometimes you will. Sometimes, I do, and I have to pray and be reminded that He is there. No matter what. Truth trumps Feelings. Don’t ever forget that.

Not at 20 lbs

 

and not ever!

XOXO.