May I remember this for Tater! BE A FROG!
Today, I worked at my school, even though I’m not supposed to be there quite yet. Being on one foot definitely is so much more difficult when trying to work. It is amazing how little I can actually do, so it is good I am not full time quite yet. This is going to be harder than I thought, but I have to have grace with myself.
There are so many projects for which I must handle that I need to be there for a bit. This means taking Tatum to daycare, and this is when I truly struggle. On one hand, it’s so nice to have that time where you can just focus and not worry that her needs are not being met. Then the other side of me, the pride side, says, she is going to forget me. Hogwash right?
At least when I was crutching around campus, the 8th grade students were headed out to a field trip. All were seated in the courtyard, and they all noticed me at once. The sea of faces was right in front of me, and I teared up. I really have missed being there. I have missed learning with them and teaching them. So, the argument in my head begins. Do I have guilt over not giving enough time to my daughter, or do I fret over not being a present educator? ….at least now. This seems to be the battle for which many face.
These next few weeks, I must make the most of my time while I am at school, and then at home, I capture every second with Tater (and Coti!). The Lord is my strength. He is in charge. I do the best I can do and leave the results to Him. He knows my heart, and I pray Tater will too.
At least she seems to be enjoying her time at daycare.
Actually, she is looking right at the most amazing gift one could ever hope.
Tatum Isabella Knight…Her name brings joy to my heart. My little girl.
Today, I had the incredible blessing of meeting with the paralegal to go over all the necessary paperwork for my hearing for Tatum. Soon, it will be final. May she know how much of a gift she is, and how much love..how much SHE is LOVED!
Apparently, I’m in this cast for two weeks, but since Dr. Waz needs to go on vacation, (Whatever!!) I have to sport this pink boot for THREE! Then, DAS BOOT for ___ week? Not sure yet.
Tomorrow, I will attempt to work part time and enjoy the kids!
The good news is that I am two weeks into this journey, AND I get my cast on Monday (3 days away). Bad news? Today was really hard. I wanted to have a “girl’s day” with my mom and go to lunch and Pottery Barn. The distance from my car to the front door was zero effort for a two-footed individual. For a gal on crutches? Man, it was miles. After Pottery Barn, we needed to head back to the car to repark for Cheesecake Factory. Ugh…repark. The amount of people at Kierland trumps the amount of spaces for cars. Don’t these people know that I can’t walk? By the time we reached the restaurant, my underarms were on fire. Forgive me, but why do they call it a “crutch pad?” Crutch pad…my foot! Forget new outfits, I need underarm cushions. Finally, we reached our destination, and I’m ready to eat!
News? What I have noticed is that my splint is loosening (perhaps due to swelling decreasing). When this happens, the splint moves about and rubs against my stitches. Since I cannot see inside my bandages, I just have to wonder what is occurring on the incision. It is not only bothersome, but painful. I’m definitely ready to go back home to my comfort zone. I am NOT ready for prime time quite yet.
Monday…come soon! I hear the cast is much more friendly.
What did I do to celebrate? I went to Cheesecake Factory with my mom and put Tatum at Temple Chai for the day. Hmmmmm….fair? Probably not, but I sure did need to breathe the air outside and feel partly human.
Tatum is EXPLODING with personality as of late. Only roughly a week ago did she cry at the drop of the proverbial hat. Now, we spend many minutes googling and goggling; oogling and awgling; blubbering and bloobering…it’s dynamic! Pure gibberish, and if one were a fly on the wall he would think me ridiculous. One person’s ridiclous is another’s treasure.
She is my treasure.
Yesterday, I was inspired when reading a blog by John Piper. He is the author of one of my favorite books, Desiring God. He discussed how many mornings, he wakes up with the ominous feeling that something is wrong or something may go wrong. I resonate with this feeling in that I know I have to do some kind of battle that day, and I just don’t feel up to it. I need someone to have my back, yet I don’t have a line of bodyguards to protect me. Often though, the battle is not a physical one where bodyguards are needed but a spiritual one where my mind and thoughts are attacked. This in itself makes me feel fragile and a bit fearful.
Piper writes, “Instead of letting me sink into a paralysis of fear, or run to a mirage of greener grass, he has awakened a cry for help and then answered with a concrete promise.”
Scenario: You wake up and feel weak, lifeless and vulnerable. You don’t even know how or what to pray, you just know you need help. That is when you just say, “Help me Jesus…I’m feeling weak.”
What verse can be a comfort? “Jerusalem shall be inhabited as villages without walls, because of the multitude of people and livestock in it. And I will be to her a wall of fire all around, declares the Lord, and I will be the glory in her midst. (Zechariah 2:4–5)
How is this comforting? Piper notes that for that time, “There will be such prosperity and growth for the people of God that Jerusalem will not be able to be walled in any more. “The multitude of people and livestock” will be so many that Jerusalem will be like many villages spreading out across the land without walls.”
Walls are security however. They secure us from the enemy and give us borders. God is promising us to be not only a wall but that of fire! What protection that can that be from the arrows from the enemy. But, moreover, “and I will be the glory in her midst” assures us not only protection but the knowledge of HIS PRESENCE. He’s always with us and that is genuine security.
For Piper, this was his “deliverance.” I find this comforting as well, and will cry out to Him when I fear or fret. He IS there. He IS our protection. As Piper says, “We are fragile. But he is not.”