Category: Writing

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From Dependence to Ownership: Rebuilding Student Agency in Today’s Classrooms

By Dr. Stephanie Knight-Hay

(this was a post I wrote for GCU’s website 2026)

There are certain phrases in education that sound impressive (and yes, we love our acronyms) until you say them outside of education. Then suddenly, you’re met with blank stares and polite nods as people quietly tune you out.

I’ve used the term student agency often, assuming everyone understands it. Yet when asked to explain it, I’ve found myself offering a multitude of definitions: students “taking ownership,” “having voice and choice,” or “actively participating instead of having school done to them.” Each explanation sounds fine but doesn’t truly get to the core. 

When I began asking, What is student agency, really? I quickly realized that definitions vary widely. To clarify, I like to go back to the beginning. Drawing on Bandura’s (2006) work on human agency and Zimmerman’s (2002) model of self-regulated learning, student agency can be understood as the capacity to set meaningful goals, take strategic action, reflect on progress, and believe in one’s ability to influence outcomes.

Still, not clear, so let’s ground it. Student agency means students do not just complete assigned tasks; they set goals, take ownership of their progress, learn from mistakes, and trust that their effort matters. In other words, they stop being passengers in their education and start becoming drivers.

Currently, student agency is starting to nosedive. Not because students “care less,” but because many classrooms have unintentionally done too much of the thinking for them. Agency will not return through more support, tighter rules, or louder encouragement. It returns when students are trusted with real decisions, real responsibility, and real higher order thinking. That is what this article will explore.

Crisis in the Classrooms

Sure, students are showing up, completing tasks and following directions. Yet something seems to be missing. If asked to initiate or make meaningful decisions about their learning, they seem paralyzed. This isn’t a “kids these days” problem. It grows out of well-intentioned efforts to scaffold, guide, and support students (especially to reduce failure!) so that they have fewer chances to practice making decisions and owning their learning. This is where independence and ownership are built.

What does the research say? Student-reported data reinforces this showing that many middle and high school students feel “bored and perceive little control” over their learning conditions closely tied to diminished ownership and readiness (James & Frome, 2025). Moreover, there has been a shift toward passive compliance when instructional systems prioritize efficiency and guidance over student decision-making (Ng, 2024). From the outside, it can appear that students are succeeding since assignments are submitted, objectives are met, and behavior is managed. As Ng (2024) notes, students may appear engaged while remaining dependent on external direction, highlighting why participation alone is not a reliable indicator of agency. But, remember, performance is not the same as agency. All is not lost, however! We can intentionally design learning environments that return responsibility, trust and meaningful challenge to students.

Why Agency Is Slipping (Without Blaming Students or Teachers)

The intentions are pure. Many modern classrooms have increased support in ways that improve task completion but can gradually diminish independence. Like water warming slowly, the shift happens so incrementally that it is easy not to notice until autonomy has quietly faded.

Here are some of the ways this shift shows up (all well-intentioned, but not always helpful for building independence):

  • Constant reminders and step-by-step directions replace planning and self-monitoring.
  • Success becomes about getting the “right answer” instead of working through mistakes and improving along the way.
  • Fear of making mistakes or earning a lower grade discourages risk-taking.
  • Students don’t get enough chances to make mistakes, learn from them, and try again.

I see this play out in my own daughter’s classroom. She receives a grade on her math test, but she has no opportunity to revisit the problems she missed or demonstrate growth. The grade becomes the endpoint rather than part of a learning process.

None of these practices are harmful by themselves. In fact, most were implemented to increase equity and ironically help students succeed. But when decision-making and that “productive” struggle are repeatedly removed from the learning process, students have fewer opportunities to practice initiating, pushing through, and regulating their own progress.

Research reinforces this pattern. When learning environments minimize opportunities for independent decision-making, students become less confident initiating and persisting on their own even when motivation is present (Ng, 2024).

Similarly, an AVID Center (2026) analysis notes that when classroom systems prioritize compliance and adult control, students may internalize the belief that learning is something done to them rather than driven by them.

The same research emphasizes that when teachers intentionally adjust structures, language, and expectations, students begin to emerge as decision-makers capable of taking ownership and being persistent. This is great news. 

Practical Solutions: What Rebuilding Student Agency Can Look Like

Not just in my classroom thinking, but I see this most clearly in my parenting. When I give my daughter structured choices, two or three options…not an overwhelming menu, something shifts. When I allow her room to decide within clear parameters, and when I speak confidence into her, telling her she is capable, she rises to it. She takes ownership. She persists longer. She believes she can figure things out.

Research across practitioner and education discussions converges on a consistent thought: agency grows when responsibility is intentionally transferred through design (Ng, 2024; Marshall, 2022). Taken together, rebuilding student agency can be understood through five opportunities, and what I call the 5 R’s of Rebuilding Agency.

Practical Solutions: The 5 R’s of Rebuilding Agency

  1. Room to Decide: Structured choices (not unlimited freedom) where students practice real decision-making but with clear parameters. Research consistently emphasizes that agency develops when students participate in real decisions about how, what, or how deeply they learn (Ng, 2024; Pearson, 2023). 

Classroom Example:

  • Instead of assigning one format for a final product, offer three clear options and try to give an example of each for clarity. For example (with same learning objective): a written product, a visual model, or a recorded explanation.
  • Provide two problem-solving pathways in math and allow students to choose which strategy to attempt first. Then they would provide a short reflection statement on why it worked or didn’t. 
  • Reasoning Out Loud: Students need opportunities to publicly justify, explain, and defend their thinking. Pearson (2023) highlights the importance of students sharing opinions, asking questions, and articulating perspectives. When students process out loud, they are thinking and out their ideas. (Then they are ready to write more clearly, and when your writing is clear, your thinking is clear). 

Classroom Example:

  • Replace “What’s the answer?” with TAG: “Tell answer, Add reason, Give how.”  
  • Build in “Think pair shares” daily to allow processing with a partner and then writing out their thoughts on paper. This way students explain their reasoning publicly before writing their final answers. 
  • Use sentence starters like: “I disagree because…” or “I approached it by…”; When students justify ideas, they move from compliance to clarity of thought.
  • Risk and Recover: Allow revision and learning from mistakes without permanent penalty. Marshall (2022) and Ng (2024) both stress that agency cannot grow when uncertainty and iteration are removed. Students must have space to try, adjust, and try again. Risk-taking disappears when students are not allowed to productively struggle in the trial and error process. 

Classroom Example:

  • Allow test corrections for partial credit but require students to explain what they misunderstood. (a short reflection paragraph)
  • Require “Draft–Feedback–Revision” in the writing process. If students see writing as a process rather than a single graded event, they’ll risk mistakes and revise to strengthen.
  • Reflect and Reset: Research shows that students build ownership when they set goals, monitor progress, and reflect on outcomes (Ng, 2024). AVID practitioners note that asking students to explain their choices and reflect on outcomes is a key lever for shifting beliefs about learning—from passive completion to active ownership (AVID Center, 2026). Reflection should be built into the routine after every assignment. This allows ownership and self-progress monitoring and transforms activity into growth.

Classroom Example:

  • End lessons with a quick reflection: “What strategy worked for you today?” or an exit ticket: “If you had five more minutes, what would you improve?”
  • Have students set a weekly learning goal and revisit it on Friday.
  • Reinforce Belief: Encouragement is important, but alone, it is insufficient. Students need to believe that their effort and hard work lead to change and growth. 

Classroom Example:

  • Instead of saying, “Let me show you,” ask, “What do you see happening next?”
  • Instead of “Good job,” say, “You stuck with it although it was hard!”
  • Make challenges part of the day: “This is supposed to be hard, and that is ok!”

How GCU’s College of Education Supports Agency

GCU’s College of Education supports current and future educators in building confident, independent learners through preparation that connects research, practice and real classrooms:

  • Clinical practice and field experiences: Candidates complete practicum/field experience, student teaching and internships supported through GCU’s Office of Clinical Practice and clinical requirements systems. 
  • Teacher preparation pathways: COE programs include field experience, exam preparation and student teaching as part of the learning journey—helping teacher candidates practice instructional decisions that promote student ownership. 
  • Professional development support: GCU’s education support offerings include professional development resources (e.g., Canyon Professional Development) that can strengthen instructional practices aligned with student engagement and ownership. 
  • Skill-building through advanced study: Graduate programs emphasize evidence-based instruction, differentiation and assessment—key levers for designing agency-rich learning environments. 

Degree Programs That Align With Building Student Agency

  • M.A. in Curriculum and Instruction 
  • M.Ed. in Educational Leadership 
  • M.A. in Reading Education (K–12) 
  • M.Ed. in Special Education 

Agency Is Built, Not Assumed

Student agency has quietly eroded unintentionally as responsibility and student decision-making have been outsourced to the teacher. This article has shown that it can and should be rebuilt but with intentional strategies.

When students are given room to decide, opportunities to reason out loud, space to risk and recover, time to reflect and reset, and reinforcement of belief in their effort, something happens. Students begin to see themselves not as recipients of instruction, but as participants in learning. They begin to trust that their thinking matters.

References

AVID Center. (2026, January 20). Student agency in action: Understanding beliefs to unlock potential.https://www.avid.org

Bandura, A. (2006). Toward a psychology of human agency. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 1(2), 164–180. http://wexler.free.fr/library/files/bandura%20%282006%29%20towards%20a%20psychology%20of%20human%20agency.pdf

James, M. P., & Frome, H. (2025, June 3). How student agency can boost engagement and readiness. Gallup. https://news.gallup.com/poll/660503/student-agency-boost-engagement-readiness.aspx

Marshall, T. R. (2022). The promise, power, and practice of student agency. Educational Leadership, 80(3). https://www.ascd.org

Ng, R. (2024). From passive to proactive: Exploring the role of student agency in educational transformation. IOSR Journal of Research & Method in Education, 14(1), 40–44. https://www.iosrjournals.org/iosr-jrme/papers/Vol-14%20Issue-1/Ser-2/F1401024044.pdf

Zimmerman, B. J. (2002). Becoming a self-regulated learner: An overview. Theory Into Practice, 41(2), 64–70. https://www.leiderschapsdomeinen.nl/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Zimmerman-B.-2002-Becoming-Self-Regulated-Learner.pdf

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How Christian Teachers Impact Private and Public Schools: Balancing Faith and Leadership

By Dr. Stephanie Knight-Hay

(this was an article I wrote for GCU’s website in 2025)

SUMMARY: 
Christian teachers can shape culture, character, and achievement across private and public schools. This article shows practical, research-backed ways that show what “impact” may look like bringing belief into everyday teaching in public and private schools, and how to be a servant leader as one can take leadership beyond the classroom. 

Public classrooms can make Christian educators feel torn between a “mission” and a “rulebook.” Here’s the good news: you don’t have to choose. Many teachers lead by example: Serving consistently, responding calmly and concisely, and weaving virtues into daily habits that lift behavior and learning. Lead with actions, use evidence on building relationships and quick repair, and follow the legal boundaries; this is a faithful, effective approach. This article covers: what impact looks like in the classroom (backed by research), private Christian schools and modeling values within the law, public schools while living your faith within legal boundaries, and servant leadership that works in any setting and how to take that leadership beyond the classroom.

1.    What “impact” looks like in the classroom (public or private)

First, a quick story

The bell rings and the room is in a ruckus. Ms. K walks around the room, checking students’ bell work (as she greets the individual students by name). She then crouches beside a fourth grader who’s stuck on the warm-up. Then a student yells out, “Hey, Ms. K are you a Christian?” She politely answers, “Yes,” and pivots: “In here, everyone is respected; now let’s get back to the task.” Later, a conflict flares in a small group over roles. She guides a two-minute repair (a very short, structured reset after a disruption so the class can move on. It’s restorative, not punitive). No big speech: just warmth, clear directions, and helpful habits that keep everyone working. Wanting to make an impact herself, Birmingham was curious how Christian teachers at public schools integrated their faith-based identities into the classroom setting. She interviewed Christian public school teachers and discovered four categories: identification, service, student-initiated moments, and built-in routines (Birmingham, 2025).

Identification: name it, then model it

  • Action: Offer a short, appropriate acknowledgment if asked; let your actions convey the message.
  • Words: “Yes. In here everyone is respected. Now let’s continue reading to paragraph three.”
  • Payoff: Establishes clear expectations and earns trust. (Birmingham, 2025)

Service: showing up for students and families

·      Action: Show up in small ways: constant family communication, quick thank-you notes, keeping spare snacks on hand, and one consistent caring routine students can count on.

·      Words: “You’ve got this…let’s tackle the first step together.” “Grab a snack if you need one,” “I’ll text home two wins and one next step,” and “Let’s fix this fast so we can get back to the learning.”

·      Payoff: Increases trust and stabilizes classroom feel.

Student-initiated comments: responding not recruiting

  • Action: Give a quick, even-toned answer if a student asks about your faith then shift back to the lesson.
  • Words: “Yes. In here everyone is respected. Now our job is finishing XYZ. Or answer, “I celebrate it as a Christian holiday; people observe it differently. Let’s get back to paragraph three.”
  • Payoff: Keeps one neutral yet professional, and respecting students’ rights while protecting learning time.

Built-in routines: let habits teach virtues

  • Action: Use daily habits like quick repairs, have a class acronym (like: RISE: Respect, Integrity, Safety, Effort), make small next-step goals and create calm work time.
  • Words: “What does RISE look like during labs?”, “Your big goal is ____; Next step right now is….I’ll check back in 3 minutes.”
  • Payoff: Grows kindness and keeps the room calm; no preaching required.

Strong teacher–student relationships and a few class wide “life-skills” habits (goal-setting, quick repair, peer affirmations) are linked to better engagement, behavior, and achievement (Cornelius-White, 2007; Durlak et al., 2011). Lead with care, keep expectations clear, and run steady routines and in public settings, do so within federal boundaries (Birmingham, 2025).

2.    Private Christian schools: bringing belief into everyday teaching

More of the story

The next period, Ms. K walks into her homeroom at a private Christian school. As the bell fades, students open journals to the prompt: “This month’s virtue: perseverance. Where did you see it yesterday: in yourself or someone else?” A brief pair-share leads to a short Scripture connection and a concrete tie-in: “Perseverance today means finishing the draft and making one more revision.” In ELA, students write thank-you letters to the city crew they partnered with on a class project. The faith is explicit, yet the teaching playbook is unchanged: clarity, consistency, and service that helps learning stick (Birmingham, 2025). In faith-based schools, educators can name and nurture biblical character alongside academics. The practices below show how that comes together. 

How mission and teaching meet:

  • Explicit character formation: Virtues such as humility and perseverance are named (and referenced from the Bible), practiced, and reflected upon through morning circles, reflection journals, and restorative conversations that are tied to the school’s mission (Birmingham, 2025).
  • Service learning by design: Connect academics to local causes. For example, analyze neighborhood data in math and publish informational ELA pieces for real readers like a nonprofit or city office (Birmingham, 2025).
  • Mission aligns with what is seen on campus: This looks like chapel themes, grade teams with goals, and simple “caught-you-doing-good” shout-outs without easing up on rigor (Birmingham, 2025).
  • Cross-curricular alignment: Use the theme across classes. For example, a stewardship lab in science, a mercy/justice debate in civics, a quick write like “Where did you see perseverance in your drafting yesterday? Tie your directive to the Bible like “How does James 1:4 connect to your revision goals today?” (Birmingham, 2025).

In private Christian schools you can name the faith piece out loud, but what makes the difference is the same: strong relationships, clear goals, and everyday service that grows character (Birmingham, 2025; Durlak et al., 2011).

3. Teaching in public schools: modeling values within the law

Great teaching runs on relationships, clear expectations, and consistent routines; these constants are tied to better behavior and learning in any setting (Cornelius-White, 2007; Durlak et al., 2011). If you teach at a public school, use the same routines (greeting, goal-setting, quick repair) and just utilize neutral language for character-building terms like respect, diligence and kindness.

If the Department of Education came in to observe a classroom, they would want to see a teacher: 

  • Answer briefly if asked about one’s faith, then get back to learning
  • Allow student-led, calm, non-disruptive prayer/discussion, but on student’s time
  • Grade by the same parameters whether a paper cites the Bible, the Quran, or none

Practice over talk: modeling Christ’s commands allows one to keep a neutral stance and keeps one clear of proselytizing. Moreover, the invitation from Christ was never to perform a speech but to live a witness. That practice honors DOE guardrails, making it a lawful and effective public-school approach (U.S. Department of Education, 2023; Birmingham, 2025).

4. Serve first: classroom habits that work anywhere

When Ms. K notices a student lingering after class, she quietly asks the student how she’s doing. Then Ms. K just listens to the student before she speaks. The student is worried about a late assignment, but Ms. K’s tone stays calm and curious. Rather than correcting, she coaches the student toward improvement. Good teaching begins with serving students’ needs first and leading by example through consistent, caring behavior (Cornelius-White, 2007; Durlak et al., 2011). Servant leadership means putting students and colleagues first: Listening, lifting, and clearing the path so learning can happen (Birmingham, 2025). Some examples follow.

Listen first, coach second

  • Action: A student is stuck on an assignment: Start with a question like: “Help me understand what part is blocking you right now?” Give a concrete next step.
  • Words: “I understand. Try to finish two sentences, and I’ll check back in 3 minutes.”
  • Payoff: Defuse the tension and guide the student back to learning (Birmingham, 2025).

Spot and strengthen the positive

  • Action: Close class by naming a specific effort you saw (model it) and allow others to do the same to their table partner
  • Words: “I saw Julie stick with that difficult math problem! That is perseverance!”
  • Payoff: Builds relationships and motivation (Cornelius-White, 2007).

Honor instructional time

  • Action: Teach one refocus routine; post the task and the first step, give the same cue plus countdown, then circulate.
  • Words: “Right now our job is ___. Starting in 3, 2, 1.”
  • Payoff: Faster transitions and more instructional time (Durlak et al., 2011).

Restore don’t react

  • Action: Quick fix: Who was affected and what makes it right by when.
  • Words: “Who was affected? What simple fix gets us back on track?”
  • Payoff: Calm reset without a time-consuming lecture (Durlak et al., 2011).

Care beyond the classroom

·      Family targeted check-ins

  • Actions: Send weekly individual notes for students who need extra support; class update for everyone else.
  • Words: “Celebrating Jack’s calm start and completed math in class!”
  • Payoff: Support where it matters most.

·      Model service

  • Action: Tidy the room with students (wipe tables, reset desks, pick up room trash).
  • Words: “Let’s reset together; two minutes and we’re back on task.”
  • Payoff: Shows shared responsibility (“we,” instead of “me”) (Birmingham, 2025).

Put service first, listen carefully, make expectations plain, and show steady care. Those everyday moves are tied to better behavior and learning (Cornelius-White, 2007; Durlak et al., 2011). In public settings, do them within federal guidelines, and in private settings, be explicit with your faith (U.S. DOE, 2023; Birmingham, 2025).

Serve first, be clear, stay consistent. Show it within the rules in public schools and name it openly in private ones; the heart doesn’t change.

References

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Building Social Emotional Skills through Cooperative Learning

Building Social Emotional Skills through Cooperative Learning

Dr. Stephanie Knight

It seems as though the kids who enter my classroom have more needs than ever before.  Sure, they need the three R’s, but they also enter with social emotional deficits. This impacts their learning! On one hand emotions have the potential to boost students’ thinking, but conversely they can inhibit learning. Daniel Goleman, the expert on Emotional Intelligence, would stress teachers need to be not only discussing feelings but adding this emotional intelligence quotient into the day. (Goleman, 2001) I have found that Social Emotional Learning (SEL) skills embedded into the curriculum + Cooperative Learning structures + Reflection = Optimum learning for life long skills.

Embedding vs. Explicit

Mastering the emotional intelligence skills (self awareness, managing emotions, self motivation, empathy, and handling social relationships), coined by Daniel Goleman (1995), is crucial for school and life success. SEL is a process for teaching these skills. One way to help students gain these skills (like lessons on empathy, etc.) is to teach them explicitly as part of the curriculum. This takes extra planning and perhaps can replace what must be covered. On the other hand, there is power in the embedded curriculum. Many seem to learn better when the skill is applied, such as a simple Think Pair Share (taking turns and sharing ideas), and Kagan would argue that the Cooperative Learning (CL) structures are a way of teaching by doing (Kagan, 2001).

Yes, but HOW?

CL is not new but many struggle with its implementation. Without structure, getting my students to work cooperatively never worked. However with the use of formal CL in the classroom, students have roles and participate in decision-making. There is safe expression of ideas while they foster positive social relationships. Simultaneously, there is the teaching of accountability and responsibility.

The key is STARTING my year showing that our classroom goal is to be a community. Students must have BUY-IN and that is why we discuss how we will work on the emotional skill goals. These goals are posted along with empowering quotes showing that we will be a cooperative learning classroom. However, practice and constant modeling is crucial. I use the structures for content, but I always will add in a fun icebreaker to keep us community-oriented. Class-builders should be done weekly too.

Practical ideas for using SEL in the CL

Each week, post the social-emotional goal on which you would like to focus. The

following are some great Cooperative Learning strategies developed by Kagan (2001). Again, this is part of the goal of being a community. Self-awareness can start the year because you might want to have students have journals, think pads, and personal space on which they can rely.

1.     Self-Awareness

 

  • Journal Reflections: Students keep a feelings journal in which they record their emotional reactions to anything which occurs in school including successes, failures, and relationships. (Kagan, 2001)
  • Always allow think time before they respond on a think pad or such.
  • (Each student should have a think pad (a blank notepad) so they can record a thought before answering in class. This also allows one to record any thoughts without blurting out impulsively).

 2.     Self-Control


 

  • Talking Pencils: This approach works wonders for discussion or even a practice for multiple-choice answers. (“It can’t be “B” because…; or “it might be “C” because…”)
  • When one wants to share his/her opinion, he/she places his pencil in the center of the four-person group. Once each has spoken, he/she cannot speak again until everyone has put in a pencil. When all pencils have been put in, they take them back and start with the next question.

3.     Self-Motivation

 

  •  Rally Coach: This method allows each student in a pair to solve a problem with coaching from the other partner, fostering self-worth and independence.
  • A pair could be working on a math problem or a lab report.
  • Partner A can work the first problem while Partner B watches, listens, coaches, and praises.
    • This part is going to require practice as many don’t know how to listen, coach, and praise.
    • Students’ confidence will build and they will want to solve problems because they won’t feel like failure is fatal.
    • Next, Partner B solves the next problem while Partner A watches, listens, coaches, and praises. Partners take turns until the task is complete.

 4.     Empathy

 

  • Jigsaw: With this method, each student on the team masters a different part of the lesson. Each teammate leaves the team, and works with like-topic members from other teams. Students then return to teach their teammates their portion of the content. (Hirsch, 2014)
  • This not only builds empathy as students learn to really listen, but it also builds self-confidence and motivation as other students become experts.
  • According to Hirsch (2014), “Cooperative learning creates what Daniel Goleman calls “cognitive empathy,” a mind-to-mind sense of how another person’s thinking works.”
  • Many Kagan Structures encourage empathy because they involve asking others questions, interpreting body language, and discussion.

 

5.     Relationship Skills


 

  • CenterPiece: This approach is a great interaction brainstorming opportunity.
  • Each group needs five pieces of paper per team of four, one paper each and one in the center.  There is a brainstorming topic, and each participant writes his/her choice. He/she says it, writes it, and exchanges the paper with the one in the center. Participants continue to brainstorm, each time trading their page with the CenterPiece.
  • Finally, the teacher leads in whole group discussion of each centerpiece title and allows groups to share/explain responses.  This can work great for writing prompts or reviewing math problems. At the same time, group dynamics continue to strengthen.
  • To build relationships, all of these structures or many others suffice.

Student Reflection and Self-Assessment

Ideally, reflection should occur daily and is perfect inside the journals or on a peer, self, or group reflection sheet. Without the process of thinking back on one’s experiences, one cannot truly grow into a deeper understanding of self. Plus, this creates accountability so students can stay focused on goals.

Choosing to embed Cooperative Learning structures into the regular curriculum enables students to practice using social skills throughout the school day. Optimum learning is contingent on healthy SEL which comes from CL and reflection. If started early and continued consistently, things will change, and the classroom will become a true community.

 

 

 

 


 

References

 

Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ.  New

York: Bantam Books.

 

Goleman, Daniel. Emotional Intelligence: Five Years Later, February 23, 2001.

http://www.edutopia.org/emotional-intelligence-five-years-later

 

 

Hirsch, Joe. Teaching Empathy: Turning a Lesson Plan into a Life Skill, February 6,

2001.http://www.edutopia.org/blog/empathy-lesson-plan-life-skill-joe-hirsch

 

 

Kagan, S. Kagan Structures for Emotional Intelligence. San Clemente, CA: Kagan

Publishing. Kagan Online Magazine, Fall 2001. www.KaganOnline.com

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Golf Chick’s Latest: Pass the Digital Manners

 

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“Keep a napkin on your lap and don’t reach for things; ask to have them passed to you!” Sound familiar? Great advice for a child. No, for all of us. But how long has it been since you have had a meal with your real friends? It is easy to NOT spend time with people you know in real life because you are too busy Facebooking or Tweeting your “friends.” But, it is a reality that these mediums exist. Good thing that everything you need to know about wise social media-ing has been taught by “Raising Children 101” so it is not difficult. Why do I bring this up? It has come to recent attention that athletes more than ever are using social media to stay in the game. Why should they? More importantly, why should we? Read on.

If you are over the age of 30 (or fffffforty), did you know, according to edudemic.com, on average at age 8, children are regularly online. Also, if over 25% of teens log onto social media about 10 times a day (and they do because they want to be connected), then might it be a bit important to understand it? Although, I’m not in the generation that grew up with Facebook, the generations below us now are “expecting” MORE and MORE information and connection. It is not enough to just read a book or watch a movie or event. And just watching our favorite athletes on TV and seeing highlights of games the day after is insufficient. We now want those backstage passes to give our feedback and meet the band. We don’t want front row seats anymore; we want to be in the batter’s box or on the sidelines listening to the trash talk of the players. Give me instantaneous connection with my athletes! They have responded and are using Facebook and Twitter to talk about their games, further their future business opportunities, create their “brand” and stay connected to fans.

Companies are as well. Harry Arnett, Callaway Golf’s director of marketing, told golfweek.com that for them, “It’s pretty much the centerpiece of everything we do. It’s critical for us because that’s a very engaged group of fans of our brand that are also up to speed on the fastest ways to communicate with their friends and other golfers.”

Tony Hawk and Shaq are a couple of top sports stars active on Facebook and Twitter. They love the hype. One fan notes, “It is insane how common Twitter has become in the sporting world. It appears that every athlete, coach and analyst has their own account.” Sadly, however, it has become headline news as of late due to “unsportsmanlike conduct.” Chad Ocho-cinco of the Cincinati Bengals and Larry Johnson formerly of the Kansas City Chiefs seem to use Twitter as a medium for trash talk. Shame shame; where’s the class?

In golf, we have our top 9 as well according to pga.com (Thanks to social media, Facebook to be exact, they posed a “who’s your favorite tweeter” question to fans and got their answer)

9. John Cook

8. Andres Gonzales

7. Hunter Mahan

6. Graeme McDowell

5. Bo Van Pelt

4. Rickie Fowler.

3. Ian Poulter

2. Bubba Watson.

1. Jason Dufner.

 They may not have a personality on the course, but off, they show it all on social media, especially Jason Dufner who has quite the wit off the green. They have been on par with branding themselves wisely by providing substantial content and intelligent answers to golf debates. Many contribute to the community frequently and, with class, engage among their followers; they are “social”.

So, if you are a golfer, you can take the game a step further and follow your courses on Facebook, your pro on Twitter, or find out about the latest club, driver or happening event by talking to others. And as a golfer, you know manners are key.

If you will allow me this tangent, from a virtue perspective, should we question whether the millennials are still valuing the same face-to-face communication ethics? Integrity, sincerity, and patience, for example, are tête-à-tête necessities. Are these going away? They will argue that they have MORE to deal with now that we are in a digital age. Change does not necessarily mean that tradition has become obsolete. In fact, these timeless truths are things we teach our children. Simple. Straightforward. Necessary. There is old wisdom, just like raising children in this new day, and these rules should apply if you are to engage in social media, whether you are a pro, an amateur, or just a spectator.

TIPS for RAISING CHILDREN: Apply to Social Media Habits

1.     Don’t interrupt

Since this is not face-to-face, you probably wonder how can one interrupt? Overtweeting (or posting) is a way of overstaying your welcome or dominating a conversation. Unless you are personally witnessing a hurricane in Arizona, don’t give a play by play of your day. It clogs the system and really is unnecessary. You have to have a sifter in your head. Tweet or post the rocks and let the sand sift through. This is one thing the big 9 had in common. They had valuable things to say which didn’t need to be tweeted 20 different ways.

Another big no-no is choosing to tweet or post while you are actually in the middle of doing something, like DRIVING or DINING with a friend.

Be in your moment and wait your turn.

2.     When you have any doubt about doing something, ask permission first.

Not a bad idea! It is pretty sad when you need to borrow someone’s tweets without giving them credit. Be original. If you cannot be, don’t press those buttons. If you must retweet, put RT, and then put the @ username. Think about it, if you are a writer you need to think like one and be polite (don’t plagiarize). While I’m at it, proofread. Nothing is more annoying than typos. You had time to type 140 characters, so you have time to reread it.

3.     Keep negative opinions to yourself; the world is not interested in what you dislike.

But doesn’t negative sell? Yes. That is the problem. I think you are better than that, and I think you have class, especially if you are a golfer. I also know that you are building a brand (or selling YOU) when you are in the public eye and you have to ask yourself, who do you want to be: Spreader of good or spreader of trash? Do you want to add value or detract?

Many people use Facebook or Twitter as a public platform to say something about someone else. Would you say this to their face?

Example, You decide you don’t want to follow someone and you announce it to the world. Uncool. Just do it and carry on.

4.     It’s not all about you. You talk. They listen. They talk. You listen.

We live in a bit of a narcissitic time, and it is easy to get caught up in the “This is MY post/MY tweet/MY thought. You must read and respond and acknowledge my brilliance.”

Rickie Fowler, although a fine golfer, tends to show that, yes, he lives the dream life. For him, it is all about his outfit, his culinary experience or his photo shoots. He is Rickie Fowler after all. But the fact that he knows this is disconcerting. However, for us Joe Schmoes out there, here is a tip: Unless you are a pro athlete, don’t tell us you are at the gym. AND unless you have a personal chef, and your Eggplant Parmesan was made with 14 K gold bread crumbs and served by Rickie Fowler, it is just not that interesting. We all understand that your dinner was one of the best of your life, but let’s face it; your dinner at Joe Bob’s Kitchen is not news breaking.

Finally, “checking in” on Facebook is an odd feature. Great…let me tell everyone I am at XYZ at 2am. At that point, you are going to need your 2000 virtual friends to come help you when someone has broken in to your empty home.

5.     Think before you speak.

This is what I like about John Cook. Known as “Cookie”, he many not have quantity tweets, but he definitely gives his fans quality. He deals with the latest topics and gives his sincere opinion.

Before you hit that final send, post or tweet button, reread, rethink it. Also, please share information with close friends before posting it on Facebook.

Example: You have just played golf with a good buddy, and you have shared that you may be looking for another job. Next thing you know, he has posted this on his Facebook page for his 1700 friends before checking with you. One of his friends is your boss’s sister’s husband’s niece.

Or, perhaps, maybe you had a bad experience at Troon. Instead of Tweeting your frustration, be a classy guy or gal and go see the manager. Maybe there was a miscommunication, misunderstanding or lack of judgment on  one of the party’s fault.

6.     Be appreciative and say “thank you.”

 I’ll take this a step further. Graeme McDowell (GMac) seems to really appreciate his fans. He treats them like he would another pro, and he loves to engage with them.

You may post an idea or a question to your circle, and you get many responses. To be grateful and say thank you, or to send a private note to someone sharing appreciation, is a classy move. It never gets old to be humble.

7.     Don’t call people mean names or make fun of anyone for any reason. Teasing shows others you are weak.

Remember there is a human on the other side of the screen. Enough said.

It is up to YOU: Take ownership of your life, your golf game, and your social media habits!

Before we part ways, remember ONE LAST tip. This one is the most important of them all:

8.     Keep a napkin on your lap and don’t reach for things; ask to have them passed to you.

Now, GO have a real meal with a real friend and take a break from your virtual ones. Then go play a game of golf phone free (unless you are using it to take a picture of the beautiful outdoors).

 

 

 

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SSSSHHH. A One Week Challenge

ssshhhh2For a sport that requires so much silence, ironically, waves have been made over much noise created by two golfers. This is irony at its best. We have all done it; Words have escaped your lips, and within milliseconds, you think…(*slo mo moment*): Waaaaaaiiiiiiit. You wish you had a virtual hook to tongue-reel in those words back into your mouth. Too late; it’s already out there. Where the words go is out of your control. If you offend, you offend. If people laugh, they laugh; the words you say become the fuel for someone else’s reaction. The part YOU control is over, sad but true. Now, add a layer: If you speak to an audience, and thanks to the instant explosion of media reaction which will tear you down and spit you out within minutes, you are held to a higher standard.

Take the case of Sergio Garcia’s comment about Tiger Woods in front of the entire Ryder Cup team at the European Tour’s annual dinner. When (jokingly?) asked by Golf Channel’s Steve Sands how often he will invite Woods around for dinner at next month’s US Open, Garcia replied: “We will have him around every night. We will serve fried chicken.”

The level of fury radiating from this and dispersing across the airways was rapidly analyzed and interpreted. All due to a few harmless words? (or so you thought at the moment of airing) Sergio probably wished he could take those 12 words back, but now, it is up to the media to break him down and then turn to Woods for “comment” which furthers the sting for Sergio. (Oh, they love this propaganda-like ability to take this and explode it furthering the issue to more than perhaps needed) Woods tweeted the comment to be “wrong, hurtful and clearly inappropriate.” So, now that the object of the comment takes offense to it, we are not qualified to comment on how we feel. He was wronged.

Sadly, however, we are now looking at the character of Sergio, and this may be hurting his career

Over a few words!?

Yes.

I have been reading this story now for a few weeks, and if you are like me, you think that could have been me! I know I have said something without thinking.

Seneca, the Roman Philosopher once said, “Speech is the index of the mind.” Add to that Jesus who states, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.” (Mat. 12:34). Furthermore,  James, Jesus brother says, “the tongue is “a fire, a world of iniquity, and “the tongue a “deadly poison.” Ouch!

This made me further think about WORDS. What we say must be in line with our heart. So one must go straight to the heart and check there first.

My goal is not to experience delayed intelligence, but have wisdom as I speak. (not after!)

The beauty of the golf course is it gives us a chance to BE QUIET and think. This may be the time to think about these principles, so delayed intelligence does not become something you have to experience. If you find yourself feeling regret, first, be glad you feel regret. This shows you have a repentant heart and know you need to make a TURN. There, however, may be another clue that lessons are needed: Do you talk a lot? If you are always waiting for others to silence so you can speak up, chances are you say some ..no…MANY wrong things. So, stop talking and LISTEN now.

First if you do play golf, this one will be easy! If not, maybe you need some duct tape. Try these all for ONE WEEK.

  1. Zip it. Try to use your two ears instead of your one mouth for a change. Spend a week observing and taking things in. Maybe your heart will change in some areas. Plus, maybe you will not be so reactive.
  2. This silence will allow you to slow down and think. Awkward silence is just that. Awkward. Not wrong. Sometimes it is best to just take a deep breath and make a wise choice before words come flying out. Believe me, they are ready to soar because you have your opinions. Just hold on for a few seconds! However, BEFORE you speak, you have a hierarchy you must funnel your words through. I’ll use Sergio as an example to illustrate the point.

 

NUMBER ONE: Are your words truthful?
In Sergio’s case, I’ll opt for thumbs up. He probably would serve fried chicken. Paula Dean would be an ideal person to help him with this! This way, he would not have to go through the Colonel’s drive-thru. Check it out: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipe-collections/fried-chicken/index.html. It only takes 14 minutes and is easy easy easy! And hey, he might try serving some Spanish rice as to make it a complete meal. Guy Fieri has my personal favorite, but this will set him back about one hour. Here you go, Serg: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/guy-fieri/guys-spicy-spanish-rice-recipe/index.html However, if Sergio was not being truthful, then we must move on to the next one.

NUMBER TWO: Are your words necessary?

Let’s take a look at the question. “Would you have Tiger Woods over for dinner?” This is not a trick question. In fact, it demands a one-word answer. To expand on the answer is risky. The superfluous words supplied by Sergio may have been necessary if he was needing to explain his menu but he wasn’t given that task. Still, maybe he thought it was necessary to try to be funny. BUT, he’d have to pass the final test before his words could escape his lips.

NUMBER THREE: Are your words kind?

The sarcastic offer to cook fried chicken for golf’s superstar, not only had a hint of casual racism but did nothing to uplift the individual. Moreover, it did nothing to contradict the underlying prejudice that golf is a white-man’s sport.

 

We could take a few lessons from Atticus Finch, the sagacious lawyer/father in To Kill A Mockingbird. The best line in the book, and one we can all learn from is when he is addressing the narrator/protagonist, Scout, his 8-year-old daughter. He says, “First of all, if you can learn a simple trick, Scout, you’ll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view…. until you climb into his skin and walk around in it. “(Lee 30)

Being kind means being empathetic and thoughtful. Being kind, means checking your heart before you speak, and making sure that if you do not have something nice to say, do NOT say it. No matter if Sergio thought it was kind or not, he did not think about how Tiger would have taken it. He did not “walk around in his shoes for a while.”

We can all learn a lot from the Sergio-Tiger duo. Hopefully they can too. Next time you tee it up, remember, that silence is golden more often than not. It is in golf. Again, the world of golf gives us crucial lessons for life. I challenge you to try these steps for one week and see if you have fewer conflicts (and maybe better scores!)

 

 

 

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St. Patrick and Being USED

WHO WAS HE???

Born, 386 AD in Britain and died in 460 AD in Ireland, Patrick descended from a grandfather who was a priest and a father who was a deacon in the Roman church. At this time in history, Christianity had become part of the Roman culture.

According to Stanley Ward of crosswalk.com, Patrick was not only a theologian, but he loved people. He fought for their rights as an activist.

First, as a theologian, he was a bishop to the Irish. But it did not begin this way. At the young age of 16, he was kidnapped by pirates and taken to Ireland from his British homeland. He then spent six years as a shepherd since as a sold slave. He truly learned humility, as he knew nothing of the finer things he had in Britain. All he had was his time with God to pray without ceasing. During the evening at one point, he heard a voice tell him to head back to Britain, and after “walking to a seaport, he miraculously found passage away from Ireland, and eventually, back to Britain.” (Ward)

Sadly, he missed out on being educated, but this “weakness” became a strength. When he went back to Ireland, he did not have the polish or the refined skills to make him sound intellectual. However, his closeness with God and his honest prayers made him a beacon to the Irish, not his speaking skills. (He did train in the priesthood) Moreover, his love for nature, and seeing God in all of it was much of His appeal. Apparently, he used a three-leaf clover to illustrate the Trinity – “Father, Son, and Spirit are one God. Three persons in one.”” Simple, yet elegant.

As a lover of people and their rights, he supposedly was one of the first anti-slavery proponents. He wrote Letter to Coroticus to plead British Christian leaders for the safe return of slaves. Nothing came of this as many now saw him as an Irish man instead of Roman which weakened his influence in Britain.

In fact, he fought for women as he saw them as the backbone of society.

Thanks to Patrick, slavery ceased in Ireland. He fought with God’s love; not with fists or hate.

Be a St. Patrick now

Ward notes that modern St. Patricks, “1. Love God deeply and are able to discern His calling; 2. Are able to teach deep truths by illustrations from common experience; and 3. Demonstrate their faith through a genuine love for people, advocating the cause of those who cannot defend themselves; often this advocacy is motivated by personal experience.”

His life was filled with challenges, obstacles, pain and suffering. He mourned for the lost and the oppressed. He lacked the “accoutrements” of finer education and articulate speech. However, that is what made him so attractive and relatable.

Let’s be reminded that it doesn’t take perfection to be used and to make a difference. Broken vessels are what He wants: Broken yet not destroyed. Humbled yet not proud. Dependent on HIM; not on ourselves.

 

 

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Don’t blame it on luck

Some would say I am unlucky. As I sit here writing these words, my left casted leg is propped up due to my need for elevation. Approximately one month ago, I was doing some step-ups and heard a loud pop as if someone had taken a bat to the back of my calf. Since I was alone when this happened, I knew it was not a wooden object whapping my leg. Fast-forward two days; sitting in the Dr.’s office, he informed me I had a full tear of my Achilles tendon. Peachy. I’m off my foot for many days and weeks. Looks like my luck ran out. Or did it? I had everything to do with this injury, and perhaps there was a bigger purpose for it. So, what is my take on luck? After doing some real research on the matter, I have concluded that it does not exist.

There is much more to luck and “un”luck than just coincidence. First, I need to discuss the idea of luck before I can launch into what this has to do with golf. Richard Wiseman, author of The Luck Factor, conducted a ten-year scientific study into the nature of luck, and it showed that people make their own good and bad fortune. He also noted that it is possible to enhance the amount of luck people encounter in their lives. In fact, he discovered four basic principles to people creating their luck in life. “They are skilled at creating and noticing chance opportunities, make lucky decisions by listening to their intuition, create self-fulfilling prophesies via positive expectations, and adopt a resilient attitude that transforms bad luck into good.“ (Wiseman) It sounds like luck is a state of mind that may be cultivated. Over the years he studied and interviewed countless numbers of people. Based on his findings, luck is not a magical ability or the result of random chance. “Although lucky and unlucky people have almost no insight into the real causes of their good and bad luck, their thoughts and behavior are responsible for much of their fortune.”

Many people think that much of golf involves luck. If you are a scratch golfer, you might like to believe that. Maybe you constantly complain about the wind or your clubs or the clubhouse or the greens or that tree in the way of your shot. When your ball bounces off some foliage and jumps out-of-bounds, it’s not unlucky. On the contrary, if your shot sails right through the thickest tree on the course, it’s not luck. Apart from winning the daily draw for a tee time on the Old Course at St. Andrews, or weather issues, there is no such thing as luck in golf either!

Think about it. You’re on the course, and you hit one of those “unlucky” shots. Next thing you know your mental state is agitated and somehow your countenance makes you nervous. That club and ball knows you feel this way and, like a dog, can sense your frustration. Now, they will not cooperate and you are getting angrier. You’ve let that “unlucky” shot get the best of you.  All these reactions will hurt your golf game. Maybe you’d start to feel like the golf gods were against you or the course is mad at you. Either way, you would probably not be in the right frame of mind to play well and you’d start thinking more about your bad luck than the shot you’re about to hit. Conversely, good luck can positively impact your state of mind as well.

According to Michael Agger of Slate Magazine,  “(with extremely few exceptions) the top 20 finishers benefitted from some degree of luck. But again, according to Wiseman, “lucky people” are skilled (did you catch that?) at creating and noticing chance opportunities, make lucky decisions by listening to their intuition, create self-fulfilling prophesies via positive expectations, and adopt a resilient attitude that transforms bad luck into good.” Now, if it was complete luck involved, golfers like, Zach Johnson, Steve Stricker, Peter Hanson, Bo Van Pelt, and Carl Pettersson, would be winning more trophies. Why are they not? According to Fred Altvater of bleacherreport.com, these players have performed in the big events and have earned their status in the golf world but are just under the radar and have yet to win for “whatever reason.” If we could get inside their minds, maybe we could diagnose why.

Graeme McDowell, not the usual household golfer name is being called “lucky.” Is he lucky? Just this past January, on the 18th hole at the Abu Dhabi HSBC Championship, McDowell hit his third shot far past the green only to see it bounce off the grandstand and roll back to just near a couple of feet of the cup. This Irishman would go on to birdie the hole. He had the “luck of the Irish.” The theory behind this slogan is many, but the Urban Dictionary defines the Irish as not necessarily luck they possess but an “attitude the Irish keep; they have a positive look at a bad situation. In fact, “The Irish didn’t survive a potato famine, and being treated as 3rd class citizens upon their arrival to the U.S. (till the mid-late 1900’s) by not having a positive outlook and a great sense of humor!”(urbandictionary.com)

It is true that golf is a psychological kick in the rear. Any of the top players, like Phil Mickelson, can bring his top golf skills to a tournament and lose. You wan watch all the Golf Channel you want, and be obsessed with your swing, your grip, your speed….but maybe think strategy. Think of your thinking. The luckiest people I know are those who set themselves up to win big and do just that!

So, the next time you are “unlucky” at your game, don’t blame it on luck – you caused the ball to react the way it did once it left your clubface. Take your penalty strokes and start gearing up for the next shot. That way, you won’t let an “unlucky break” undo your whole round. If luck exists or not, either way, the luck of the game will go your way if like, Wiseman concludes, you start cultivating the right state of mind. And me? I’m not unlucky; I need to re-think every little step I take.