The past few days, the storm rolled in with heavy gray skies, pounding rain…the kind that makes you want to stay curled up inside with a blanket. But not Tatum.
The second she spotted the rain splashing against the patio, she grabbed the umbrella, pulled on her tall boots, and was ready to go.
At first, she stood by the door with Coopy faithfully at her side, both of them staring out like two explorers debating their next adventure. With a quick grin back at me, she pushed the door open and stepped out into the storm.
The umbrella didn’t last long! It bent and flipped in the strong wind, finally giving up altogether. But that didn’t stop her. Boots sloshing through the puddles, hair plastered to her face, she danced in the middle of the downpour. Coopy and I watched from the window, smiling as she splashed with complete joy and freedom.
There’s something magical about moments like that. Kids don’t think about the mess or the inconvenience! NOPE…they just embrace the moment for what it is. Watching Tatum reminded me that sometimes, you just have to let go, step out into the storm, and dance. (I didn’t of course, but I thought about it..that counts, right?)
The broken umbrella might not have survived the day, but the memory of her laughter in the rain is something I’ll hold onto forever.
Lately, my body has been struggling in ways I never thought possible. Eating : something so simple and necessary: has become one of my biggest challenges. People take the most simplest things for granted. (or wish they could eat less) Severe bloating, delayed emptying, early satiety (feeling full too quickly), regurgitation, and unrelenting GI pressure have made it nearly impossible to get enough calories.
The official word for this is “gastroparesis”
a condition where the stomach empties far too slowly, almost like it’s paralyzed. I’m in the early stages, but it has been worsening over the last month. At one point, I had worked so hard to gain up to 105 pounds, which felt like such a victory. But the cost was daily vomiting. Now, eating has become even more difficult. Some days I barely reach 700 calories, and the fallout has been brutal: relentless fatigue, weakness, and weight loss.
The Bigger Picture
Through months of testing and conversations with my doctors, we’re uncovering the deeper story behind what’s going on.
This didn’t start with EoE. My eosinophilic esophagitis is more of a secondary finding not the root cause.
The real beginning may have been years ago, when I had to restrict my diet due to GI symptoms. That long-term under-eating left me with chronically low insulin levels. Today, I wear a continuous glucose monitor (CGM) to track my blood sugar because I was developing features of Type 1 diabetes. (One of the diagrams I’ve shared shows how GLP-1 and insulin tie into this picture.)
And, that my food will sit in stomach all day, and then I’ll take a Reglan with my dinner and motility will start. My BS will show it is digesting. Weird!! and Crazy! …interesting too. (and a relief)
Over time, my small intestine likely developed partial blockages and reduced motility, which explains that “stuck” sensation? …food just won’t move through as it should.
Mycotoxin exposure and immune activation piled on top of all this, adding layers of inflammation, fatigue, and weakness. Thankfully, that piece has mostly resolved.
So, while EoE is still present, it’s not the core problem. The true drivers are:
Long-term malnutrition from food restriction,
Motility breakdown, and
(Maybe? the toxic load I’ve carried along the way.
FLIPPING THE SCRIPT!!
On October 6th, I’m scheduled for an endoscopy with EndoFLIP a diagnostic test I’m actually excited about.
Here’s how it works:
Catheter placement – A thin catheter with a balloon at the tip is placed into the esophagus and stomach.
Controlled balloon filling – The balloon inflates in a very controlled way, while sensors inside measure what’s happening.
Recording and evaluation – The device captures real-time data on motility, pressure, and distensibility (how well the tissue stretches).
This will help my doctors see if my symptoms are being driven more by:
a mechanical blockage (something physically obstructing flow),
motility failure (muscles and nerves not working properly),
or both.
It’s an incredibly important step, because the results will guide treatment moving forward.
Where I Am Right Now
At the moment, my days look very different than they used to. My focus is simply on stabilizing:
Eating whatever and whenever I can tolerate ( the goal is to rebuild calories, not chase perfection).
Resting more than I ever have (and learning to accept that). (EEK!..so hard)
Using enzymes and motility support only when necessary.
Working closely with one of my doctors, who actually visits me at home every Saturday.
The ultimate goal? Regain weight and strength. For now, my target is to get back to 105 lbs (and more!) and stay there without constant setbacks.
I’ve come to realize that healing isn’t just about chasing one diagnosis; it’s about piecing together a complicated puzzle of causes, effects, and hidden layers. Gastroparesis may be one of the toughest chapters yet, but with each test and treatment, we’re uncovering more of the truth.
And truth, I’ve learned, is the another step toward healing. thank you Jesus for being WITH ME always. Thank you, Doug for BEING MY ROCK. Thank you, Tatum for being my joy daily (and my rock as well). I love you all to pieces.
Because I have this adorable kid. She still lights my day up with her imagination. I was reclined on her bed on Friday (my happy place), wearing my TENS stimulator (my happy machine), and she had her dolls set up, her teaching voice on, and her classroom all set up. She’s almost 13, and yet she still enjoys this.
Oh, and Cooper? He’s under the bed watching too. His toy, we call him Charlie, watched from the hallway. This little squeak giraffe creepily watches us as we relax. He’s just waiting for someone to throw him, squeak him, or chew him up. I told you he was creepy, staring….eek.
And then, Rio. Ribi. Ribi-boo….I adore this bird. He loves phone cases. Not phones. Cases. Chewable cases. He completely cheers me up. Taties too. “You are SOOO pretty. I love you.” (And he says it back)
KISS! And he kisses back (and says it!). THE CUTENESS!!! Thank you, God for my blessings even when I’m completely stuck. Stuck days (my stomach paralyzed) are not completely bluck days.
I remember the first time I heard Charlie Kirk on the radio. He was some 20-something articulately polished guest on the Dennis Prager show. I was instantly impressed with his boldness. He discussed Jesus openly without hesitation. He also discussed the importance of fathers, faith, and families. For such a young kid, he was impressive. Later, he became founder of Turning Point USA.
Kirk’s life and work were rooted in his Christian faith, which he embraced in fifth grade. He often spoke about the power of the Gospel, encouraging others to share their beliefs openly. Beyond politics, he urged young people to pursue faith, family, and purpose. He was known for welcoming dialogue, even with critics at campus rallies, Kirk sought to build bridges rather than fuel anger. But that didn’t matter to the evil.
September 10th, 2025 at Utah Valley University, he was assassinated. Ruthlessly. Shot in the neck. The DEVIL is at work. His impact on young Americans was profound.
I pray his impact lasts. I pray his legacy carries on. I pray for this country to somehow have more grace for each other. I pray the DEVIL to FLEE. God Bless this Country and God Bless the Kirk family.
Sometimes we just need to focus on unifying. Cooper watches closely, wondering what Rio will do as he hides under the bed…
because everyone knows Rio is the alpha bird. Then Coopy playfully chases Bluebell, curious if maybe he could be the alpha of this bird instead! Meanwhile, Ollie observes it all from his perch, taking it in.
In another corner, Dad and Tatum are trading texts so they can talk more…
a sweet reminder that connection takes many forms. At the heart of it all, it’s about being together, sharing space, and caring for one another in our own unique ways.