I don’t like the idea of resolutions because it puts a lot of pressure on oneself to completely rehaul and revise their lives. With me, I am already on the path of newness and recovery, so for me, it’s going to be keep doing what I’m doing but add some new ideas to the mix.
We started the day out making our plans for the year.
I bought these fake coins to help Tatum keep track of her screen time.
Let’s see how this goes! I just want her to be more mindful.
Then the three of us sat down to be reflective of last year’s goals and make new ones.
Tatum has some simple goals, and I like them because they are doable! We met with my cousin Kasey and my aunt Connie today, and so adding these times will be key for our new year. HOPEFULLY BIRDING!!!!
My honey has some revised ones too.
Mine again include the following. I am going to add these books since Kas and Morgan suggested them (and are reading them too)
Tatum wanted to add eating more lamb. SHE LOVES MY MEATBALLS and always does the happy dance.
May 2025 be wonderful and blessed. I love you, Jesus!
January started out with an immense amount of hope. Little did I know it would also be the end of many things. Vacations, dates, school, and well, quality of life as I knew it.
I had just been given a diagnosis of Colitis, and with that, I found an answer to guide me. This came in the form of a Dr. who would coach and guide me. It started out with a bang if you will. However, I did start to have some strange effects with my ears. I was put on Predinsone and Zithromax in thinking I had an ear infection or labyrinthitis. I also went to see an ENT and neurologist. These issues worsened as the year went on, but we weren’t sure if they were stemming from the gut or some other area of my body. I developed GERD and some horrific gut issues which superseded any SIBO or other I had faced in the past few years. And with this (due to the steroids probably or something (!!!??) which would begin the…)
This started the JOURNEY. The ADVENTURE (if you will)
Dr. Jordan Peterson has discussed the issue of the MESS. “The more mess at hand that you can see the more opportunity that’s there. OPPORTUNITY??!” (Huberman Podcast Dec 2024)
In his class, he has students do a project to find something around their neighborhood or family that isn’t set right and see if it could get set right. WHAT CAN HAPPEN!!? You GROW UP like MAD and you learn to become more patient and humble.
IT EITHER MAKES YOU OR BREAKS YOU.
The journey began after the unraveling of my health in February 2024. I thought I had hit rock bottom with SIBO and dysbiosis, losing over 20 lbs. But now, we were on a whole new level of suffering. The “quest” to find the answer (to the “MESS”) became my sole purpose.
Enter the Cancel Culture
Every Sunday, I used to sit down and make a plan for my week. Who will I contact for a coffee date? Who will I text to check on? What can we do as a family? What will be our dinners? Etc. I always have an AIM. A GOAL. A PLAN. Why? Because it gives me a sense of purpose and “giving back.”
Symptoms would become more and more debilitating. TO the point of “will I be able to function today?” I wouldn’t know until that morning. So plans began to wane as I would have to cancel last minute. (THAT KILLED ME as I am a planner and one who can be relied upon). But making plans was out the window. My soul would begin to ache as I would have to change my whole way of life. No longer could I look forward to vacations, dates, friendships, ministry opportunities. I would have to savor the moment and smell the roses in front of me. WOW. It would challenge me to the core.
Life got more complicated
Tatum developed some health issues, and we made a decision as a family for her to be homeschooled; Right smack dab in the middle of me not being able to be …well, ME! MY PASSION is to TEACH yet God would put me in the midst of my passion without being able to be passionate with my actions. My heart would ache as I lay in my bed wanting to be the BEST teacher for Tatum. (Coopster would comfort me) (big smile here)
Then there’s my Doug. My husband who I married till death due us part.
I felt the “Death” of me and who I was as a wife and mother. Mysterious symptoms with no answers would haunt me daily, as he hungered to have his wife present, all I could muster was fixing his meals and a measly conversation after him coming home from work. My energy would be used on research, teaching Tatum, and just existing.
Would I be taken seriously by ANYONE? Would anyone get it? Could I find a doctor who would hear my symptoms and help me find the ROOT CAUSE? Or would we continue down the road of bandaids, more tests, and more frustration. (AND THE QUEST TO FIND OUT WHAT IS CAUSING ALL OF THIS!!??)
November: Endoscopy: 3 biopsies of the esophagus.: I had 15 on the left side of esophagus
December: Allergist (thank you Dr. Koenigsberg!) and GI Doc (Shaheen): Got put on Budesonide and Dupixent
December: MRT test showing YELLOW foods only ! (no red means my gut is not leaky! YAY!)
19. December: CT and MRI scan of sinuses to see if EAR issue (MORE TO COME HERE!)
Dr. Katz, Dr. Patel, Dr. Dasari, Dr. Ruiz, 2 Endocrine docs (for thyroid and diabetes scare), Thyroid Queen (for hormones and thyroid), Dr. Bracher, Dr. Shaheen, Dr. Koenigsberg, and Dr. Killian (Neuro), and Dr. Bartell (ENT).SHEESH!
It’s exhausting. I’m exhausted. Tatum and Doug are totally exhausted. Could all of this…nausea and regurgitation and WOOZINESS be stemming from EOE? My gut? Or was there an inner ear issue? Some doctors chalked it up to me being in need of emotional support or even an antidepressant. That just broke me in half because I felt completely disregarded. Doug and Tatum would know I’m not making this up and I’m not DEPRESSED!
Highlights and serendipities
We discovered what was wrong at least in my gut. EOE. It’s called Eosinophil Esophagitis. FINALLY. Dr. Shaheen would help me and refer me to an Allergist who would put me on
A $6000/month medicine we got for FREE with her help writing the RX correctly and a COPAY program. JUST WOW.
With watching me struggle daily, Tatum has had her own bout of health struggles. I won’t go into detail here, but suffice it to say it was enough to bring her home from school. I had no idea how this would go as with each day I’d have to pretty much wing it. (sad face) Well, I watched her BLOSSOM.
Her writing would explode with creativity, voice, rhythm, maturity, and style (and her presentations)
Her ability to self monitor and be self-disciplined would be challenged yet grow
Her love and compassion for others would quadruple as she started to volunteer in special needs ministries. Also in the nursery at church. She is a NATURAL NURTURER
Her responsibility in taking care of not only RIO but our new OLLIE would abound.
Her frustration level with math and other challenging subjects would wane and she would pray more. (leading people to Christ)
We would begin the hunt for the RIGHT provider to help her with her health. (AND FIND ONE!)
She’d start strength training!
She would start a YOUTUBE channel to “channel” her creativity and display her love of God.
She’s playing so much piano!
For me, well, I had a few goodies happen too! I was part of a group of ladies called ENRICH where we met often to discuss leadership, goals, and becoming a true disciple through a lens of loving and growing with others. WOW. I met some phenomenal women!
Our small group grew closer and I have met a few TRUE friends who would pray for me and support me (and who I COULD LOVE ON AND PRAY FOR!!)
Also, my FOREVER friends (they know who they are) still are around and we continue to talk. I may not see them often, but our friendship is FOREVER!!!
My brother and Dolly (big squeeze to them) would call me often, and these relationships continue to grow!!
My mom started taking UBER and it has really opened up many opportunities for her. She and I continue to grow our relationship, and I’m so very grateful for her!! xoxox
I drew a few new art pieces. I will continue to draw because in it I get lost, and I also “overcome” the difficulties since this isn’t my natural talent.
I was honored to have an opportunity to speak to a group of teachers at a local school about my PASSION (from my dissertation: Writing Across the Curriculum). God opened the window that day, and I was SYMPTOMLESS. What a true blessing and it was totally run by HIM. I also continue to speak for GCU as an “expert!” (me!?)
Teaching is my passion. This never changes. I LOVE to give back at GCU and also to COYOTE (Tatum’s coop homeschool group)> And of course to my Tot. It’s truly an honor and a blessing….feeding into my own child. (and discipling her)
Doug
What happens when you begin an “adventure” or quest to find the “answers!?” Well, you assemble a team. Doug became my president. He would be present at all of my appointments. He’d pay for everything without question. He’d cry with me. BUT MOST IMPORTANT: HE became a prayer warrior. I know he’d leave for work feeling completely helpless. But at work, he’d spend each hour in prayer; and I felt it. HIS relationship with JESUS would grow. Our relationship? Perhaps it fell a bit in terms of romance and excitement. But in other ways it grew due TO THE STRUGGLE> This is what James calls “Call it all JOY that when you struggle, you develop perseverance.” (James 2)
He is the most patient man. (like Job). I’m so BLESSED. SO blessed!
Neuroplasticity
One of the benefits (?!) of being so ill is that you are forced to make changes. Sometimes in order to make a change and learn something new, you have to hit bottom (as for me, my health) and change ways. Now, it’s not a requirement, but if you want to grow and get better (no matter if it’s physical, mental, spiritual) it requires some sacrifice. This is where the beauty of design of God’s creation, our BRAINS, comes in handy! Andrew Huberman spoke extensively on this rewiring endeavor, and he pointed out that error-making is FUNDAMENTAL to growth. Many FEAR this, and give up too quickly. Well, for me, I had to learn many new things this year. For example, I went on many elimination diets and new ways of eating. It would take me about two weeks before I could wrap my head around making meat stock, for cryin’ out loud!
Why did I fear it so?! Or, making sauerkraut…or kefir or yogurt! Heck, they make it look so easy! But, again, when you are desperate, you WILL LEARN. I see that now as a benefit. I COULD learn and change! That is what neuroplasticity is all about. We can BECOME BETTER AND GROW! We just can’t give up in the midst of the struggle and not be afraid of making mistakes. Then the dopamine really kicks in! (Ha!)
Becoming Others-Centered
Being housebound and feeling so sick every day, you tend to become completely focused on the “TASK AT HAND” and that is: “WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME AND LET ME SOLVE THIS!” (as Peterson would task his students with). It becomes an obsession. From the outside, it looks as if I’m completely self-absorbed. But I know better. I know that all of this learning and isolation is leading me to a higher plane. A place of HELPING others (someday). I know this all has a higher purpose as I live by Romans 8:28 (All things work together for GOOD…HIS GOOD (for those who love HIM.) Oh, and I LOVE HIM!
Throughout this whole year I’ve experienced a gamut of emotions ranging from rage to apathy. Sadness, discouragement, frustration….complete and total despair. BUT, through it all, I’ve never left my first love. HIM. I know from the depth of my soul, that this will be made into something great. That HE WILL USE THIS FOR HIS GOOD, and something will be made into something so much bigger than me.
I continue to pray:
The Outlook
2025 promises to be bright. We have come so far and learned so much. I’ve lost many acquaintances but not true friends. They have stuck by me and have weathered this with me…with patience and understanding. My husband, daughter, and mom have been amazing. I’m not going to sit here with a big game plan of goals and dreams, as I plan to take it one day at a time. However, I do have hope, and I do have a true TEAM of people cheering us on. I even got a new look to welcome in the new year.
Tatum will continue to thrive. Doug will continue to grow in leadership and with God, and we’ll grow too. Stay tuned. God, you’re definitely not done with me yet.
