Month: July 2023

Tatum wants to take over the shopping at Trader Joe’s. She wants me to give her the list, and she would get all the groceries. I figured I’d do the produce and meats, and she’d do the rest. I love TJ’s because it’s small enough I don’t have to worry about her safety AND they all know her there.

OK, list in hand (oh and Woody)

Ready….set

Let’s SHOP!

You got it, Tot!
She did great. This year, she’ll start making her own lunches too.

AAAH! She’s growing UP.
You got it, Tot!
She did great.

My heart is filled with so many emotions. We tend to think some emotions are not healthy like sadness, depression, or guilt. However, they really are all just that: emotions. It’s what we do with that emotion that makes it healthy or not.

This summer has been filled with this emotion: Sadness and guilt. Sadness because my body is just not where I want it to be; it’s truly in a suffering state about 23 hours out of 24. D.A.I.L.Y. With that, guilt comes because I cannot be that active, serving, vital, totally present mom/wife/daughter that I want to be…or that I feel I NEED to be. I struggle with God’s purpose in all of this and seek answers which is truly emotionally just EXHAUSTING.

But, through it all, I have this man and this girl. Doug and Tatum. They are the ones who are steadfast. Doug, D.A.I.L.Y, encourages me and tells me how madly in love with me he is. (?!?)

And Tot…dear sweet Tot, tells me every minute that she just wants to be with me. NO MATTER WHAT.

So, I take it ONE day at a time, and I’m learning to release my burdens and my complete and utter frustrations to HIM> It’s so hard, and I just don’t know what He’s teaching me, but I do trust that He has a plan. Meanwhile, my family becomes tighter and tighter.

AND…Tatum tells me daily:

MOMMY, if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t want to be a Special Needs mom, help in Foster Care or write this story.

She is writing a story for Focus on the Family (Average Boy)

Stay tuned for the FINAL. It’s called Broken leads to Bonding.

My family. My God. MY ROCKS.

Her LO, Eliana, will be ONE in a few days!
We brought her over some of our puzzles, and she was in heaven!

We are so grateful for our friendship with Melissa.

Woody wants out to comfort his mommy:

But with she being on my lap, and her BABY, she was perfectly brave.

Now, let’s go home and see COOPY who is waiting for us.

He’s kinda the underdog (no pun intended) with our pets. The unsung hero…and Woody and Coopy A.D.O.R.E him!
Woody just wanted to be near him.

Coopy? He’s right there next to him.

We love you so much DADDY!

She is maturing, learning, and thriving!
With all the challenges of our health this summer, we still continue to make the best of it.

Here is just a sample of her test 6!
Sure, her grammar is growing, her timed math continues to be faster, and look at her goals. Gosh.

She told me that (because of me) she wants to do more with adoption and foster care. SHE CANNOT wait to be a mommy! That is the biggest compliment she could give me. You see, often (actually daily), I am filled with so much guilt because I cannot necessarily travel right now or even play with her with any type of gusto. The best I can do is just be present, read with her, draw, and lots of talking/sharing/laughing/crying. You know what? She tells me that is more valuable than gold. It’s not the roller coaster/beach/fancy restaurants that hold the memories (although fun), but it’s the just being present as she goes through her growing years (to navigate her many emotions).

I am honored to be your mommy. XXOO

Last year this time, Tatum and I partook of a “girl’s”night at the Fairmont Princess Hotel in Scottsdale. We swam, played in the arcade, and had a fancy Toro dinner. This year, we decided to repeat it; I hoped to got two days, but with mom being in the facility right now, her needs are daily and HIGH!

So…..we got out of dodge, leaving Daddy and Coopy to enjoy some male bonding. Right?

We arrived around 2 with Woody in hand…

And the beauty of the premises began to inflate us with excitement!

We waited in the check-in line…a LONG time, come to find out their system was down.

Thank goodness they had water cartoons dressed up as milk and cool shades.

We figured we’d head to the arcade to play a bit while they got our room ready, and OH MY, my whole childhood came flooding back to me!

When I was young, I used to save my quarters so when I arrived home from school, I could head next door to the grocery store to play….

YES!! THIS! Tatum immediately jumped on, and I had flashbacks. It’s so fun to see your kid enjoy things you did as a kid!

They had my second fav….CENTIPEDE! Srsly!

Tatum enjoyed more of the video games while we just waited waited waited for our room!

Woody and I just hung out.

The text! IT ARRIVED! Ok, we hit the lobby, (for a few more pics…the summer themes is groovy music!)

ah…one more!

then…the elevators, the million mile walk meandering through the grounds to Bldg B and 4087. Praise Jesus we found it because at 115 degrees, we melted.

POOOOOOOOOOL!

and the piece de’resistance! SAAAAAAALIIIIIIIIDING into DA POOOOOL! (x 500 times; mind you I went ONCE. YAY me!

Around 5, we headed to our room to get all gussied up for dinner. Last year, black. This year, peach!

Like I said before, the theme was music all over the hotel, so we capitalized on the pics everywhere. OH the memories of vinyl and tapes. Tatum has not idea, but she enjoyed reminiscing with me.

Let’s go 80’s! Wham, Culture Club, Duran Duran…YES! My Walkman was used for hours upon hours, and I memorized every word to every song. (I recorded my records ONTO the tapes)

And then the 90’s and CD’s. I missed the sound of records, but CD’s were a fun coaster to use after they became obsolete.

The wonderful limo shuttle came to get us, but first, we had a few pics! She is so beautiful, my date!

We match! Oh my cutie little pie!

Ok, TORO, now we are here, and we remembered our last year visit. (on the left) and NOW! (right)

More scenery on the golf course. Note that it is a ghost town at 115 cool degrees HA!

And our table:

We ordered TOT a sparkling cherry Shirley Temple and some sashimi to start. But first, we just talked…like REALLY talked. I shared my heart about my gut journey, and she shared hers about how it has been to live with this. Her maturity has blossomed, and I felt like I was with my best friend.

We both had a salad, and split a filet with broccoli and bok chop. Oh, it was sooooo good!!!! Sashimi was hamachi, ahi, and salmon.

Let’s try out these chopsticks; did it work? I won’t tell, but do know that she tried with all her might. (on her salad which was funny to watch).

It all melted in our mouth.

Sadly, next to us was a family with two kids. They both had personal iPads to watch while the parents ate. Why even go out to dinner? argh….

MANGO SORBET. Why? Because it matched our outfits. (the real reason? The only dairy/gluten free option HA!)

We rolled out to the shuttle waiting area and collapsed. Worth every bite and tittle. YUMMMM and so much fun to just BE with my Tot.

Arriving at our hotel, we took the long route back on purpose. (ergh!) Well, we did meet a friend on the way.

We stayed up late reading our blog book (from when she was 2) and talking. It was fabulous not to worry about Coopy or the clock. The next morning, we hit the gym, had some coffee and headed home.

I missed my HHH, but it was worth our time together away from distractions. She is growing up in so many ways; especially in her wisdom and senses of humor. The last year, it was completely different. Last year, we had many little hiccups of her trying to exert her independence, but this year, she was so much more GWTF (go with the flow). AND we just talked all through, rationally and unemotionally. Tatum, I adore you and I ADORE spending time with you. Till our next GIRL’S vaca!