To Mow or not to Mow

Mowing the lawn at 10:00 AM is too early and much too strenuous for many husbands. However, did you ever notice that it seems to be a lot easier for them to get up at 6:00 AM to play golf? The dense fog, rain conditions, or scorching heat doesn’t even seem to deter them. I found it amazing how my friends’ husbands who never helped out around the house had no problem replacing their divots, repairing their ball marks, and raking their sand traps.

This led me to ponder what it was about the game of golf that makes some so crazily obsessed. Is it the fact that one gets to ride around in a cart, drink beer, eat hot dogs, and do some male bonding? Maybe it was a chance to get closer to God, because on Sun- days you sure see many men out on the course, and they are doing lots of praying!

So why do men really choose to play golf? And, why would a woman want to start? According to Debbie Steinbach Keller from Venus Golf, “men choose to play golf because it’s a challenge and there is a conquerable ‘enemy’ to attack and beat.” In fact, most men do little chatting while they play because they are not multi-taskers. For women, it’s much more personal and social. Women like the relational aspect of the game. Perhaps it’s a way for her to bond with her husband, her friends, or a potential mate. Women seem to be able to chat, laugh, and even swing at the same time.

Now that I have some time on my hands, I figured it was time to see what all the fuss was about. Purchasing a set of clubs and finding a good instructor was my first step. This required doing some research, and if you’re serious, the information is out there. However, when you don’t know what you don’t know, it’s difficult to know what kinds of questions to ask. I started watching the Golf Channel and talking to various people who seemed to be knowledgeable about the sport. Through my discussions, however, I have discovered that the less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing. So, I have chosen to stay loyal to my instructor and not seek others for advice.

As my lessons have progressed, I have found my athleticism to be virtually irrelevant because the game of golf seems to be 90% mental and 10% mental. It requires a dedication of focus, relaxation, and much patience. Who has all that!? But what a life les- son it provides. This is the mentally challenging part; if I over think my swing, I ruin it. So I try to never keep more than three hundred separate thoughts in my mind during my swing.

So let’s get back to the 10:00 AM lawn mowing dilemma. Who really wants to ever mow a lawn, regardless of what time it is.And who am I to tell a man that raking a sand trap isn’t fun? In other words, I don’t have an answer for you—afterall, I am not an advice columnist! But before all the wives start to email and call, let me just say that I am on your side—that lawn needs to be mowed. I am think- ing it’s a prime opportunity for some compromise. You get something, he gets something and you get another thing and then we are all happy! But seriously, whether the challenge is to ‘conquer the enemy’, have a fun day on the links, or manicure the yard, I am finding that perspective is required. And I learned about this perspective on the links. For that I have to be grateful to the game of golf.

The Golfer’s Guide to Marital Bliss

1. Get out of the Sand trap

About a month ago, I was hacking away, as usual, playing golf with a dear friend. The sunset was threatening our hopeless game, and I hit my 17th hole shot into a deep sand trap. Slowly, I stepped into the sand, and next thing you know, I’m laying flat on my back. So, my not so smooth game just became worse as my foundation slid and allowed me to collapse.

 

Everything goes along smoothly for a while, then one day, out of the blue, you hit a sand trap. It can be something uncomplicated like my fall, or it can be huge, even threaten a relationship.

*wince* “But I ask him every day to pick up his socks…. He just won’t….  He can’t seem to…. I’ve asked him _______ly! (insert verb ex: nice, beg, sweet, angry).” Has any of it worked? Probably not.

First, I must ask if this is a hill on which you want to die? Is this an issue that you can change or is it something that you can let go?  Guess what? You cannot change your spouse.

So, you can choose to stay in the sand trap and continue to whack away at that ball, while sand blows in your face…OR…. You can choose to accept the situation and work with it. Maybe try a different strategy like using your sand wedge and gently pitch the ball instead of whacking it with full force.

2. Carrying A Load

Sometimes you need to let it go. Maybe you need to take the cart for a while and put the bag down. Your bag of clubs can get pretty heavy mostly when you stash old Kit Kat wrappers, broken tees and loose change in the pockets. Are you holding on to the stuff in the side pockets dealing with past hurts, issues or anger?

Apparently, A new study shows that carrying your golf clubs and walking 18 holes of golf may have a negative affect on your golf swing and performance as you play 18 holes which was presented at the 55th American College of Sports Medicine. Proof positive that all that baggage may be detrimental to your health. Not only that but another source was noted to say that carrying your clubs reduces your height by 0.2mm!  If you are carrying a load of anger and resentment, you need to place park your bag, get in the cart with your mate, and talk it out. Otherwise you’ll be a short, exhausted human being.

3. Lost Ball? The Five-Minute Rule

 

So, you have hit your ball somewhere in the parking lot. No, maybe it is in the field next door among the bristles or perhaps it is among the pile of leaves along the clubhouse. Hmmmm. You have five minutes to find it. GO…! Now, you may not find it in that five minutes, and if you don’t it’s a one stroke penalty to the score.

 

Are the conversations with your mate one-sided? Maybe she or he does ALL the talking and you sit there repeating, “Yes Dear..” Maybe you should try asking questions! Moreover, when your spouse gives you an answer, delve deeper. Give this a try for a minimum of five minutes to start. Ask your spouse how he/she feels and then listen. Listen without giving advice or reacting emotionally. Try to understand life from his/her perspective. Then demonstrate your understanding by summarizing what you’re hearing. If you spend at least five minutes a day asking questions and expressing genuine interest in his/her ideas or thoughts, you might find your missing ball.

4. “FORE!”

Look out ahead! Now there are times in the marriage when you need to just take one day at a time and enjoy the ride; however, you should plan for things to do together. Take initiative to spend time with your spouse. Don’t wait for your spouse to make a date with you or to set time to talk with you. Suggest it yourself. Do you go out on dates? Do you sit down at the beginning of the week or month and take some time to plan? Families that play together, stay together.

 

If you don’t do this and take initiative, “Fore” may be what you really hear; you are in “danger” zone of not connecting lately. Don’t let this go by. Take ACTION!

Connection has to happen daily, let alone weekly and monthly. However, you can avoid the big problems if you take care of communicating and dating as much as possible.

5. Evaluate your swing

Guess what? You have faults! Sorry to break it to you, but you aren’t perfect. People with strong character are aware of their faults and work to better themselves. Now, if I know you, and if you are like any red-blooded human being, you could probably work on something in your life. To have a good swing, for example, you need to have

  • Patience
  • Commitment
  • Practice
  • A bit of Luck

To have a good marriage, you need to have… guess what? The same four things (if not more).  Maybe it’s time to evaluate your swing. Take some time and look in the mirror to find some weakness YOU possess. If you work on that, maybe your marriage will improve. Remember, character is built from humility.

 

6. Take a Mulligan when needed

When I was a child, my favorite phrase as the “Double Dutch Champion of Pueblo Road” was “Do over!” What a relief to know I could try again and better my time. When a player messes up or “muffs” his or her first try at a tee box, he/she can take a mulligan. Who would have imagined that grown-ups have this opportunity. The idea of mulligan in marriage reminds me of GRACE. Have grace with your mate. Sometimes we need a real do over when we make a mistake. I recently read, In, The Grace Wakening, Chuck Swindoll calls grace “the oil that lessens the friction in marriage.”  But, it must be mutual. One cannot be the ball and the other the club. They both are active and part of the work.

 

7. The Spirit of the Game

Unlike many sports, golf relies on the integrity of the individual to show kindness for other players. All players should behave in a disciplined manner, demonstrating courtesy at all times. This is the spirit of the game.  As in golf, in marriage (and any relationship!) kindness goes along ways to create warmth and positive feelings in a relationship. Every day there are opportunities for undemanding, kind gestures that show you care. The smallest thing like a compliment or a hug can make any marriage better.

Once again, the game of golf provides valuable lessons for life. Will these seven tips invite bliss into your home? Follow these rules, just like with your game, and your marriage will turn into a hole-in-one.

Dad’s Instruction Book

Dad’s Little Instruction Book on Life (AKA Golf)

As I have been chatting with women in golf as of late, I have found that Dads are full of it….wisdom that is. I also realized they all encouraged their daughters to get out there and play life’s hardest sport. These women shared some of the other wonderful pieces of advice they learned from their fathers. The following are 10 Life Instructions from Dads. Best of all, these little “instructions” can be learned on the golf course. Thanks, Dad!

If it were easy, everybody would do it. Think about it. A hundred and forty-four people play in the tournament, and a hundred and forty-three of them are not going to win. Ouch. The game chews you up, spits you out, and tramples all over you. There are only a few who can get back up over and over again after being pummeled by that little white ball. It’s those “Weebley” people who continually get knocked down and pop back up who are the winners.

Watch a sunrise at least once a year.

What idiot gets up at the crack of 0’dark thirty and tees it up? A golfer does.
And they get the beauty of seeing every beautiful sunrise. Who’s the idiot now?

Treat everyone you meet as you want to be treated.

Have you ever realized that the etiquette golfers show to one another on the course is one
of the things that distinguishes golf from all other sports? Golf etiquette
is an extremely important part of the game. Your manners and character (or the lack thereof) that you display on the course will say more about you as a golfer and a person than anything you ever do with your clubs. Proper etiquette applies to everyone and does not discriminate.

Make new friends but cherish the old ones.

Golf is truly a game unlike any other, from the diverse and unique people that you meet, to the memo- rable moments that you have out on the course. Sue Wieger, a local golf pro, says that, “Golf has given me so many gifts in my lifetime; travel, great friends on and off the golf course and a sense of connecting with my authentic self while playing.”

Don’t waste time learning the “tricks of the trade.” Instead, learn the trade.

Are you one of those people who try to find the secret to playing better golf? Good news, you can stop looking. Bad news, you just have to play. That’s the secret.

Be brave and keep your cool.

Even if you’re not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference. Even the best PGA Tour players lose their cool, but losing your cool can cost you big-time. One of the most difficult aspects of life…I mean the game of golf…. is main- taining a calm, steady and persistent demeanor. For those who really know the dynamics of a powerful swing, maintaining a relaxed body and mind is what good golf is really all about.

Never cheat.

Right now you are thinking…. of course, I would NEVER cheat. I have one word for you: Mulligan. Now, there is a difference between cheating and bending the rules. In golf, there are RULES and then there are rules to be bent. So you take a first-tee mulligan…big deal. Maybe on one hole you don’t feel like trudging back to the tee to hit another. Instead, you take a stroke and drop a ball as if you were in some kind of water hazard. Again, no big deal. And perhaps you lip-out and pick-up, rather than tapping your last putt in – I wouldn’t mind; this isn’t the pros! So, if you ARE one of those rulebook holy rollers, then A: You are a professional or B: You need a life. Have some fun, but know the difference be- tween cheating and bending the rules.

Never take action when you’re angry.

Be angry, yet do not play golf. OR, sign up for anger management by taking solo golf lessons. Golfing will reveal IF you even have any anger issues; trust me! No one is able to avoid poor shots, BUT, you can control the reaction. Is this not true for life also? Make an effort to take in the scenery, converse with your playing partners, enjoy the outdoors, anything that enables you to not take your score so seriously. Maybe this will be the antidote for dealing with your issues altogether!

Stay humble.

To say “golf is hard” is like saying “the sky is blue” or “the world is round.” It’s self-evident. My dad would always say this about life as well, and he would never let me forget the point. But he wanted me to under- stand golf (like life) is something that NEVER gets perfected. The moment you think you have golf/life whipped, the game/life slaps you down and humbles you. Be secure and confident in yourself, stay grateful, and when you least expect it, you’ll shoot farther and straighter then you ever have.

AND FINALLY……

Laugh…..A LOT.

Golf really is hilarious. It is guaranteed that you will feel something when you play golf. Follow me here: Logically, the majority of your emotions (which golf WILL produce) are processed by the hypothalamus, the region in your brain that handles a range of functions from breathing and to hunger and emotional response. After hitting that not so perfect shot, you can either cry or laugh, right? Try to find the humor in your situation. In golf, if you can laugh the shot off you will immediately release the tension and start to feel better.

The Golfer Wears Prada

Something has to change. Yes, it’s a new year, and a chance to do ONE thing differently. However, if you Google “Golf New Year’s Resolutions,” you will uncover over 100 million results! Sheesh! Suffice to say, you may be expecting to read an article about what you should do to tweak your swing, putt, or grip. Well, I hate to burst your golf bubble, but it’s no secret that you’re basically not going to significantly change the WAY you play the game of golf, but maybe there is one thing you can change; how you look doing it!

SMILE

Stop “caring”. Stop “trying”. Just play. The irony is you’ll actually play better anyway. Life isn’t an emergency. Smile. It takes far fewer muscles to smile than to frown.

LOOK DOWN

That’s right. Look at what you have on–are you wearing the same comfort- able old pair of baggy khakis and your ultra-cool yellow waffle shirt? Please! Do us all a favor and get something more edgy. Did you know that what you wear has a direct influence – not just on how others perceive you – but on how you see yourself? In a study, it was determined that university students outperformed their shabby competitors by a long shot. I’m a great believer in the saying, “look the part, play the part”.

Many men may think they are being a bit effeminate if they spend even the tiniest amount of brain energy on what they wear. They want comfort, of course! But, how many women do you know who put on makeup and wear stilettos because they are “so comfortable?” Women know that what they wear has a direct influ- ence on their confidence in the game of life, and moreover helps them to perform at their true potential.

Now think about it….if you feel good and sophisticated when you are playing, don’t you think you’d logically perform better? Start dressing the part and you may start playing the part! Walking through miles and miles of green and knowing that it’s all up to you whether you will win or lose your game is stressful. It takes a lot of guts to hold that pressure and be victori- ous. To gain these “guts” you need to be confident! Maybe looking down at your clothing and getting a bit of fashion “guts” is a fine place to start. As you master the art of dressing appropri- ately, you’ll continue to experiment in what you wear. Given that there is an “assumed code” on what you may wear on the green, you will learn how to be able to beef up your wardrobe with- out being disrespectful to the game.

Haven’t you noticed how Tiger Woods established red as his color? Other players settle for a sensible pair of Stromberg Golf Quinta Funky Prince of Wales Check Trousers. Some choose to play in snazzy white and bright orange Puma golf shoes while others settle for subtle hints of interesting prints. Why don’t you check out some of the available clothing lines? ). Have no fear men–you can do all this viewing in the privacy of your own computer. Take a look at Sligo Wear (www.sligowear.com) or the op- tions from Bunker Mentality (www. bunker-mentality.com). There is always the wacky Loudmouth Golf (www.loudmouthgolf.com) or even Tattoo Golf (www.tattoogolf.com).

LOOK GOOD

Golf advice is a dime a dozen! You’ll find countless websites with advice and tips to tackle this year. Peter Jacobsen said it best: “One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. No matter what you shoot – the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin all over again and make yourself into some- thing.” SO maybe this year start with looking groovy on the outside, and perhaps your look will give you that confidence to stay strong when you’re ready to throw your five iron into the lake.

Gratitude and Golf

Gratitude begins the holiday season, and frankly, should be carried throughout the year. With Christmas and New Year’s around the corner, perhaps an attitude adjustment could do us all a favor. By the time you read this, it will be the season of consump- tion, over-spending, and debt accumu- lation. But as the writer of this article, I want you to adopt this gratitude attitude, and carry it throughout the year. So, here is a friendly reminder by considering the game of golf. Now, I know what you’re thinking.

How can I possibly be thankful for the fact that the course I enjoy is over- priced, my clubs need upgrading, and I need to “swing THROUGH the ball, not at it!”? Yes, you might want the latest Callaway driver or the newest high-MOI mallet putters (sorry to tempt you), but STOP. Sit back and count your blessings.

How can you be thankful for the game? How has it impacted your life? If you can’t seem to think right now because you are obsessing about that shot that went water- bound this morning, perhaps you need an attitude adjustment.

Here are some reasons to be grateful for this game!

1. It’s A Healthy Activity

Ok, so you can’t run 10 miles, 5 days a week anymore. Your knee is shot, your back is giving you fits, and clipping your toenails is an effort. But, you can get pretty fit walking
18 holes. Golf keeps your competitive fires burning and helps keep you well rounded by forcing you to stay away from your cell, to people watch and to enjoy nature. (Yes, there
are birds to be seen and heard).

Some don’t notice the rewards of what golf offers until they are much older with perhaps knee transplants; it’s the one thing that keeps you out of the lounge chair and out near nature.

2. You Get In Touch With Your Emotions

You will laugh

You will cry

You will get angry

You will find joy

3. You Can Release Stress

The key to golf is relaxation. Ironically, the less you play, the more relaxed you are because you have such low expectations. You don’t expect to play well, so you don’t over think or over swing. (No wonder I have been so relaxed lately!!) If you are playing often, however, golf refreshes

your mind because it forces you to focus your energies on a “target not a ball!” (as my instructor preaches).

4. It Teaches Life Lessons

Just when you say, “I got it!”, you get pummeled. Yes, humility is part of golf; it kicks your butt just when your head needs a little shrinking.

There are also memorable moments which are built on the golf course. Have you ever hit a shot that you can re- member the play by play? This teaches us to appreciate the little things.

And finally, meeting people you would have otherwise never en- countered occurs on golf courses daily. What a beautiful setting to just connect with a stranger. Not many other events can bring people in harmony, and this comes from having manners with strangers one learns by being on a golf course.

5. It Builds Relationships

I am reminded of a friend who told me that he created such a strong bond with his father through golf, and he would not trade that for any- thing! Now he’s creating that same bond with his children. Also, some women find that is a way to connect with their husbands and vice versa. Where else can you have four solid hours in a natural setting with people you love (or are trying to love!)

6. It Doesn’t Age Discriminate

Where else could a 75-year-old man school a 28-year-old in a sport- ing event? Golf is the great equalizer: everyone can compete on an equal level. It is about skill levels, not about race, gender, religion, or anything else.

Just remember: “PLAY” golf. I love the word “play.” Yes, adults we are, but as adults we need to be kids on occasion. Golf is not about being perfect. It’s about constantly setting a new bar for ourselves, and this can be a picture into the rest of our lives: We can always strive to be better! So be grateful and PLAY more golf.

Golf is the Grand Irony

Have you ever wondered why it is so difficult for people nowadays to sit for 30 seconds without having to tweet, post, blog, text, or search? But, usually the most mentally tough golfers, according to Mr. Quote, Jack Fertig, are the top golfers in the world. But sometimes, mental toughness means NOT thinking! It means having the discipline to turn it off and turn on the game. That takes practice. But, how does one practice the art of tough thinking in an age where 123 thinking is challenged by all the distractions? It’s the old chicken and the egg theory. Does one become a tougher thinker BY playing golf, or does one become a better golfer BY becoming a tougher thinker? Hmmm. To me the mental side of golf has two parts.

Part 1: Approaching the game. Can you put your ego aside and allow yourself to have a terrible shot in the middle of a round? Can you let even the stupid mistakes not let you get really frustrated and mess up the next two holes? It’s like life! Take it one by one…step by step….shot by shot. This is a hard thing to change, but if you can focus on scoring, rather than impressing your playing partners, you’re on the right path.

Part 2. The mental ability to stay strong and committed in spite of distractions! You should be an expert at recognizing distractions since that’s what this electronically stimulated era is filled with. In golf, there are three ways to practice mental toughness. Expect to SEE shadows. Expect to HEAR: whispers, sneezing, and coughing. Expect to FEEL itches, twitches and your heart beating.

Therefore, your next golf practice should be setting up your habits of MIND. There’s a term called metacognition which means thinking about your thinking. Next time you’re practicing, notice the moments where you tend to have a mental hiccup or basically where you dozing off in your mind. Your goal is to have that ability to say to yourself, “Self, you are in charge of how you feel and how you’ll perform, not anything or anyone else.” It’s been said that we can over think our golf game on the range, driving to work, at our desk, and in the shower. This is perfect, but not when you approach the tee. There is a difference between thinking and assessing. You pick your club; you evaluate your shot; you carry out your routine; and you craft your swing. You did your thinking in practice. At tee time, you just do it.

There’s a scene in Tin Cup where the stressed Kevin Costner character mis-hits continuous shots on the range. His caddie advises him to turn his hat backwards, isolate all of his change into his back pocket, and put a tee behind his ear. All of a sudden, he contacts the ball and he realizes that now he’s not thinking about the mis-hits. In fact, as the caddie put it, “You’re not thinking at all. Your brain was getting in the way!”

The minute you tee up, the noises will get louder and your list of do’s and don’ts will be shouting in your head. But this is where your habit of mind of not thinking too much will kick in. This is where you need to shut it all off and not focus on any distraction.

So the next time your children won’t sit and read their book or focus on their homework for longer than five minutes without texting, emailing, or facebooking, sign them up for golf lessons. Maybe golf is the answer for the next generation to train their brain to become mentally tough.

The Golf of Politics

If you’re anything like me, I’d like smaller government. No, this is not an article persuading you to vote for fewer taxes or for government to get out of your life. It’s a plea for politicians to play more golf! Politics and golf go together like peas and carrots. We can armchair quarterback all day about how the government shall be doing their job, but for some reason it’s much more fun to critique the political figures’ golf swing. How did they vote on the debt ceiling? What about their voting record on immigration reform? Who cares! More importantly, what is their handicap? That’s what matters in politics. In Washington more than anywhere else, politics and golf have long been linked. (No pun intended).

I have this theory that maybe the world would be a better place if they’d play more golf and play less politics. I mean just recently, there was much ado about an infamous foursome. Yes, it was the “Battle O-Bo” ac- cording to Gold Digest. Speaker John Boehner and Barak Obama joined Vice President Joe Biden and Ohio Governor John Kasich for a round of golf on June 18th, 2011. Boehner is listed as a 7.9 and Obama a 17 in Golf Digest’s annual recap of Washington’s power players. Lyndon Johnson once said, “One thing you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the president.” Apparently, Kasich and Biden heeded that wisdom as the succumbed to a Boehner/Obama victory as they won on the 18th hole. According to U.S News, they all enjoyed a cold drink on the clubhouse patio and spent some time chatting with ser- vice members before the president headed back to the White House. Ah, can’t they all just get along!? What a lovely scene.

Maybe the way to world peace is a few rounds. Passion for golf has come from politicians for years; from lobbyists who have used it to sweeten the members of Congress, and the members of Congress have used it to gain knowledge of each other’s habits. The presidential habit of getting on the green seems to be building. Presidential candidates maybe should take note. Instead of campaigning, maybe they better get on the greens and start swinging their club instead of their votes.

Obama seems to be taking that ad- vice. He has logged more rounds of golf (32) in his first 14 months than George W. Bush did in his two terms (24). A deeply committed Bush used to focus wholeheartedly on his swing. In fact, one could tell his passion (for golf) as he stopped to comment on the looming terrorism problem. “I call upon these nations to do everything they can to stop these terrorist killings. Thank you. Now watch this drive.” Reagan’s passion for golf trumped that of his love of Congress. He commented once, “My golf-loving friend Bob Hope asked me what my handicap was. So I told him- the Congress.”

Sadly, Ford should have taken Obama’s lead. “I know I’m getting better at golf because I’m hitting fewer spectators…either that, or fewer people are watching me play.” I think they are both true. But as far as presidential swingers go, oddly enough, the most avid White House golfer was Woodrow Wilson, who played twice as many rounds as Ike, which is hard to believe because Ike managed to squeeze in 800 rounds during his two years. There have been only three presidents since Taft — Hoover, Truman and Carter – who didn’t touch the game. JFK was rated the best presidential golfer, but only because of his graceful swing. As president, he rarely played the game, but mainly hit range balls on weekends to let off steam apparently.

It seems that golf provides relief for politicians with great responsibility, while still challenging their minds and bodies. But the way I look at it, golf teaches valuable lessons and offers priceless mea- sures of a man or woman’s character, which politics needs. Politics takes place on the golf course, but golf transcends politics. Maybe if they would play more golf, we’d know who has the character to run this country. So, as the election season looms, you politicians, get out there and play more golf.